Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Say That The Monarchy Doesn’t Own The Word “Royal”

Soon-to-be non-royals Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan Markle have taken a break from getting paid seven-figures on the speaking engagement circuit to crack open their door themselves (since they’ve probably got no staff to do it for them anymore) to spill new details about their transition to becoming boring nobodies like the rest of us. And they got a little snippy over using the name “Royal Sussex” for their branding.

According to a big update posted yesterday on the couple’s website, Sussex Royal, Harry and Meghan’s “Spring 2020 Transition” further explains how they continue to make significant cutbacks to their personal and professional duties during their transition period, which includes, among other things, the launch of a non-profit organization.

“As shared in early January on this website, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex do not plan to start a ‘foundation,’ but rather intend to develop a new way to effect change and complement the efforts made by so many excellent foundations globally.”

I had the same feeling last month when I splurged on a SodaStream and could finally stop buying water in bottles.

Regarding the use of the term “royals”, Harry and Meghan have agreed to ditch the use of the dirty word in their philanthropic and commercial activities. Harry will retain his military rank of Major, Lieutenant Commander and Squadron Leader. And there I was thinking that “squadron leader” was a made-up title used only in cheerleading and laser tag. The more you know!

“While there is not any jurisdiction by The Monarchy or Cabinet Office over the use of the word ‘Royal’ overseas, The Duke and Duchess of Sussex do not intend to use ‘Sussex Royal’ or any iteration of the word ‘Royal’ in any territory (either within the UK or otherwise) when the transition occurs Spring 2020,”

In case you were wondering, that shady little “no jurisdiction by the monarchy” means that if they wanted to, they could keep calling themselves “royals” while overseas and the Queen couldn’t do anything about it. They just don’t intend to. [SureJan.GIF]

Doing away with the royal title is great and all, but haven’t these two ever watched a Lifetime movie about princes and princesses who try to normalize? It ain’t that pretty. You’re not going to miss your title until the moment you find yourself standing in a long line at the supermarket, arms full of Cheez-its, baby formula and Cherry Garcia Haagen-Dazs, and you can no longer just swat the bitches out of your way. You have to stand there. And wait. Like a loser.

They will, however, keep their security detail to keep Thomas Markle from showing up and begging for loose change for the sake of their son. The matter of who will be footing the bill until regular Harry and Megahn can afford to do it themselves is still unconfirmed.

“This is based on The Duke’s public profile by virtue of being born into The Royal Family, his military service, the Duchess’ own independent profile, and the shared threat and risk level documented specifically over the last few years,”

AND! For anybody who still works with Harry and Meghan and had hopes that the couple might reconsider their dismissal and smuggle them away to Canada in a royal trunk Hefty garbage bag, think again.

“Based on the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s desire to have a reduced role as members of The Royal Family, it was decided in January that their Institutional Office would have to be closed, given the primary funding mechanism for this official office at Buckingham Palace is from HRH The Prince of Wales. The Duke and Duchess shared this news with their team personally in January once they knew of the decision, and have worked closely with their staff to ensure a smooth transition for each of them. Over the last month and a half, The Duke and Duchess have remained actively involved in this process, which has understandably been saddening for The Duke and Duchess and their loyal staff, given the closeness of Their Royal Highnesses and their dedicated team.”

If you’re wondering how the two will manage to cope with all of these new responsibilities, just know that all of the details mentioned in this latest agreement are subject to a review 12 months from now. So, in a year’s time, after Harry realizes how much it sucks having to snake your own drain and shovel the driveway yourself, it’s good to know that he can go back to the bargaining table.

Pic: Instagram