Lindsay Lohan covers this month’s Allure, and in the interview, she talked about her pregnancy, her marriage to financier Bader Shammas, and living in Dubai. 36-year-old Lilo says she loves Dubai cuz it’s “the same thing every day,” and she craves structure. In the article, Allure’s Brennan Kilbane writes that Dubai is a wonderful place to live for someone “internationally famous” and “lavishly financed” like Lindsay. Mainly because the paparazzi is illegal there. But Brennan also points out that, for “many other demographic groups,” it can be “much less wonderful.” Translation: they don’t love basic human rights over there (DON’T TELL LINDSAY).
This should be good news for anyone who has wanted to get rid of a bunch of cash in a dumb way but can’t find a pack of matches or a paper shredder. You will soon have the chance to pay to watch Chris Brown and Soulja Boy work out their anger by wailing on each other.
Are you someone who’s been slighted in the past by Paris Hilton? True, her continued presence in the world slights everyone. I’m typing specifically about those who may have been bullied by her, or bore a racist comment from her, or you’re her gyno cuz’ that can’t be a great gig. If so, consider yourself Emily Thorne-level revenged. An Egyptian television show played the most nightmarish prank on her that I think I’ve ever seen played on a person. This is almost on the level of “I fake kidnapped your baby.”
Paris was in Dubai, because of course she was, and the Ramez in Control show tricked her on to a small commuter plane. The plane looks like a resort shuttle bus with wings. That’s the first sign that something’s gone awry. If your plane isn’t plane-shaped, don’t get on it. Hilton was under the impression that she was merely going on a 15-minute aerial tour of the city. Instead, they completely destroyed her by faking that the plane was going to crash. The pilot made the plane plummet and everything.
As Paris screams and demands to know what is happening, they make it worse. They tell her that she’s going to have to jump out of the plane and parachute to safety. They even throw professional skydivers in disguise out the back, pretending that they’re forcing them to jump. You can almost clock the exact moment when Paris’ single brain cell melts down. It’s also the exact moment that she obviously shits her Agent Provocateurs. You know that she’s really scared and not acting because she briefly embraces the person beside her who is of a different ethnicity than her.
They finally land the plane, and let Wonky know that it was all a gag. Frankly, I would have kicked the dude in the balls and probably shoved his face in the nearest spinning propeller. She’s merely stunned and notes that the prank was next level. She also reveals that dying in a plane crash is her worst fear. Her worst fear used to be that a former minion would supplant her as Reality Show Whore Queen of the World, but that actually happened.
According to Gossip Cop, the show was able to use the footage because Paris signed a release before they got her on to the plane. As Michael K opined, this prank could only be improved if it had been played on Paris’ asshole brother.
Pop some popcorn and watch Paris Hilton get psychologically tortured in the video below. FF to 12:00 to get right into it. You’re evil if you laugh even a little. Spoiler alert – I’m evil.