Open Post: Hosted By Lindsay Lohan Falling On Her Sword To Save Christmas In The Trailer For Netflix’s “Falling For Christmas”

October 7, 2022 / Posted by:

We may be careening towards complete societal collapse, but even if it’s our last, this Christmas is sure to be the best one yet thanks to Lindsay Lohan falling off a cliff in the trailer for her Netflix Christmas movie, Falling for Christmas. Last year we learned that The War on Christmas’ clumsiest warrior had pulled herself away from the recording studio, where she is still presumably putting the finishing touches on her long-awaited album that was supposed to usher in the 2019 Lohaniassance, to film FFC as well as a second rom-com for Netflix called Irish Wish, which will presumably come out just in time to save Saint Patrick’s day.

So while the promised 2019 Lohaniassance has been all but forgotten (by her, I’m still patiently waiting) and eclipsed by Beyonce and Bennifer’s respective renaissances, Lindsay’s 2022/23 Lohanaissance is on track to change the way we engage with the arts, science, culture, society as a whole and Chord Overstreet. And since Lindsay famously starred in Mean Girls, she even treats us weary, weary souls to an uplifting and spiritual rendition of Jingle Bell Rock, sung in the key of M(arlboro Reds)! Here’s the trailer.

*Spoiler Alert* for the entire plot of Overboard minus the putt-putt golf course, star power, budget, chemistry, and purpose. OK, so it’s a spoiler for the remake of Overboard.

Let us rejoice! Given the state of the world, I had planned on spending Christmas with my loved ones hunkered down in a subterranean lair, crawling through the city’s sewers in search of side dishes to go with our holiday feast of car engine-broiled rabid rat, frothy cups of steaming, dark urine and cockroaches roasted over an open fire. But now that Lindsay’s saved Christmas, assuring humanity at least one last above-ground holiday and all the joy that brings, I may even go out and buy a tree. By the time Irish Wish comes out, it should be dry enough to use as kindling for those chilly nights when nothing less than a crackling, sewer gas fire will keep the mutants at bay. Can I get a Hallelujah, up in here?!

Pic: YouTube

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