Open Post: Hosted By Kate Winslet’s Confusing Hair On The Poster For The 25th Anniversary Re-Release Of “Titanic”
SPOILER ALERT: Titanic from Titanic sinks, and Leonardo DiCaprio’s character, Jack Dawson, dies at the end. And for 25 years (holy shit), people have been going back and forth about if Jack would’ve lived if only Kate Winslet’s Rose DeWitt Bukater were more generous with a portion of her broken-off door flotation device. James Cameron even tried to put the whole “Jack could’ve survived if Rose wasn’t a selfish betch” thing to rest by conducting a scientific study. But we can put that debate to rest for a little while as the anniversary theater re-release approaches because a new controversy just came into play, and the internet wants to know what in the RuPaul’s Drag Race’s Silky Nutmeg Ganache’s “Barbie Girl” lip sync wig was the graphic designer who created this poster thinking?!
In Kanye West’s latest “LOOK AT ME!” moment, he and Candace Owens paraded around like buffoons while wearing t-shirts adorned with the moniker “White Lives Matter.” Kanye West got the attention he was thirsting for, and Vogue editor Gabriella Karefa-Johnson shared her thoughts about his shirts on Instagram. Gabriella wrote that she thinks Kanye was trying to be subversive but that it fell flat and is actually “dangerous” and “irresponsible.” Instead of taking in what Gabriella had to say, Kanye made fun of her fashion sense, which led to Gigi Hadid coming to her defense.
We’ve all done dumb things to get out of something we didn’t want to do. On multiple occasions, I’ve pretended to get light food poisoning to get out of meetings. (Top tip: smudge eyeliner under your eyes to give yourself dark circles. It works!). But some people truly commit to the bit and even bring their own props. Case in point: a 50-year-old man from Italy bought a prosthetic arm to avoid getting a COVID-19 shot. 2021 continues with the fuckery!
Oh, Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, you do not need this. I mean, Lindsay Lohan’s probably already dealing with non-stop calls from Scam Likely (that’s how Dina Lohan comes up on everyone’s phone) who is begging for commissary money for generic-brand Tang and hair bleach to keep up her beauty during her 18-day stint in the clink for her latest DWI. And now LiLo’s dodging flaming polyester hairballs of rage hocked at her by the furries who are pissed over her latest NFT. Yes, the furries are barking mad at LiLo over an NFT. It’s like 2007 and 2021 collided into a pile of Wait, What?!.
For the moment, there are more questions than answers here, nothing is etched in stone in any direction and we’re all just scratching our heads and offering up side-eyes, so make sure you’ve got your grain of salt handy before we proceed. Every now and then, speculation gleefully flings itself into various social media sites regarding the true nationality of 36-year-old Hilaria Baldwin, wife of 62-year-old Alec Baldwin, mother of a yoga-facilitated bevy of five children, and performer of exceptionally stretchy acrobatics in odd locations.
This whole issue is basically the Obama birther scandal, but with Downward Dog and a shady Spanish accent. Mamamia notes that this latest round of suspicion arrives on the heels of a humorous-but-maybe-slightly-body-shaming Instagram exchange the other day between Hilaria and fellow post-partum mom, Amy Schumer, in the form of a Twitter thread loaded with comments and videos suggesting that Hilaria is just plain vanilla Hilary from Boston, dun dun dun. ¡Escándalo! And Hilaria has popped up today to try to clear things up, but she didn’t do a yoga pose while doing that, so does it really count?!
It seems like nowadays whenever Hollywood is looking to cast someone in a big budget or big budget-ish movie, they don’t look for someone who fits the role. They don’t even look for someone who fits the role if you grease them up with Crisco, four kinds of lube, and a prayer before grabbing an industrial-strength shoehorn to shove them into that role. They just look for a ton of Instagram followers, and since Noah Centineo has over 16 million Instagram followers, he’s “in talks” to play He-Man in the reboot of Masters of the Universe. I wonder if during those “talks” a voice of reason popped up to say, “Err, so we’re talking to Noah Centino about playing He-Man? Not He-Child, right? Like this isn’t a Muppet Babies version of He-Man? Also, what drugs are you all on and why aren’t you sharing them with me?”