Category: Butt Stuff
Is The Pope (Into) Catholic (Schoolgirls With Big Asses)? The Vatican Investigates!
It finally happened, The Pope is canceled! And I’m not talking about that TV show starring Jude Law. I’m talking about that old Argentinian dude who lives in Italy and always wears that funny little boob hat with a nipple on top. According to New York Daily News, The Vatican has launched an investigation into what type of ass Pope Francis gets off on after his official Instagram account “liked” a picture of a Brazilian bikini model/Twitch streamer’s juicy junk hanging out the bottom of a Catholic schoolgirl’s uniform. This is monumental. We might finally learn what floats the Pope’s boat when he’s pulling on that Pope rope.
Madonna’s Bubble Butt Is Back
Madonna’s stunt butt is back (possibly on loan from Tom Cruise as they’re completely useless in space). On New Years Eve of 2019 at The Stonewall Inn, Madonna reminded us all that she’s the original Material Girl due to the copious yards of material it took to fully envelop her laughably augmented ass. We never learned what the ass was made of (feathers, silicone, shop rags, helium?) because Madonna told us to mind our own business. However, Madonna dropped a clue on Instagram. Careful observers can deduce that it does not consist of an enlarged nubbin of cartilage because Madonna announced that she’s excited to undergo long awaited “regenerative treatment” for missing cartilage. So lay those rumors to rest. Madonna’s fake ass is not made from upcycled nose job trimmings!
Queen’s Brian May Destroyed His Butt While Gardening
Brian May, guitarist for Queen and a man who I’m 90% sure is actually a time-traveling Vivaldi, has recently been mysteriously absent from social media. And some of his fans got worried. Because we’re in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and well – when you haven’t heard from someone in a while, especially from someone who is 72 years old, you get a little nervous. Brian finally checked in on Instagram yesterday and confirmed that he had been in the hospital, but not at all for the reason you might suspect.
Open Post: Hosted By Daryl Hannah’s Ass Fur In The Family-Friendly Edit Of “Splash” On Disney+
Disney+ has banished gay sex stuff from its wholesome stage and now it’s coming for asses!
Disney+ has used some extremely advanced technology to edit out Daryl Hannah’s bare ass from 1984’s Splash. Not since Cats have we seen such an impressive use of CGI. I mean, when we run out of toilet paper from the pandemic, Daryl Hannah‘s Splash character will be covered. Those bottom five-inches aren’t split-ends. That’s her ass-wiping hair!
The People Want The Butthole Version Of “Cats” To Be Released
“Show me the butthole cut! Show me the butthole cut!” No, no, I’m not doing an impression of my doctor trying to get a better look at an anal fissure. I’m protesting the monsters who edited out all the feline buttholes included in an earlier version of modern cinematic classic, Cats. It’s just like those Hollywood big wigs to try to bury the truth. Thankfully, their dirty little secret was exposed yesterday on Twitter. Continue reading
Lizzo Says Her Butt Cheeks Never Touched The Seats At The Lakers Game
At the beginning of this week, a video hit the internet featuring an incredibly joyful Lizzo twerking at a Los Angeles Lakers vs Minnesota Timberwolves game at the Staples Center while the Laker Girls performed to her song “Juice.” Some people were grossed out at the thought of a nearly-bare butt bouncing around in a public space. And Lizzo is here to tell all her twerk haters that they can calm down, because she didn’t leave ass germs on her seat.