Category: Daryl Hannah

Open Post: Hosted By Daryl Hannah’s Ass Fur In The Family-Friendly Edit Of “Splash” On Disney+

April 14, 2020 / Posted by:

Disney+ has banished gay sex stuff from its wholesome stage and now it’s coming for asses!

Disney+ has used some extremely advanced technology to edit out Daryl Hannah’s bare ass from 1984’s Splash. Not since Cats have we seen such an impressive use of CGI. I mean, when we run out of toilet paper from the pandemic, Daryl Hannah‘s Splash character will be covered. Those bottom five-inches aren’t split-ends. That’s her ass-wiping hair!

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Daryl Hannah And Neil Young Probably Got Married

August 28, 2018 / Posted by:

It’s been almost four long years since we first heard that Daryl Hannah and Neil Young replaced Meg Ryan and John “I Refuse To Drop  The Cougar From His Name” Mellencamp as the IT couple of the blonde actress from the 80s (or 90s) and pepaw rocker set. Between then and now, my brain must’ve corroded even more, because I forgot these two were together. But not only are they still together, all signs point to them getting married over the weekend. I really need to get a subscription to Closer Weekly so I can stay up to date on the oldies.

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File Under “Definitions Of Random”: Neil Young Is Dating Daryl Hannah

September 12, 2014 / Posted by:

Well, this makes almost no goddamn sense, but let’s go with it! People says that 68-year-old Canadian rock legend and Godfather of Grunge Neil Young is rubbing his pepaw parts on 53-year-old former mermaid/current rubber-faced crazy Daryl Hannah. A source says they spotted Neil and Daryl (which sounds like a Canadian news team) holding hands at a restaurant on Wednesday night. Holding hands? Take it easy, you horny sluts!

So how did this random match happen? Neil and Daryl collaborated on a documentary for Greenpeace about the Alberta Tar Sands, and an insider claims they’ve attended many protest rallies since. I’m sure you’re thinking “Aww, how cute! Two environmental activists in love!” but NO! Not cute! Daryl swooped in on Neil while he was still married to his wife of 36 years, Pegi Young, and they only filed for divorce a little over a month ago. Damn, first Madison the Mermaid starts busting her face, now she’s busting up marriages!Of course, some of Neil’s friends aren’t too happy that he left his wife for that dizzy bible-thumping bitch Annelle from Steel Magnolias. Neil’s former band mate David Crosby gave an interview to the Idaho Statesman where he pretty much calls Neil out for hooking up with a latex-faced homewrecker:

“I happen to know that [Young] is hanging out with somebody that’s a purely poisonous predator now. And that’s karma. He’s gonna get hurt. But I understand why it happened. I’m just sad about it. I’m always sad when I see love tossed in the gutter.”

Who would have thought that a relationship burped up from the bowels of random would be so damn dramatic? Neil seems like the most easy-going pepaw in the world – those sideburns say “I like beer and I like naps”. But apparently he’s into some telenovela shit! Or whatever the Canadian version of a telenovela is. Road to Avonlea? Train 48?

Regardless, I’m personally very proud of myself that I managed to write this whole thing without making a Harvest Poon joke. Oh, goddamn it. So close!

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