Queen’s Brian May Destroyed His Butt While Gardening

Brian May, guitarist for Queen and a man who I’m 90% sure is actually a time-traveling Vivaldi, has recently been mysteriously absent from social media. And some of his fans got worried. Because we’re in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic, and well – when you haven’t heard from someone in a while, especially from someone who is 72 years old, you get a little nervous. Brian finally checked in on Instagram yesterday and confirmed that he had been in the hospital, but not at all for the reason you might suspect.

Brian revealed he was forced to check into the hospital earlier this week after he ripped his gluteus maximus “to shreds.” Basically, Brian totally fucked up his butt muscle. He’s going to be on bed rest while his ass heals, which apparently will take a while, and he’ll once again be silent on social media. I’m sorry Brian May fans, but you can blame it on his butt!

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Reality check ! For me. No – the Virus didn’t get me yet – thank God. Hope you’re all keeping extra-safe out there. A decision to relax controls doesn’t suddenly make the danger go away. But me ?? Yes, I’ve been quiet. Reason ? As well as getting over-stretched and harassed by too many demands … I managed to rip my Gluteus Maximus to shreds in a moment of over-enthusiastic gardening. So suddenly I find myself in a hospital getting scanned to find out exactly how much I’ve actually damaged myself. Turns out I did a thorough job – this is a couple of days ago – and I won’t be able to walk for a while … or sleep, without a lot of assistance, because the pain is relentless. So, folks … I need to go dark for a while, getting some complete rest, at home. Please, please don’t send me sympathy – I just need some healing silence for a while. I’ll be back – but I need the complete break. OK ? Thanks. Take care out there. Bri

A post shared by Brian Harold May (@brianmayforreal) on May 6, 2020 at 6:44pm PDT

You know you’re very British when you sustain a serious muscle injury through GARDENING. I believe that’s the second-most common British injury. The first, of course, being Tea Bag Elbow.

He doesn’t say how he did it, only that he was “over-enthusiastic” with his gardening. I guess you could say that he did, he did, rock his ass too hard. Or that his ass was under too much pressure, and that it bit the dust. Perhaps you could even suggest that he might have avoided such an injury if he were blessed with a fat bottom. Freddie Mercury is probably in heaven thinking, “Brian, you’re an old man! You can’t be tearing up ass like it’s the 80s.”

Pic: Wenn.com