Elizabeth Banks is only three films into her directing career and each more filled with LIES than the last! First there was 2015’s unnecessary sequel Pitch Perfect 2, starring a dubiously aged Rebel Wilson, followed by 2019’s unnecessary sequel Charlie’s Angels, starring a dubiously angelic Kristen Stuart. Now we have the first trailer for Elizabeth’s third outing, Cocaine Bear, which purports to be “inspired by true events” and features a dubiously alive and vicious bear on a rampage after having ingested 76 pounds of cocaine that fell from the sky in a Kentucky forest in 1985.
Open Post: Hosted By A Movie About The Beanie Babies Craze That Will Star Zach Galifianakis And Elizabeth Banks
Why yes, did I specifically choose that picture of Elizabeth Banks because she’s wearing the exact same color as the limited edition 1997 Ty Beanie Baby Princess Diana memorial bear? Sadly, I was unable to find a beanie match for Zach Galifianakis. But as much as I wish this was a weird live-action Beanie Babies movie, it’s not – it’s much less weird than that. Unless you count the weirdos that thought they’d be billionaires off Beanie Babies, then yes, this is pretty weird.
The Hollywood Reporter says that Elizabeth Banks is directing a new movie called Cocaine Bear. The film is based on a true story from 1985, and boy, is it a doozy! A black bear stumbled upon a duffel bag filled with 70 pounds of cocaine (worth $15 million!) in Chattahoochee National Forest, Kentucky. The poor bear thought, “yummy food!”, scarfed it all down, and promptly died of an overdose. His body was found months later beside the empty bag. The drugs themselves had been dropped out of an airplane by a local smuggler/former police officer who was also killed after hitting his head while parachuting out of the plane. Nine more bags full of cocaine were recovered. I mean… wow. I know I probably just spoiled the whole movie for myself (and you!), but I’ll still watch.
Beep beep! Toot toot! All aboard The Magic School Bus! The yellow bus that takes kids on magical scientific field trips every damn school day (permission slips be damned) is getting a live-action remake, courtesy of Elizabeth Banks’ company, Brownstone Productions, and producer Marc Platt. Hopefully it goes better than Elizabeth’s Charlie’s Angels reboot.
Elizabeth will also star as ginger icon Ms. Frizzle (voiced by Lily Tomlin in the original PBS TV adaptation, and Kate McKinnon in the recent reboot). Production better get working on a prosthetic nose, STAT. Or they can just re-use Nicole Kidman’s from The Hours.
When the latest film version of Charlie’s Angels hit theaters over the weekend, it flopped. Charlie’s Angels was made on a budget of $40 million and brought in $8.6 million in North America. Elizabeth Banks, who wrote, produced, directed, and acted in the new Charlie’s Angels, is aware that it’s been poorly received, and she recently had something to say about it all.
For what feels like eons, Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus, and Lana Del Rey have been threatening us with this generation’s answer to Moulin Rouge’s Lady Marmalade. Well, keep a glass of water nearby, because you’re going to need to cleanse your palate from the bland bitterness of this Lady Ambien Chutney that MAL (No, that doesn’t stand for Miley, Ariana, and Lana. It stands for BAD) dropped onto eyes and ears last night. If you were late to work this morning and used the excuse, “Sorry, I overslept because I watched the industrial-strength sleep aid known as Don’t Call Me Angel,” I’m sure your boss hit back with, “Me too.”
That still of MAL sums the video up. Ariana’s neck and back are slowing breaking as she tries to bring the sexy while carrying ten tons of pony hair and feathers. Miley Cyrus is pooting out a cloud of manufactured edgy sexiness. And Lana Del Rey is trying to remember what strain of weed she smoked right before signing the contract, agreeing to this mess, because she’s never smoking that shit again.