David Bowie (69)
Noah Cyrus (16)
Allison “Creepy Chan” Harvard (28)
Kim Jong-un (32)
Gaby Hoffmann (34)
Genevieve Padalecki (35)
Rachel Nichols (36)
Sam Riley (36)
Sarah Polley (37)
Amber Benson (39)
Jenny Lewis (40)
Josh Meyers (40)
Sean Paul (43)
Jeremy Spencer (43)
Jason Giambi (45)
R. Kelly (49)
Michelle Forbes (51)
Rey Misterio, Sr. (58)
Harriet Harris (61)
Robby Krieger (70)
Stephen Hawking (74)
Carolina Herrera (77)
Bob Eubanks (78)
Shirley Bassey (79)
Elvis Presley (1935 – 1977)

Pic: Derry Moore

Minka Kelly hung out with Ryan Phillippe…and Sean Penn last night. Minka has hung out with Sean before, so I guess she can’t get enough of his charbroiled salchicha. That’s great and everything, but why is Sean Penn looking like a 90s boy bander who just can’t let go of his old look? – Lainey Gossip 

Charlotte McKinney’s chichis! – Drunken Stepfather

Our future First Lady (and one of my gold digging idols) Melania Trump wants all of you immigrants to know that she followed the rules. See, it’s easy, all you have to do is be a hot lingerie model and marry an American bloated sack of money! – Celebitchy

Yolanda Foster is still taking hospital bed selfies – Reality Tea 

I think we’re supposed to think that The Slow One used Justin Bieber for his dick, but naw, I think she used him for photo-ops – The Superficial 

Yesterday I watched a video where Christina Milian got her b-hole waxed. Today I’m staring at her wet crotch in a bikini. I can’t wait to see her X-rays tomorrow – The Nip Slip 

The Star Wars gay romance of our dreams only exists in Oscar Isaac’s head – Towleroad

Same. – Hollywood Tuna 

Anne Hathaway’s husband looks like he’s trying to talk to her while she’s thinking, “Bitch, be quiet, I’m trying to give att-tit-tude here.” – Popoholic

And just like that, the Super Bowl Halftime show has become: BEYONCE!!!!!!!! (and also featuring that one band who’s sort of like U2) – Popsugar

This fluffy white dog knows what’s up. Those Minions can’t be trusted – The Berry  

Michael Weatherly is leaving your memaw’s favorite program – SOW

BUT WHY ISN’T KIMMY GIBBLER WEARING A SCRUNCHIE? – HuffPo

YAS QUEEN! Broad City has been renewed for 2 more seasons – Pajiba

Sheryl Underwood explains why she told that stage crasher he’s not going to pull a “Steve Harvey” on them and her explanation makes no sense – Just Jared

Here’s the newest Balmain ad where Naomi Campbell looks like a mannequin and Cindy Crawford and Claudia Schiffer look like they’re letting out a long fart – Jezebel

And today in “What Kind Of Jaden Smith On Acid Craziness Is Tila Tequila Spewing For Attention?” – Complex

Pic: Instagram

We have finally come to the point where we begin to find out who will be the overlord of Dlisted and win a prize package worth absolutely nothing. It’s time to vote for Hot Slut of the Year! The HSOTY showdown is broken down into 4 rounds. 4 different Hot Slut of the Months will be battle it out in rounds 1, 2 and 3. The fourth round will be the grand finale where the winners from rounds 1, 2 and 3 will go at it for the crown. I know, this is serious business.

For round 1, we’ve got 2 pussies, a granny who gets paid to fill her pussy and a Swedish sign language interpreter. I know, I tried to find a way to work the word “pussy” into the sign language interpreter’s description, but I failed. I’m disappointed with myself too. Anyway, here are your choices:

January’s HSOTM: Bart The Zombie Cat! Bart is the indestructible cat from Florida who was hit by a car and declared dead by his human. Bart’s human and a neighbor didn’t take him to the vet to make sure that he was dead DEAD. They buried him instead. Bart woke up, clawed his way out of his grave and vowed to get revenge on humanity for doing him wrong like that. Bart was taken to the Humane Society of Tampa where he was fixed up. The Humane Society refused to hand him back over to his human since you know, his human buried him alive. Bart is now living with a foster family and he has much pretty healed up. He looks like this now. He’s definitely spending his days plotting his attack on the world.

February’s HSOTM: The DGAF Pussy! Nobody doesn’t give a fuck like this pussy doesn’t give a fuck. In the video (click here if you’ve forgotten about it, but you shouldn’t have), a fluffy white evil pussy knocks a remote control off of a table and when he begins to play with a glass, his human begs for mercy! But since pussy was born fuck-free, he swats the glass off the table and cackles with glee on the inside after doing so. Thug life pussy-style.

March’s HSOTM: Tommy Krångh! When Sweden held their Eurovision finals last year, all of the spotlights were on the sign language interpreter who lit up television screens with his magical hands and the roller coaster of piping hot emotions that swept across his face. Tommy was there to sign the lyrics of the Eurovision songs, but he quickly became the breakout star and everyone hit the mute button just to fully take in all of the emotions he served up.

April’s HSOTM: Shirley Andrews! The 80-year-old (she may be 81 now) granny porn star who has the words “Gang Bang Queen” tattooed on her tit. She’s just like your memaw but instead of baking pies, she gets creampied and instead of beating brats with a switch, her granny poon gets beat with a peen. She’s my idol, basically.

Voting is below and the winner of round 1 will be announced on Monday, January 11th. Vote with your life!

On Tuesday, I linked to a Reality Tea piece about how Brandi Glanville continued to slap at her ex-husband Eddie Cibrian and his luck dragon bride LeAnn Rimes during an interview on a podcast. Brandi said that it hurts her in the heart area when LeAnn posts pictures of her sons on Instagram. Brandi claimed that she’s begged LeAnn to stop posting the pictures but Falkor doesn’t care and has kept on, kept on.. Here’s a piece of what came out of Brandi’s mouth:

“I have an issue with her posting pictures of my children on holidays. It’s horrible. If my ex-husband, their dad, isn’t posting pictures – why is she? I’ll grab three bottles of chardonnay, cry myself to sleep and look at what they’re doing for Christmas. It’s hell.”

Like Brandi wasn’t planning on downing three bottles of chardonnay that night anyway. Eddie Cibrian usually keeps his lips shut about these things and lets his sugar mama luck dragon do the barking for him, but not this time.

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Here’s the second trailer for High-Rise which stars Tumblr’s favorite fap object Tom Hiddleston as a doctor who moves into a luxurious London apartment building where nothing is as it seems and chaos ensues! If this took place in a luxurious Manhattan apartment building in present day, the line “nothing is as it seems” would refer to the snobby residents finding out that the pool is not saltwater and chaos would ensue after someone leaves a cheap doormat from Target outside their door. (Yes, I read the snobby people message board Urban Baby from time to time.)

High-Rise also stars Jeremy Irons, Luke Evans, Elisabeth Moss and Sienna Miller. It comes out in the UK in March and is expected to come out in the US later this year. This newest trailer uses the Tangerine Dream song from the train scene in Risky Business and it also features a naked Tom Hiddleston sunning his nipples while a magazine covers his crotch. While watching it I wished that his peen would high-rise that magazine right off of his crotch so we could get a good view of it. That didn’t make any sense, but I’m sure you figured out that I was making some pervy comment about wanting to see a boner.

I almost watched the People’s Choice Awards last night, because there’s something about seeing the few A-listers there making faces that say, “I really need to fire my goddamn publicist for making me go to this shit,” while surrounded by extras from The CW shows and shameless spotlight humpers (see: Frankie Grande). But I shat on that thought and decided to watch the condensation on my water glass for 2 hours instead.

Besides attention whore flamingo Frankie Grande showing up looking like a Great Value version of Caesar Flickman from The Hunger Games (more like The Thirst Games), other stuff actually happened. Sensitive thumb Vin Diesel cooed out another musical tribute to Paul Walker and Melanie Griffith’s daughter made a joke about her tits. But the moment that really made the rounds was the sad re-creation of Kanye West’s “Imma let you finish…” stunt.

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