The beginning of the end of American Idol happened last night and I completely forgot it was on (so did everybody else), but Clay Aiken didn’t. America’s second most famous ginger power lesbian (Rojo Caliente being the first, duh) and the almost-congressman delivered brand new information when he said on Twitter that the show is now a lifeless puddle of boring and he now knows why the ratings have fallen like early-aughts Paula Abdul after drinking too much Vicodin and Valium tea.

Some of us old, wrinkly, white pubes-having whores who watched American Idol in the olden days miss the train wreck singers, the cunty-wrapped nuggets that flew out of Simon Cowell’s mouth and Paula Abdul being a pilled-up mess. Clay misses those days too and while watching the three drips, JLo, Harry Connick Jr. and Keith Urban, judge the singers last night, he let out a huge yawn on Twitter.

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Every building superintendent is going to wear their tool belt at half-mast today, because Schneider from One Day At A Time has gone up to the great big Indianapolis apartment building in the sky where all of the angels welcome his words of wisdom. Pat Harrington, Jr., who played Schneider during all 9 seasons on ODAAT, died last night in Los Angeles at the age of 86. Pat’s daughter Tresa Harrington broke the sad news on Facebook:

Dear Friends, it is with the most unimaginable pain and sadness, that I tell you my father, Pat Harrington, Jr. passed away at 11:09 PM this evening. We were all with him today and tonight: crying, laughing and loving him. This is the single most heart wrenching and physically painful thing, I’ve ever had to endure. I know many of you have lost parents and loved ones, and now I know what it’s like to feel the kind of sadness and void that will never be filled but only softened with the passing of time. My heart is broken to pieces and I will cry and cry until I just won’t. Love to you all! And as we head into this year, never be afraid to tell the people you love, that you love them.

We don’t know what Schneider died of yet. Today says that he suffered from Alzheimer’s and in November, Tresa said that a small hemorrhage developed on his brain after he fell.

Pat Harrington, Jr.’s dad was a vaudeville performer and after he finished up college and his military service, he got into the acting game. He guest starred in a few TV shows and voiced a few cartoon characters before he got the role of Schneider in 1975. Playing Schneider won him an Emmy. He should’ve won a dozen Emmys for that, because he worked that denim vest, white t-shirt and hot porn stache like no other. Many Brooklyn hipsters have tried (and seriously failed) to recreate his look.

Pat’s last acting job was in 2012 when he reunited with Valerie Bertinelli on Hot In Cleveland. Schneider also did commercials for Trak Auto in the 1980s. I don’t remember much but I’m glad I remembered that piece of 80s history.

Rest in peace, Schneider.

Pic: Getty

Right around Christmastimes, Janet Jackson postponed a chunk of dates on her Unbreakable world tour and she told her fans that she had to step away from performing to undergo some kind of mystery surgery. The whispering ThunderCat didn’t say what was fucking with her so bad that she needed surgery. But Radar claimed they knew what was going on. A source told them that Janet’s doctors found a tumor on her vocal cords and they had to test it to see if it’s cancerous or not. So that had people screaming that Janet Jackson’s got froat cancer. Last night, Janet put an end to the rumors by saying on Instagram that she doesn’t have cancer. Although, Janet kept shit ~mysterious~ by not saying what is exactly keeping her down and out:

Remember … believe it when you hear it from my lips.
The rumors are untrue.
I do not have cancer.
I’m recovering.
My doctors have approved my concerts as scheduled in Europe, and as I promised, the postponed shows will be rescheduled.
Thank you for your prayers and love.

But what is it, Janet?! Did you finally have the crusty, soul-sucking growth named Joe Jackson surgically removed from your life? What is it? The people demand to know! Okay, maybe the people aren’t demanding to know, but we are demanding that La Toya Jackson fill in for her sister on those postponed tour dates. Actually, that’s probably not a good idea. Those amphitheaters aren’t big enough to hold all of La Toya’s disciples and it’d create a stampede.

Janet also posted this on Twitter. It took me a few seconds to realize that this isn’t a newly found Michael Jackson B-side.

From my lips… https://t.co/0fQjkej5lY

— Janet Jackson (@JanetJackson) January 7, 2016

Pic: Wenn.com

Due to a lull in membership, chickswithdicks.com decided to try a new direction. – Briesme

Upvote winner:

Going incocknito. – Sheena

Pic: Reddit

The Internet famous Drummond Puddle!

The Israelites had the Red Sea, us children of the 80s had the river of death in The Oregon Trail computer game and the people of Newcastle in England had the Drummond Puddle! Everyone in California needs to stop crying about El Niño, because Newcastle had to deal with a much bigger water-related event. They had El Puddle!

Bored office workers at Drummond Central, a marketing agency (of course), noticed that a bunch of people were having a hard time getting around a big puddle outside of their building. After they were entertained by the puddle struggles for a while, they decided that the public needed to be entertained too. So they set up a live stream (not punned on purpose) on Periscope and one of the most important moments in British history was born!

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