I don’t know how an insurance company came up with such an arbitrary number, since we all know the value of current-day Mariah Carey is $Priceless. But apparently they did and now some parts of her are insured for $70 million.

According to TMZ, Mimi’s Sweet Sweet Fantasy tour has been extended to South America, which means there’s a lot more money to be lost if Mimi were to, say, eat too many sour Hello Kitty gummis and damage her vocal cords, or pull a hamstring by catching her toes on the control top of her shimmer hose. So she took out a $35 million insurance policy on her voice and $35 million insurance policy on her legs.

Sources tell TMZ that Mimi’s monthly insurance premium is in the several-thousands of dollars range. But like it matters? Mariah is about to become Mrs. Australian Caveman Billionaire; the only monthly premium she has to worry about is her monthly delivery of premium pink champagne that she uses to fill her bathtub every morning.

Mariah’s body parts deserve only the largest of insurance policies, but it still seems a little odd to me that she’d chose to insure her voice and her legs. Mimi doesn’t always use her natural singing voice, and she barely uses her legs for walking. Even when she does walk on her own, she’s assisted by someone to make sure she doesn’t get the pill spins and take a tumble. So why does she need them insured for $70 million? This is all very suspicious…. I really hope this isn’t a shady insurance fraud scheme hatched by Mimi’s maybe-shady new manager, Stella Bulochnikov. I don’t want to hear about Mimi twisting both her ankles after “accidentally” falling down the stairs and being put on forced bed rest for the next 3 months. “Bed rest? Three months? Sign me up!” said an excited-for-regular-naps Mimi.

Pic: Splash

Anna Faris has a podcast called Anna Faris Is Unqualified (file that under: things I did not know) and her co-star from What’s Your Number?, Chris Evans, was on to talk about all sorts of things. Chris talked about how his tip gets moist for ass more than tits, texting etiquette and one of my favorite subjects: dick pics.

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I honestly did not expect to see two famous balls of crazy get into a dramatic fight outside of a hotel in Las Vegas today, but here we are. Last night around 5pm, Nicolas Cage, the human equivalent of a dental surgery morphine trip, and Vince Neil, lead singer of Mötley Crüe man who I’m 90% sure is the gopher from Caddyshack’s long-lost daddy, got into a brawl outside of the Aria Hotel in Las Vegas.

According to TMZ, the fight started inside the Aria after a woman came up to Nicolas and Vince and asked Nicolas for an autograph. Sources claim that Vince, apropos of nothing, came up behind the woman, allegedly yanked her hair and pulled her to the ground. Nicolas Cage clearly has a little H.I. McDunnough nerve still in him, because he responded by beating on Vince. Nic eventually took their fight outside in an attempt to get Vince into a car. The latter half of their fight was caught on video.

TMZ says that Vince was sited for battery, but didn’t take a trip to the police station. He’s currently the subject of a criminal investigation. Vince Neil probably already knows the drill, since this isn’t his first time getting in trouble for acting like a violent mess in Las Vegas.

But back to that video. For those of you wondering what kind of drugs Nicolas Cage is on that would cause him to go from full-blown screaming-in-a-parking-lot fight mode to holding his enemy close and whispering sweet nonsense in his ear, the answer is: I don’t think he’s on drugs. I’m pretty sure that’s just Nicolas Cage’s normal level of insanity.

Back in early February, an enemy of the Pussy Posse (I refuse to call them The Wolf Pack) tried to sabotage its leader’s Oscar campaign by scooting out damaging lies about him. They claimed that 41-year-old Leonardo DiCatchAHo was getting with a woman who’s 30 years old! It’s a miracle that he won that Oscar, because I didn’t think that the old, rich coots of the Academy would vote for Leo after finding out that he’s doing a woman who’s older than their fourth wife. It seems like that enemy of the Pussy Posse is at it again.

Page Six says that Oscar winner Leonardo DiCaprio (like Anne, I am legally obligated to address him as that) may be humping on a 19-or-20-year-old (okay…) model (duh…) with (warning: stick a suction cup butt plug up your asshole or you may prolapse out of shock) BROWN HAIR! Some evil trash of a source says that DiCatchAHo has been hanging around a Dutch model named Chelsey Weimar. Chelsey models for Victoria’s Secret Pink and was the winner of The Face in Holland.

The source says that DiCatchAHo and Chelsey went to dinner at Nobu in Malibu recently, and she’s posted pictures on Instagram that were supposedly taken in one of his houses. But another source (Hi, Leo’s publicist!) says that DiCatchAHo isn’t regularly putting his lips on the crotch of a maybe-teenage model, because he’s too busy trying to be the enviro-savior this planet really needs.

“It’s not true. He isn’t spending time with anyone. Most of his time lately has been in places like Indonesia, trying to help save the ecosystem.”

If it’s true, at least DiCatchAHo is showing us that his peen is somewhat diverse and will also get on a skinny Victoria’s Secret model who doesn’t grow blond hair. It’s also good news for all of the makers of brown hair dye, because every skinny blond model who has been hoping to catapult her career on DiCatchAHo’s peen is probably rinsing out Feria #40 from her hair right now.

Here’s pictures from The Fashion Spot of DiCatchAHo’s maybe piece.

Pics: Wenn.com, The Fashion Spot

Two years after Paul Walker rode up to heaven on the back of a hot angel (I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m sure his soul brother Vin Diesel would have wanted it that way), his 17-year-old daughter, Meadow Walker, filed a lawsuit against Porsche. Meadow claimed that Porsche was responsible for the fiery car crash that killed her father and his friend and the driver Roger Rodas, because they went cheap on the safety features.

Porsche shot back, saying that the car they were in had been “abused and altered” and that Paul and Roger should have known that they were driving at unsafe speeds.

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When it was announced way back in January that Netflix was rebooting Gilmore Girls, most people figured Melissa McCarthy was far too famous and busy for that shit and the part of Sookie St. James would probably end up being played by a DVD of Tammy in a wig. Hell, even Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino figured she’d be too busy, so she didn’t bother asking her to come back and be a part of it. A little while later, Melissa admitted that someone did eventually call her up about it, but that scheduling conflicts were preventing her from slipping into her chef’s coat and hot kerchief.

Well, it looks like you can go ahead and pop a bottle of sparkling coffee and crank the Paul Anka up to 11 (yes I just outed myself as a Gilmore Girls nerd), because Melissa McCarthy confirmed that she will be back for the Gilmore Girls reboot during a taping of Ellen yesterday.

Melissa is a huge Academy Award-nomiated STAR! now, so I don’t know what this means for the Gilmore Girls reboot budget. All I can say is that they better have enough money left over to bring back the two brightest celestial beings of Stars Hollow. A Gilmore Girls reboot is nothing without the Marlboro-voiced sun-bleached unicorn Babette and her sassy sidekick Miss Patty.

Here’s Melissa McCarthy and her husband Ben Falcone in New York earlier this week while working the press circuit for that Martha-with-roid-rage movie The Boss.

Pics: The WB, Wenn.com