Birthday Sluts
David Oyelowo (40)
Asa Butterfield (19)
Kid Ink (30)
Hillary Scott (30)
Matt Lanter (33)
Randy Orton (36)
Sam Huntington (34)
Taran Killam (34)
Bijou Phillips (36)
Jon Gosselin (39)
Joe Francis (43)
Rachel Maddow (43)
Chris Evans (the presenter) (50)
Jane Adams (51)
Phillip Schofield (54)
Susan Boyle (55)
Barry Sonnenfeld (63)
Annette O’Toole (64)
Ali MacGraw (77)
Debbie Reynolds (84)
Jane Powell (87)
Pic: W Magazine
Night Crumbs
Brad Pitt and Marion Cotillard are shooting a movie together in London, and judging by the pictures, I’m guessing it’s about an alternative universe Bonnie & Clyde who aren’t old timey bank robbing bitches, but are instead a boring suburban couple. The alternative universe Clyde’s biggest problem is dealing with chronic constipation (see: Brad Pitt’s face) – Lainey Gossip
The Porn Iguana SANS FARDS – The Superficial
Thor is a feminist – Celebitchy
Here’s Lara Stone looking like she farted and is hoping her hot piece didn’t smell it, and well, it looks like her hot piece did smell it, and likes it. Why did I just ruin that hot piece for all of us? – Drunken Stepfather
NeNe Leakes is trying to be a stand-up comedian now – Reality Tea
Ben Melzer is the first trans model to cover Men’s Health in Europe – Towleroad
What in lumberjack soccer mom 90s HELL is Rose McGowan wearing? – Popoholic
Like two pristine dew drops sitting on the petal of a freshly-bloomed daisy on an early Spring morning – Egotastic!
A plastic surgeon is somehow going to make Tori Spelling’s plastic and pulled face even more plastic and pulled – SOW
Brandy is suing her label for holding her “talent hostage” – Jezebel
Why am I getting flashbacks of Lindsay Lohan’s paparazzi coochie pictures? – The Berry
Thanks to a dad’s pro-trans rights rap, Canada has its very own rap beef! – OMG Blog
Hilary Duff is maybe-dating a trainer dude who is making my b-hole twitch – IDLYITW
No. – Just Jared
Salma Hayek shows us the woes of being married to a billionaire fashion mogul. On one hand, he’s a billionaire. On the other hand, you have to wear ugly shit from the labels his company owns – Hollywood Tuna
Brace yourself for a Beyhive stage 100 meltdown tomorrow if their BumbleBey Queen releases her album – Popsugar
Pic: Splash
The Beyhive Came For Lululemon After They Suggested Beyonce’s New Clothing Line Was An “Imitation” Of Theirs
Earlier today, Beyonce triggered a Beyhive-wide case of hyperventilation after the release of a video for her new athleisure clothing line, Ivy Park. Yes, Beyonce is selling yoga pants and gym wear now, because of course she is! You didn’t think Beyonce would let her mid-workout crotch sweat collect in just any old House of Dereon sweatpants, did you? As you’ll hear in the ad below, Beyonce says Ivy Park was inspired by her favorite park in Houston. She also says it’s the place she goes to in her mind when she needs strength, like when she gave birth to daughter. Okay girl, we get it – you gave birth to Blue Ivy Carter.
While some of said hyperventilating was probably the result of gasping too fast when the video opened on Beyonce’s tragic ‘cocker spaniel caught in a downpour’ hair situation, the majority was caused by a backhanded Tweet about Ivy Park from Lululemon. I guess whoever runs Lululemon’s Twitter account was feeling brave this morning, because they went ahead and not-so-subtly tried to remind everyone that they did it first.
Open Post: Hosted By Chestica’s Chichis
Please take Jessica Simpson’s huge tits as a sorry (I couldn’t find any new pics of the Hammaconda) for my lack of posts for the second day in a row. Yesterday, I was dealing with the tax man and a family thing. Today, another family situation has kept me from fully spreading the dumb celebrity fuckery with you. Tomorrow will be a lighter flow day for me as well. I thank my God Bea Arthur for Allison! And yes, I said, “family situation.” I sound like an unwed teen mother from the 70s who has to get an abortion without her strict Catholic mother finding out. Things will hopefully (I’m crossing my ass lips) be back to normal on Monday.
And now I leave you with these pictures of Jessica Simpson looking like the most popular truck bed dancer at a NASCAR tailgate party while vacationing in Cabo. Even though Papa Joe is pretty much out of the closet (the closet cannot contain this much gay glamour), I still picture him dribbling out a river of preacher saliva whenever I see Jessica’s spectacular chichis. You can wear as many pucker-inducing mid-life-gay-crisis ensembles as you want, Papa Joe, but I’ll still never forgive you for that!
Pics: FameFlynet
Since Today’s Theme Seems To Be Things That Make Your Brain Shart Out A Dozen Question Marks….
The meaning of random has been dick slapping me in the face all day today. First, we got Debra Messing putting the MESS in her last name by having a tweet war with Susan Sarandon over Hillary Clinton and then we got Fabio using his gorgeous mane to slap the Kartrashians down. And now, we’ve got a rumor about how Wendi Deng is motor-boating the juicy pair of diabolical billionaire tits attached to Vladimir Putin. Puti-Deng might actually be a real thing. Um, the universe does know that April Fool’s pranks are supposed to be pranks and not shit that’s true, right?
What In The Name Of Ghost Sex Is Going On Here?
Rihanna released the video for “Kiss It Better” earlier today. “Kiss It Better” sounds sort of like the Marshmallow Mateys version of a Prince song, so naturally I immediately pictured the video for it would feature RiRi in full-Purple Rain The Kid drag, grinding on a motorcycle while a stripper dressed as Apollonia purifies herself in the waters of Lake Pussytonka. Instead, what we got was 4 minutes and 8 seconds of a horned-up (and sometimes topless) Rihanna getting what appears to be fucked by a ghost. She also lets the ghost shoot dice on her crotch. It’s 10000x better than what I had originally hoped for. The video is NSFW, thanks to a special appearance by RiRi’s pierced nipples in a see-through cami and some black-and-white sideboob.
I don’t know for sure if Rihanna is having sex with a ghost. I’m really just basing that off the part at the 1:10 mark where it looks like some invisible dick is causing her to levitate. And the part at 2:47 mark where it looks like a ghost is going down on her. The only way I could be sure that RiRi is having sex with a ghost is if she released an extended video for “Kiss It Better” that shows her requesting an Uber and telling no one in particular to hurry up because it will be downstairs in 10 minutes.
Either way, I’m sure whatever is happening has caused a jealous Drake to start looking up hot ghosts on Facebook and trying to figure out which one stole his position as Rihanna’s favorite video co-star.
Here’s Rihanna walking around New York City yesterday looking like a high-class escort from The Matrix.
Pics: Splash