Ok class, welcome to the first day of training for Goopy’s next round of high end beauty treatments. Let me outline what’ll be expected of you… – Jedeva

Upvote winner:

Michael and Dina Lohan are a little late to be taking parenting classes, don’t ya think? – Shadeball

Pic: Tosh.0

Mrs. Robertson (as played by Regina Daye Allen) from American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson!

The grand finale of John Travolta’s Wig Brows (featuring the O.J. Simpson trial) aired last night, and I was hoping that they’d completely say “fuck it” to facts. I was hoping that they’d end it with O.J. being found guilty, Marcia Clark and Christopher Darden celebrating their victory by finally fucking on top of the desk as a chorus of Dancing Itos kicked around them, and Robert Kardashian snapping and deciding that he’s done with L.A. and is moving all of his children to a rural town in Armenia where they’ll be fig farmers forever (and civilization would be spared from Pimp Mama Kris’ koven).

But Ryan Murphy and company decided to go with accuracy, for some strange reason. I’ve said this before in another American Crime Story post, but the one thing I remember most about the O.J. verdict is the clerk chopping up his name as she read his fate. At first, the clerk dribbled out the name “Oran-jawl” instead of “Orenthal” before announcing him not guilty, and after she read the verdict, I thought to myself, “But she fucked up his name! That’s grounds for a mistrial, right? Redo! Redo!”

So during last night’s final episode, I waited and waited to see if they’d include the really important screw-up. If they didn’t, then the entire series was a lie and nothing in it could be trusted. But the actress who played Mrs. Robertson flawlessly executed the name fuck-up heard around the world. I don’t have a clip of the Emmy-worthy recreation of the flub, but here’s the original:

In my mind, the clerk screwed up, because she couldn’t believe that the jury only took 4 hours to decide and she wanted to say, “Oran-j’all disgusted with yourself for this verdict?!“

Candace Cameron Bure (40) And yes, I put her at the top, because I wanted an excuse to post a picture of KIMMY GIBBLER!

Charlie McDermott (26)
Casper Smart (29)
Diora Baird (33)
Rick Cosnett (33)
Alana Austin (34)
Tim Hasselbeck (38)
Myleene Klass (38)
Zach Braff (41)
Joel West (41)
Ami James (44)
Todd Chrisley (47)
Ari Meyers (47)
Paul Rudd (47)
Louie Spence (47)
Black Francis (51)
Michele Bachmann (60)
Michael Rooker (61)
Marilu Henner (64)
John Ratzenberger (69)
Anita Pallenberg (72)
Barry Levinson (74)
Merle Haggard (79)
Billy Dee Williams (79)
André Previn (87)

Pic: Instagram

Because the current face of kitty litter Katherine Heigl is a self-absorbed blond actress who thinks her life is better than yours, she has a lifestyle blog about ranch life in Utah. This is a beautiful gift from the Internet Gods and I, for one, hope that Katherine Heigl goes full Katherine Heigl in her posts, because ever since Preserve.us died a quick death, we’ve all been hungry for another ridiculous lifestyle blog to roll our eyes at   – Lainey Gossip 

Mischa Barton and her “wood block with a stick up its wooden ass” dancing skills were finally put out of their misery on Dancing with the Has-Beens – Jezebel

In case you were wondering, yes, LeAnn Rimes is still seven kinds of annoying – Celebitchy

In case you missed it, here’s Peter Dinklage in a Winnie the Pooh costume – The Superficial 

What in the name of a porn parody Storm is Rita Ora wearing? – Drunken Stepfather

Sonja Morgan has declared that her booze-guzzling days are over – Reality Tea 

This Taylor Swift wax figure just ate whatever was left of my soul with its eyes – Hollywood Tuna 

Crispy Ronaldo was hit with some homophobic shit at a football game – Towleroad

I never thought I’d ever type these words, but my loins just felt things for Silver Fox Bradley Whitford – Pajiba

Some Teen Mom trick got the Justin Bieber special and now looks like the Great Value version of the Twins from The Matrix – Starcasm

Seems 100% legit – OMG Blog

Brian Dunkleman will make his long-awaited return to American Idol – HuffPo

Kerry Washington is not here for the way that AdWeek made her look like Not Kerry Washington – Just Jared 

This puppy is totally high – The Berry 

If you haven’t had enough servings of Vitamin D today, get into the cheese that Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik served up in Vogue – Popsugar

Pic: Instagram

Around the same time that Johnathon Schaech set the tips of my young gay nipples on fire by going topless in How To Make An American Quilt, he briefly got into the beard merkin game. The ex Mr. Christina Applegate, who’s currently on DC’s Legends of Tomorrow, did a Reddit AMA (via Towleroad) on Sunday, and one Redditor brought up the time in 1995 when he was photographed with Ellen DeGeneres at events. Apparently, back then, Johnathon also talked about dating Ellen. During his AMA, Johnathon said that his manager set them up, because Ellen was afraid that if people found out she was a certified gayelle, her sitcom would tank.

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It feels like as soon as 2016 was born on January 1st at 12:01am, it dropped massive amounts of acid and has kept dropping massive amounts of acid, because bitch has taken us for a wild trip and the year isn’t even halfway over yet. Recently, 2016 gave us a bizarre Twitter fight about Hillary Clinton between grown person Debra Messing and fellow grown person Susan Sarandon (and Debra MESSing is still at it). Well, 2016 has once again gone over to the box marked “Random As Fuck Feuds” and randomly pulled out two names: Azealia Banks and Sarah Palin. The way that this year has been going, I fully expect to hear about a back alley knife fight between Emmanuel Lewis and Carrot Top before 2017 begins.

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