Two years after Paul Walker rode up to heaven on the back of a hot angel (I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m sure his soul brother Vin Diesel would have wanted it that way), his 17-year-old daughter, Meadow Walker, filed a lawsuit against Porsche. Meadow claimed that Porsche was responsible for the fiery car crash that killed her father and his friend and the driver Roger Rodas, because they went cheap on the safety features.
Porsche shot back, saying that the car they were in had been “abused and altered” and that Paul and Roger should have known that they were driving at unsafe speeds.
The Reality of Truth is an unreleased documentary that gets into how humans find spirituality through prayer, meditation, natural hallucinogenic, etc… I watched the trailer (which is after the cut), and for some reason, they don’t include how many of us (read: just me) find the holy light of God by getting drunk on sweet tea vodka while watching back-to-back Golden Girls episodes for 3 hours. That must be in the documentary’s sequel. The ultra dramatic trailer is mostly about how the documentary’s co-director Mike “Zappy” Zapolin (aka the Internet Warrior) and Michelle Rodriguez traveled the world to find and try a “hidden technology in nature” that the government doesn’t want you to know about. They basically go to Peru to do Ayahuasca, a spiritual drink made from the ayahuasca vine, which apparently makes you do the Macarena with all the gods on a rainbow that’s trickling out of a giant unicorn’s piss slit. It also makes some people vomit through their eyes and cry tears through their mouths.
Last September, Paul Walker’s 16-year-old daughter Meadow Walker threw a lawsuit at Porsche claiming that their Carrera GT sports car is a death trap that shouldn’t be allowed on the streets. Paul Walker died two years ago when the 2005 Porsche Carrera GT he was riding in crashed into a tree and a street light before catching on fire. Paul’s friend Roger Rodas owned the Porsche and was also the driver. Roger was driving 90mph before he lost control and hit a tree. Roger died in the crash as well.
In Meadow’s lawsuit, she said that Porsche went cheap with the safety features. The lawsuit claims that the seat belt Paul used was defective and it accuses Porsche of using weak, cheap material on the doors. Meadow says that if Porsche didn’t go the Dollar Tree route with their safety features, her father would still be alive today. Roger Rodas’ widow Kristine Rodas is also suing Porsche for the same reasons.
The muscled-up sensitive chanteuse became a third-time daddy last week when his girlfriend Paloma Jimenez birthed out their daughter. They already have a 6-year-old daughter named Hania and a 4-year-old son named Vincent together. Vin didn’t immediately slip out his third kid’s name, but while promoting Fast and Furious I Lost Track Of What Number They’re On during an interview with Natalie Morales for Today, he told her his daughter’s name.
I was secretly hoping that Vin (born name: Mark Vincent Sinclair) would pay tribute to himself with his daughter’s name by naming her Vinilla Diesel. (Note: I’m pretty sure Vinilla Diesel is the name of a Sativa strain that my local weed shop sells.) Vin didn’t name his daughter Vinilla Diesel, because he named her after his late soul brother and friend Paul Walker. Vin said this to Natalie:
“I’m telling you this, because I love you, Natalie. You know I really do. I know you’re a good soul and I know that this is in good hands. But while I was in the hospital… The name that I will give you is… I named her Pauline. There’s no other person that I was thinking about as I was cutting the umbilical cord. I knew he was there and it felt like a way to keep his memory a part of my family, a part of my world.”
So Vin is holding his newborn baby in front of Paloma who was probably spread-eagle and huffing and puffing because she just gave birth to a human, and he thinks of Paul Walker? What is Paloma? The chopped liver who just carried his kid for 9 months and gave birth to her! No, I know what Vin meant and naming his daughter after Paul is sweet and touching. Paul is probably always with Vin, which is why Paloma didn’t think it was weird when he shouted, “This one’s for you, brotha,” as he shot the load of baby batter that knocked her up.
I always thought that anyone watching those Comedy Central roasts knows to leave their pearl clutching pearls in the jooree box, because pretty much anything goes and many of those hos who take the mic are out to shock and offend. I mean, during the Pamela Anderson roast, evil bitches made fun of God’s spirit sister Bea Arthur and I thought that was against all laws of everything. But I guess some jokes are too much for Comedy Central. During Saturday night’s taping of the Justin Bieber roast, which was the latest stop on his “I Swear I’m No Longer A Split Open Anus Wart” tour, seasoned roaster Jeff Ross and SNLer Pete Davidson both made jokes about Paul Walker’s death, because Ludacris, who’s in those Fast & Furious movies, was there. The Hollywood Reporter says that the jokes bombed and Ludacris was pissed. Here’s two of the jokes:
“‘Move bitch, get out of the way!’ is what Paul Walker should’ve told that tree. Too soon? Too fast? Too furious?” – Jeff Ross
“Just this past year, Justin got arrested for drag racing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t with Paul Walker. What? He’s doing great! He’s got a movie coming out!” – Pete Davidson
Jeff Ross also told a joke about Pete Davidson’s firefighter dad dying in the World Trade Center attacks, but these are the jokes that made Comedy Central hit the TOO FAR button. Those jokes won’t make the cut when this mess airs later this month. Comedy Central burped up this statement:
“Roasts often push the limits of good taste and we give the participants full rein to try things knowing we have the edit to shape the show. Sometimes the line is discovered by crossing it. The Paul Walker references will not be in the telecast.”
Jeff responded to his Paul Walker joke getting cut by making what sounds like another Paul Walker joke: “I was so in the moment, I don’t know what jokes hit.”
Since Comedy Central is editing out stuff they think is too offensive and crosses the line, I’m guessing they’re going to completely edit out Justin Bieber and his drowned long-haired guinea pig hair. Because his entire existence is offensive to humanity.
After Paul Walker died, the producers of the Fast & Furious movies said that the 7th movie will go on, because it’s what he would’ve wanted and they want to pay tribute to him. Yes, because Hollywood movie producers definitely think of other humans before they think of the faucet that dribbles out money into their savings accounts getting turned off.
Paul Walker was in the middle of shooting scenes for Fast & Furious 7 (alternate title: THEY’RE MAKING ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE CAR MOVIES?!) when he died and he still had a few more scenes to shoot. The producers pressed pause on shooting and used the time to figure out what they were going to do. There were rumors that they were going to either write Paul’s character out or use a creepy CGI Paul Walker to complete the movie. They are going to use CGI, but they’re going to pair it with doubles played by Paul Walker’s brothers. The producers said on Facebook (via Vulture) yesterday that Caleb and Cody Walker (which sounds like the title of a hit Nickelodeon show about two twin country stars who take over their family’s cow milking business) have stepped in to finish their brother’s scenes.
The FAST & FURIOUS saga is about family. The characters are connected by the bond of family, and it is how all of us who have worked together for more than thirteen years feel about each other. It certainly defines how we feel about our fans.
Our family experienced an unthinkable shock in November. We had to take time to grieve Paul, the brother we love and lost, and to figure out if we should move on with our film.
We came together and all felt the only choice was to continue. We believe our fans want that, and we believe Paul would want that too. Paul had already shot his dramatic scenes and most of his action for FAST & FURIOUS 7, and it’s among the strongest work of his career.
We have resumed shooting and now welcome Paul’s brothers, Caleb and Cody, into our FAST family. Caleb and Cody are helping us complete some remaining action for their brother and fill in small gaps left in production. Having them on set has made us all feel that Paul is with us too.
Let’s hope that next year, Caleb and Cody are nominated for a highly-esteemed MTV Movie Award against Ice Cube and Kevin Hart for Ride Along 2: We’re Still Riding Along and WIN. The world needs another Ice Cube meltdown.