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Pic: Men’s Health
Open Post: Hosted By Two Dogs Playing Hockey
Today we’ve covered more Charlie Sheen darkness and the weak efforts of Pimp Mama Kris, so I say we need some light up in here. Our Open Post today is these two dachshund puppies dressed up as hockey players and playing hockey!
These two talented little misters are Crusoe and his brother, Oakley. Crusoe is mega big time. He’s a New York Times Bestselling author and has a huge Instagram following. But he and his brother are just two totally normal guys who are still down to earth and just do regular things, like play hockey. And make hearts melt. It’s a crazy fucked up world at there, so it sure is nice to know that sometimes you can just two dogs play hockey. If this were actually how real hockey was, I’d be it’s biggest fan. In fact, I say we switch all sports to being played by dogs. Yes! Much better!
via People
Janet Jackson Fans Are Not Sure If They’ll Get A Refund For Her Postponed Tour
“Well, well, well, what do we have here,” asked Detective LaToya as she finally managed to get the file cabinet open. She’d worn her most Carmen San Diego coat and hat for this little mission. She always liked to feel glamorous, especially when it came to family related matters. LaToya held the flashlight high as she looked through the sales receipts and records for her sister’s Unbreakable world tour. “As unbreakable as a china kitten I definitely didn’t steal from Michael…” she said as she scanned the numbers. There was a noise down the hall, a security guard. And just like that she was gone, files in hand. The security guard would never know just how close he’d been to one of the world’s most exquisite creatures.
As previously reported here, Janet Jackson‘s world tour isn’t as unbreakable as the name would suggest. In fact, “shattered” might be a better name for it as it is as fractured, splintered and broken up as a smashed windshield. Janet has pushed indefinite pause on the tour because she’s either pregnant or trying to get pregnant at the age of 49 and has been told she needs to rest. Now the question fans are asking is whether or not they can get a refund. UsWeekly is saying that yes, they can, and have a statement from a rep for Live Nation:
“The Janet Jackson Unbreakable tour in North America will be postponed until 2017. New dates will be announced at a later time, and tickets will be honored for the rescheduled dates. Refunds are also available at the point of purchase. Stay tuned to JanetJackson.com and LiveNation.com for further info.”
But Daily Mail is telling a different story. They’re saying vendors are refusing refunds because the tour is being rescheduled, not cancelled. Tickets are still for sale and only one show is showing up as cancelled. This isn’t the first time Janet has broken fan hearts with a tour. She cancelled her Rock Witchu tour as well as her All For You tour. Really though, at this point, it’s a case of fool me, once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. But such is the glamorous life of a billionaire’s wife and entertainment legend. Between fancy doctors and sipping champagne, one must break some hearts! And just like the security guard, these fans will never have known what it is like to be in the presence of a Jackson!
Pic: Wenn
Brett Rossi Got Her Restraining Order Against Charlie Sheen
Well, it’s the weekend and I’m in Florida (HELP) so of course there’s a new story about Charlie Sheen and his ex-fiance, Brett Rossi, real name Scottine. I woke up with the overwhelming desire to cry because I lost my phone last night but seeing this story has given me some clarity. When you think you’re a mess, have acted a mess, just messed mess, think of Charlie Sheen and Brett Rossi. Or Charlie Sheen and anyone. Even Charlie Sheen and inanimate objects. There is no way he doesn’t yell at and allegedly threaten inanimate objects the same way he does living things.
As reported by world renowned journalist, me, last weekend, Brett Rossi filed for a restraining order against Charlie after hearing recordings of him talking about how he’d like to hire someone to kick her head in, amongst other very classy and normal things. The LA Times is reporting that Brett got her restraining order, a temporary one, yesterday. The Times also says that this is hot on the heels of the LAPD saying, on Wednesday, that Charlie is under investigation for alleged threats he made against Brett.
Axl Rose Broke His Foot But Will Still Perform At Coachella
The show must go on! That’s the true motto of a real STAH! Rain didn’t keep Diana Ross from performing in Central Park. A busted liver and a pill addiction didn’t keep Judy Garland from her fans. And now, Axl Rose joins the list of entertainers who just had to push through so as not to disappoint fans! Axl broke his foot but that won’t stop him from performing! Kudos to him for not cancelling.
Axl revealed on his Twitter that his foot is fractured. The fracture happened during a Guns N’ Roses‘ show last Friday at the Troubadour in L.A. They’re performing this week in Vegas and next weekend at Hell on Earth, Coachella, or as Vanessa Hudgens probably calls it, “a very spiritual place where one can wear a string headband and a tassel fringe vest.” Vulture has confirmed that the thousands and thousands of people going to Coachella to take selfies will not be deprived of Guns N’ Roses, a band none of them even know because Guns N’ Roses is way too old for toddlers in denim short shorts.
Highlighting just how long it’s been, in his tweet, Axl wrote, “This is what can happen when you do something you haven’t done in over 23 years.” Is anyone going to Coachella over 23 or even close to it? Ugh. This makes me feel old and angry. Which are my two favorite things to feel, so thank you, Axl and thank you, Coachella dickheads. Axl also tweeted a video of his doctor explaining what exactly happened to his foot:
This is what can happen when you do something you haven’t done in nearly over 23 years,”Internal Fixation” (ง’̀-‘́)ง https://t.co/jFTz3MQw82
— Axl Rose (@axlrose) April 8, 2016
Thanks to some kind fan, there’s video from last night’s Guns N’ Roses show in Vegas. Save yourself the descent into horror that is Coachella and just watch this instead:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDeKTQBAI8c
Pic: Splash
Kendall Jenner And Harry Styles Might Be A Thing Again But Probably Not
Between Rob Kardashian getting engaged to Blac Chyna -aka Angela Kardashian- and Kylie Jenner giving you busted down, put to the fire Barbie realness, Pimp Mama Kris needs a little ray of sunshine. She’s has been locked in her business woman lair for a week, probably, crying, knocking back highball glasses of white wine spritzer and having to put on her best serious voice for conference calls with the dark beings responsible for her manger of somewhat lifelike daughters. Well, today she can celebrate and step out for a little because the one that is clearly most embarrassed to come from the same gene pool, Kendall Jenner, is possibly back with someone who is, arguably, one of the most famous people in the world, Harry Styles. PMK needs the fame points of others or she may well cease to exist.
I don’t want to be cynical because that’s totally out of character for me, totally, but something about this just isn’t ringing true to me. First of all, we can’t see who the guy is in the picture. It could be a decoy for all we know! A lousy fake! A scam! PMK is desperate for some good press and taking attention away from Rob, the soiled one. This wouldn’t be the first time Kendall and Harry were questionably together. Remember when they had lunch with Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi on a yacht? Yeah. I don’t know what favor Ellen owed PMK, but my god, lunch with those two must have meant she had a huge debt to pay off.
I’d like to believe they’e for real because the world needs more love to balance out all the horrible, but I don’t think it’s worth my time or yours to look for love in a PMK ProduKtion. As I alluded to earlier, I have a feeling that were we to see the guy in the picture from the front, it would be a “B-” Harry impersonator. PMK isn’t known for her finesse and this is smelling of high school drama department level staging to me. Good try, Kris, but nothing will distract us from Rob’s Revenge: The Movie! He even got Kim to give the most lifelike performance of her life (via his Instagram):
Pic: @knjdaily