Break Out The Lisa Frank Wedding Invitations! Mimi And Her Billionaire Piece Are Engaged!

January 22, 2016 / Posted by:

The Butterfly Rainbow Unicornie Princess and Billionaire Shrek have been a thing for less than a year and in pictures they have the chemistry of a dehydrated rutabaga and wet tampon lint, but who cares! They’re still a perfect match, because James Packer is worth billions upon billions of dollars and Mariah Carey is the kind of luxurious swan who is bored with dipping into her own vault of millions to buy her own diamonds. Besides why buy diamonds when you can buy the entire diamond mine?

E! News reported last night that James Packer got on one knee and asked Mimi to be his third wife. He did it in front of her friends at the restaurant Eleven Madison Park in NYC. E! doesn’t have many details about the proposal ceremony, but since this is Mimi we’re talking about, I’m probably not exaggerating when I say that children in cherub costumes danced to one of her songs around her before buff dudes in pink angel costumes lifted her on a unicorn. The unicorn carried her out to the restaurant’s loading dock where a crane carefully put a 10 ton diamond boulder ring on her butterfly finger. Speaking of the ring, Dlisted has an EXCLUSIVO picture of it:


Please. Mimi wipes her Hello Kitty anus with diamonds that are bigger than that tiny thing. The Daily Mail has pictures of Mimi’s actual engagement ring and it’s bigger than Liechtenstein. It’s a 35 carat flawless diamond ring. A jewelry expert thinks it retails for around $7.5 million. I am a little disappointed with that ring, honestly. I was expecting a 50 carat pink diamond ring that opens up to reveal a little diamond ballerina twirling to “Always Be My Baby.” That must be Mimi’s real engagement ring and that 35 carat diamond ring is just her casual daytime bling.

This will be Mimi’s third marriage too. Gossip Cop says that she’s still technically married to Nick Cannon. Their divorce hasn’t been made official yet.

A tear is slowly trickling down my cheek as I think about how exquisitely tasteful this wedding is going to be. But then again, since this will be the third marriage for both of them and it’s all about their everlasting love, I’m sure it’ll be a very simple wedding. And by “simple” I mean it’ll cost $100 million instead of $300 million. Okay, it’ll cost $110 million. I mean, Mimi just has to be led down the aisle by 12 baby blue-dyed swans in diamond tiaras.

Pic: Lisa Frank,

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