Jennifer Lawrence wore nip pads to CinemaCon yesterday and that’s great and everything but why in the hell does Chris Pratt look like he’s about to serve us a barbecued turkey leg and beans in an iron pot at a Knott’s Berry Farm restaurant? – The Superficial

Blake NotSoLively is probably growing another artisanal fetus in her womb – Lainey Gossip

Excuse me as I flick myself in the eyes for thinking this was a vintage picture of Cher – Drunken Stepfather

Robert Downey Jr. was at the Captain America: Civil War premiere looking about as confident as a bitch who is about to be 30 zillion dollars richer after his newest superhero movie opens next month – Celebitchy

Kim Zolciak needs to renovate her wigs before she renovates houses – Reality Tea

The power of the Stone! Sharon Stone got some movie to switch locations after she refused to film in Mississippi while their anti-LGBT law exists – Towleroad

Selena Gomez is kind of giving me cleaned-up G-rated Black Snake Moan in this shoot for GQ – Popoholic

Dora the Explorer got suspended from school for vaping. The worst part is, she was vaping caramel flavored water. SICK! Poor Dora probably would’ve smoked the good shit if that puta she cannot stand didn’t lose her stash (that reference will only make sense to those of you who have seen this) – Jezebel

Amber Heard was at some premiere last night when she should be in an Australian prison cell for Yorkie smuggling – Hollywood Tuna 

Something called a Post Malone did what millions have wanted to do for years: choke Justin Bieber – OMG Blog

Debby Ryan got busted for DUI, and just like, a new ginger Disney mess may have emerged… – HuffPo

A standalone Battfleck movie is happening, because duh – IDLYITW

Nobody bother Jenny McCarthy tonight because she’ll be busy rubbing a few out to this  Robert De Niro interview – Starcasm

PRUUUUUUUUUUUNE – The Berry

You know you’re hard-up when you look at a picture of Samuel L. Jackson getting cupped and search for his ass crack – SOW

Justin Theroux’s nips are happy to see you – Popsugar

Kimmy Schmidt is knocked up – Just Jared 

Pic: Getty

Bono testified in the Senate on Capitol Hill on Tuesday (and yes, I’ll pause as your mind barfs up ten question marks over that) about the new no-tax-on-sunglasses bill he’s trying to push through. No, he didn’t talk about that, but I’m surprised he didn’t bring that up. Bono was there as the co-founder of the anti-poverty ONE campaign to ask for more aid to the Middle East, because he believes that less poverty will lead to less terrorism. Bono also mouth burped up one of his suggestions to erasing terrorism from the planet. Bono believes we should fight ISIS with the funnies and suggested that we send in a troupe of comedy warriors.

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It’s not exactly shaping up to be a great week for secondary kharacters on Keeping Up With The Kardashians. First Khloe Kardashian decides that it’s time to stop pretending to care about Lamar Odom’s problems (and maybe to take a look at those divorce papers again). Then Kanye West gets kaught ranting about being an “artist” again. Now TMZ is saying that Kylie Jenner’s broke boyfriend might have to say goodbye to another one of his leased luxury cars.

According to documents obtained by TMZ (aka dropped off on their doorstep by Blac Chyna before her trip to the fire station with Fiance Rob), Tyga owes a whole lot of money to a car loan company called Choice Motor Credit. Tyga hasn’t made any payments on his 2013 Lamborghini Aventador, and now CMC is coming after him for $357,350.77. If Tyga can’t come up with the money, they’re going to repossess his Lamborghini.

This isn’t Tyga’s first repo rodeo with Choice Motor Credit. Back in February, CMC took back Tyga’s 2014 Bentley Mulsanne. TMZ says Tyga still owes CMC more than $91,000 for that Bentley. This also isn’t his first time getting in trouble for being too broke to pay the bills. Back in August, it was revealed that Tyga owed two different landlords a combined total of $150,000 in unpaid rent (with one landlord threatening to evict his deadbeat ass). A month later he was busted giving his girlfriend a $260,000 Ferrari for her birthday that was leased in her name.

Maybe if Tyga is lucky, his sugar teen will swoop in and save the day, and he won’t have to part with his Lamborghini. And if that doesn’t happen, he could always ask one of the producers of Keeping All These Kunts Relevant for an advance on his paycheck. I’d say he could also ask for an advance from his real job, but I’m not entirely sure he still has one of those.

Here’s Tyga’s girlfriend and the factory mold she was cast from (who appears to be cosplaying a hooker from The Matrix) at a recording studio earlier today.

Pics: Splash

If Kristen Stewart’s goal is to look like her image belongs above a newspaper story about how a strung-out vagrant was arrested for starting a meth lab-fueled fire in an abandoned Family Dollar store in Central Florida, then she’s nailing it!

Like they say, beauty is pain and KStew probably went through a lot of that when someone actually shampooed her mop before bleaching it. That salon’s pipes probably got clogged with the blobs of grease that were washed out of KStew’s hair, but that’s all part of the business of beauty. KStew worked that “Macaulay Culkin after a date with a Flowbee” look while strutting around NYC with her girlfriend SoKo yesterday. Kristen Stewart looks like the kind of mess who will come up to you while you’re pumping gas at the gas station to ask for a few dollars or a cigarette. You know, when you see her coming toward you, you quickly pull the pump out of your car’s side hole, so you can jump into your car real quick and take off before she gets to you.

What I’m saying is, it’s a look. But really, KStew should take some styling lessons from her piece, because SoKo knows how to do messy. SoKo looks like Sister Bear if Sister Bear became a human hipster and went to art school. And that look is so now.

Pics: Splash

Sometime-actress and full-time snobby rich lady Gwyneth Paltrow is currently peddling her new cookbook, It’s All Easy, which is all about quick, easy recipes. You know, like the kind a single mom makes when her chef needs the evening off (how rude) before the kids’ Italian lesson in Brentwood. Sometimes you don’t have enough time to make an organic quail roast with heirloom morels and artisanal ramps, so you just throw together whatever one of the housekeepers put in the Sub-Zero, you know?

Gwyneth is apparently all about the easy food, hence the name It’s All Easy. But Goopy’s version of easy is very different from the easy of the uncultured poors. For example, you won’t find Gwyneth keeping things easy at dinnertime by reheating yesterday’s pizza. While talking to Entertainment Tonight yesterday, Gwyneth admitted that there isn’t a microwave at Castle Goopskull, because EW, are you kidding?? Gwyneth would never!

“I do not own a microwave. No. I believe in the old-fashioned way of heating things up.”

According to Gwyneth in It’s All Easy: “It’s really not so tough to put an oven on or gasoline steaming. It’s like five minutes.” You hear that, you lazy oafs? Stop trying to cut corners with your plastic radiation box and start gasoline streaming like a goddamn human being already. Jesus, it’s like, five minutes. Are you that impatient? You know what, maybe you don’t deserve to know how to make 10-minute harissa-glazed razor clam with pickled daikon and preserved lemon foam.

Another thing you won’t find in Goopy’s kitchen: dill. Gwyneth Paltrow hates dill! Or as Gwyneth says, “It really offends me.” Poor dill. Oh well, more delicious dill pickles for the rest of us. Well, at least until some fancy anti-aging specialist tells Gwyneth that dill enemas are the new bee stings, at which point we’ll be fighting a dill-hoarding Gwyneth for the last jar.

Here’s more of the Regina George to dill and microwave’s Janice and Damien signing books at Barnes & Noble yesterday.

Pics: Splash

Suicide Squad comes out in 4 months, so Warner Bros. is really going to go hard and bareback bone our brains with the idea that Jared Leto was so CRAZY and so METHOD during shooting. We’ve already been told that Jared Leto got so into the mind of the Joker while filming that he went full-throttle method (served in a condom made of 100% sarcasm) and sent the cast a dead pig and gave Margot Robbie a live rat. Well, Jared and the cast are still trying to prove to us that the word “method” should be changed to “Leto” since he redefined it. They claim that Jared also gifted them with a couple of things found in a gift bag from Kanye West’s birthday party: anal beads and used condoms.

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