I would think that sick children would feel even sicker from the sight of Marie Osmond hopping around while looking like some kind of creature that was rejected from Captain EO for being too scary. But according to Marie Osmond’s video for Music Is Medicine, I am so mistaken.

The MTV Video Music Awards always get it wrong, so I’m sure Marie’s video won’t win Video of the Year. But Kanye West will earn back a little credibility if he crashes the stage, snatches the award out of the winner’s hand and says, “Imma let you finish, but Marie Osmond had one of the best videos of all-time!” He would not be lying either. Yes, the side effects for Music Is Medicine include night terrors, diarrhea, an intense craving for Molly and a sudden fear of accepting FedEx packages, but it’ll also take you up, up and away.

In the video, a girl at a children’s hospital opens up a FedEx package from a robot and out pops Marie Osmond looking like a deranged Thundercat who’s starring in a production of Starlight Express that is so low-budget they can’t afford skates. Marie and her chorus of dancers in recycled Kids Inc. costumes bust out moves in the lobby of the children’s hospital before they skip around and replace the sick kids’ medicines with Beats headphones (PRODUCT PLACEMENT ALERT!). I know that Marie is Mormon, but this mess looks like a Scientology propaganda video. A Scientology propaganda video done really fucking right, might I add!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8uxzA7Ckdk

And now I need some medicine, specifically a whole lot of Ambien and Xanax. I don’t have a prescription, but I’m sure the pharmacist at CVS will hand over their entire supply when I tell them I desperately need those meds because of this:

Well, they won’t hand over their entire supply. They’ll need some for themselves after seeing Marie Osmond looking scarier than one of her dolls.

When a bunch of pictures hit the internet of Blake Lively looking a little swollen in the stomach area while reshooting scenes for The Shallows in Malibu yesterday, it could only mean one of two things. Either she’d treated herself to too much hand-made plantation-style huckleberry pie from the icebox the night before, or Ryan Reynolds had busted a BC nut into his wife’s business. Well, according to People, it’s the second one. A source confirms to People that Blake is pregnant with their second child. The source adds that both Blake and Ryan are “absolutely thrilled.” Blake and Ryan already have a one-year-old girl named James.

People reached out to Blake and Ryan’s people to see if they had anything to say about Blake’s baby situation, but they had no comment. I’m sure when the time is right, she’ll announce it in her own way. What way that is, I have no idea. Blake announced her first pregnancy by posting a filtered-to-hell-and-back picture of her baby bump on her lifestyle website, Preserve.us. But the corpse of Preserve.us was buried in the website graveyard back in September, so I don’t know what she’ll do this time. Maybe she’s working on an old-timey pregnancy announcement iPhone app called Over Yonder Moon that sends everyone in your contacts a sepia-toned sonogram picture.

This would usually be where I’d start speculating what kind of historic-sounding name Blake will give her new baby. But since I can’t do any better than Kelly Clarkson today, I’m going to guess what kind of insufferable food cravings she’ll get this time around instead. The last time it was hand-churned pumpkin-flavored ice cream and small-batch pickles. This time I’m going to say Ryan will be running out in the middle of the night for cold-brewed turmeric tonic and something that was baked in a stone hearth.

Here’s more of Blake doing reshoots for The Shallows. I do appreciate how Blake is wearing a robe tied around her waist that says both “There’s no baby in here” and “There is definitely a baby here.”

Pics: Splash

Reality shit show trick/crap-tasting booze mogul and Emperor Kuzco’s rival Bethenny Frankel was a speaker at a women’s entrepreneurial summit over the weekend, and guess what? She offended people! No, she didn’t offend people by serving them that piss-flavored mouthwash Skinny Girl. She offended them with the words that dribbled out of her mouth.

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When Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s marriage bit the dust a little over eight months ago, it was revealed that they didn’t have a prenup. Eight months was technically more than enough time for Gwen to track down the shadiest divorce lawyers a famous rich person could buy and plot a way to keep as much of the cash she made during their 13-year-long marriage. But she didn’t have to do that. TMZ says Gwen and Gavin have finally settled their divorce, and Gavin is walking away with far less than he’s entitled to.

A few months after they split, a source told TMZ that Gavin was planning on playing nice and wouldn’t be sucking her bank account dry. Or at least as dry as a 50/50 split would get him. Gavin could have taken half of Gwen’s shit, but sources tell TMZ he nodded his head “yes” to far less than that. They’ve agreed on a lopsided split of their properties, with Gwen getting the larger share. Gavin didn’t push for a settlement check either. TMZ doesn’t say whether or not he got any money from Gwen as a parting gift, but they do know he isn’t currently diving into a pool of coins, Scrooge McDuck-style.

They also agreed to split custody of their three children, Kingston, Zuma, and Apollo, with Gavin getting just a tiny bit more time with them because of Gwen’s touring schedule. However, Gavin didn’t ask for any child support, and he won’t be getting any. Although I’m sure Gwen will still kick in a couple hundred dollars here and there for hair bleaching and fedoras.

This might be one of the more reasonable famous people splits in the history of famous people splits. If the Grinch moved from Whoville to Beverly Hills and focused his attention from Christmas to celebrity divorce settlements, this would be the part where he turns to a confused Max (who is now a blonde Botoxed poodle) and asks: “No screaming? No shouting? No social media snapping? How can two famous people get divorced without slapping?”

Pic: Splash

In all seriously, I’m really glad to see that the flower wall from Kim and Kanye’s wedding is still getting work.

I wouldn’t have thought that Garry Marshall and the crew from his latest full-of-stars film Mother’s Day would would have enough time to throw a red carpet premiere. I figured that as soon as he croaked “That’s a wrap!” on Mother’s Day, he’d wrangle everyone back up and start working on Memorial Day or Susan B. Anthony Day or whatever his next sort-of-a-holiday holiday-themed movie is. But I guess you just can’t keep the stars (and the star-adjacent, as you’ll see below) from strutting down a red carpet, because they had one last night in Los Angeles.

As you can see, Jennifer Aniston was there with a smile on her face, despite the fact that she apparently didn’t do enough smiling and waving on her way in and got booed. I was really hoping that some of Justin Theroux’s red carpet antics  would have rubbed off Jenny and she’d roll up to the premiere of Mother’s Day in a pair of elastic-waist Mom Jeans™ and an appliqué vest. But she didn’t. Instead she asked her limo driver for his jacket and wore it as a dress. Julia Roberts also walked the red carpet, but sadly she didn’t do it in that busted orange Ana Wintour wig she wore in the movie. Kate Hudson wasn’t there because she was too busy untangling herself from J. J. Watt’s wall of abs. No, she wasn’t there because she had another thing to go to.

Here’s more from the premiere of the movie that will make a million moms wish they could have snuck an extra mimosa for two from brunch into the theatre. Once you’re done slogging through all the nobodies at the beginning, you’ll get to the real stars of the night at the end. I’m of course talking about three-time Garry Marshall movie star Wedil David, all-natural beauty Kara Del Toro, and friend of Real Housewives Taylor Armstrong.

Pics: Wenn.com

A group of Roman Catholic nuns in Los Angeles are currently throwing holy water at Lady Justice and condemning a certain judge’s soul to the depths of hell, because they lost hard in their battle to keep their precious convent out of the clutches of Katy Perry’s unholy chichis!

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