We’re but one month away from the kickoff of every Pinterest-loving, The Bachelor-binging sorority girl’s favorite season, wedding season. But one person who won’t be nervously sweating Lady Speed Stick through her gown during wedding season is Zoe Kravitz, because she went ahead and took all the pressure off by secretly getting married to her fiancé Karl Glusman.
I’m starting to think that Miranda Lambert‘s New Year’s resolutions read like a list of random acts like:
1) Beat a bitch with some lettuce.
2) Marry someone you barely know.
3) Call the divorce lawyer on St. Patrick’s Day after bar hopping.
If this is what her list looks like then she’s truly living her best life for sticking to her resolutions. However, many were confused when she popped up with the news that she married a dude named Brendan McLoughlin over the weekend, and wondered where did he come from. It all started on November 2 when Miranda, along with her Pistol Annies band mates Ashley Monroe and Angaleena Presley performed in New York during Good Morning America in Times Square. While they were busy singing for their supper onstage, Brendan, an NYPD officer, was in the crowd trying to keep fans away from the stage. That’s probably a good idea since Miranda tends to like altercations with people screaming in her face, even though these would have been people cheering her on rather than inviting her to another fight.
Well I’ll be a corn shucker’s silver dollar pancake! Last week boot scootin’ salad tosser Miranda Lambert went and surprised us all (not really) by throwing some lettuce on a stranger in a steak restaurant. Not that Miranda needs an excuse to toss a salad in public whenever she feels like it, but now we know the real reason why she did it! Miranda was just releasing some pre-wedding jitters. That’s right, Miranda has gone and surprised us all again (not really) by getting secret married to her new boyfriend of a few minutes.
For a woman who seems to take her angry typing fingers to her keyboard every ten minutes or so, Twitter Politician Stacey Dash did a great job staying mum about the fact that she got secret married back on April 6. The wedding, Stacey’s fourth, took place in Florida (because of course it did). And who is the lucky groom? Stacey’s fellow is a man by the name of Jeffrey Marty, better known as the man who created the fake Twitter handle @RepStevenSmith who was the first (and most importantly fake) “member of Congress” to endorse Trump for President.
These two lovebirds seem like a match made in Conservative heaven! Someone assemble a reality camera crew and start filming this STAT!
So I guess Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are like legit married? This is what we can confirm? It sure is what TMZ is saying is the truth. We know they for sure got a marriage license and were chilling at a courthouse. But Hailey denied they were married. So they are most likely married, but for some reason are being weird about it. Maybe TMZ has insight into that weirdness, because according to them: there is no prenup. Congrats Hailey, and Stephen Baldwin who now has a new job: calling his daughter every day for a loan.
When Ariana Grande and her fiancé Pete Davidson stepped onto the pink carpet of the MTV VMAs last night, there was one specific item that caught people’s eyes and made it instantly feel like a secret had been revealed. No, it wasn’t Ariana’s 1980s interplanetary superhero dress. Pete was wearing a little beaded bracelet on his right wrist that many are thinking might be a not-subtle clue about the true status of their relationship.