Of course she wasn’t! Demi Lovato is about to learn that if you grab the sugar cookie, you get the sharp shards of royal icing. I don’t know what that means, but it feels like something said by Taylor Swift while staring menacingly out of a window in the war room of her gingerbread house.

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Kunty Karl can’t physically cry, but if he could, he wouldn’t shed one tear about Kim Kardashian reportedly getting robbed at gunpoint by jewel thieves. Karl basically told reporters after his Chanel show that when you drink Don Pérignon around Three Buck Chuck drinkers, you shouldn’t be surprised when one of them snatches your crystal champagne flute out of your hand. A spokesperson for the Paris police department also hit our eyeballs with a giant DUX (that’s French for “duh,” I checked) by saying that Kim was targeted by alleged thieves because she’s famous, rich and flashed her diamonds all over social media. Pimp Mama Kris, I mean, a family source, tells People that Kim isn’t blaming her pimp mom for choosing that one night to not have cameras on her. Kim is blaming herself.

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“Subtlety” got a new visual definition at last night’s NYC premiere of The Girl on the Train when Laura Prepon accidentally gave every camera there a full view of her engagement ring while casually and spontaneously draping her hand over her piece’s arm. That “Oh, holding my purse like this is really, really comfortable and natural for me and OH MY GOD why are you taking pictures of the engagement ring I’m wearing since I’m engaged, stop, stop asking me questions about my engagement ring” pose is so subtle. Because the purse she’s carrying is black, it looks like she’s putting her hands in an invisible manicure bowl and speaking of needing a manicure….

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Last night, Kid Cudi – the rapper you might associate with accusing Kanye West and Drake of getting the smart kids to do their homework – posted a long note to Facebook that began with him telling everyone that he was “ashamed” and “living a lie.” I immediately assumed I was about to read Kid’s confession that he’s actually a 56-year-old man and would now be going by Middle-Aged Cudi. I should have known it was going to be far heavier than that. Kid Cudi was “ashamed” to admit that he was fighting a deep, dark battle with depression and that he was currently checked into rehab.

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Candy Spelling will soon be writing a couple extra zeros on her monthly children-of-my-broke-child support checks, because Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott are expecting their fifth child. Tori and The Deaner gave the EXCLUSIVE details of their pregnancy to People magazine, who I hope were smart and made the check out to Amex.

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Old Macdonald had a car
E-I-E-I-O
And on this car he had some GOATS
E-I-E-I-O
With a bang bang here
And a fuck fuck there
Here a wham, there a bam
Everywhere a grand slam
Old Macdonald had a car
E-I-E-I-O – Ecstasy Made Me Gay

Upvote winner:

See the USA in your chèvre lay. – THE Eunice Burns

Pic: Tosh.0