People says that Laura Prepon and her husband of 16 months Ben Foster are having another kid. They confirmed the news earlier today on Instagram. 39-year-old Laura and 38-year-old Ben are Scientologists, so I was kind of hoping for an on-brand pregnancy announcement post. Like a picture of Laura holding some E-meter cans and a caption that read: “I can’t suppress this news! Audit-it with Ben and now I’m pregnant!” Instead, we got a sweet picture of Laura’s 2-year-old daughter Ella using her baby belly as a convenient window-watching seat.
In the past, Ben Foster might have been able to give a surly “who wants to know” when asked if he’s a Scientologist. But Ben and loud n’ proud ‘Tologist Laura Prepon just got married so it’s probably safe to assume he’s got at least a couple Dianetics monologues memorized for auditions. After all, according to L. Ron Hubbard himself, the “R” corner of the ARC Triangle, the main tenet of a Scientology marriage, is “reality”. Or more accurately, relative reality.
A source (a gossip-whispering thetan?) tells UsWeekly says that 37-year-old out-and-proud Scientologist Laura Prepon and her 36-year-old down-low Scientologist fiancé Ben Foster are now the parents to a baby girl. Donna from That 70s Show was rumored to be knocked up back in January, then she confirmed said knocking up as well as what she was having on Live! with Kelly & Ryan in June.
According to UsWeekly’s source, the baby was possibly born earlier this week or last week, or who knows? Maybe this baby was born a month ago and already knows it doesn’t like the sound of Unky Ashton’s annoying laugh. Also not known is the name. All we know for sure is that Laura and Ben were seen having dinner in New York City on Tuesday night. They were reportedly seen enjoying “wine and cocktails,” which to me seems like one of the more obvious ways to let everyone know you’re no longer carrying a kid around inside you.
So this means the Church of Scientology has a…whatever they call a baptism, to plan. I’m guessing it’s called something pseudo-scientific and pretentious, like a Small Adult Celestial Enlightenment Ceremony. Actually, I wonder what that would be like? There’s definitely some kind of formal infant gown passed down from child to child with Tom Cruise’s smiling face hand-stitched into it. David Miscavige has John Travolta pour barley water into the baptismal font (aka a bowl placed on the apple crates David and Tom stand on during presentations). Someone dips the cans of an E-meter into the barley water and places them in the baby’s hands. Then the ceremony is complete when the baby has been asked who should be billed for their My First Auditing Session.
That unsettling sound you hear is the sound of David Miscavige and the other head crazies of Scientology squealing with greedy happiness over the fact that they’ll soon have a new member who will have to pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to climb up that bridge. Laura Prepon’s unborn baby better find a way to leak stories about her pregnancy to the tabloids for a check, because kid’s gonna need coins for those OT courses.
In October, 36-year-old Laura Prepon let the world know that she’s engaged to Robin Wright’s 36-year-old ex-piece Ben Foster by flashing her engagement ring in an oh-so-subtle way at the premiere of The Girl on the Train. And now People has confirmed through a source (please let that source be Laura’s unborn baby since again, kids need that cheese) that living in her womb is both her and Beefy Ben’s first child. Laura and Ben were at an event at Sundance Film Festival last night and a witness says that she did something only pregnant women do. She finished all her food. GASP!!!
“Ben seemed really protective and kept very close to Laura the entire night. He was holding on to her arm as they walked in and kept by her side during the dinner. Neither of them got up much to mingle. They definitely enjoyed dinner. I noticed she finished her plate.”
Yup, that means she’s either been bitten by a wolf and is now a werewolf, or she’s got a growing human in her body.
Well, I hope that Laura and Ben’s baby gets her completely natural immaculate Sharpie brows. That will almost make up for the kid having to walk on their knees at every Scientology event that Tom Cruise is at since nobody is allowed to be taller than Prince Tommy Girl!
“Subtlety” got a new visual definition at last night’s NYC premiere of The Girl on the Train when Laura Prepon accidentally gave every camera there a full view of her engagement ring while casually and spontaneously draping her hand over her piece’s arm. That “Oh, holding my purse like this is really, really comfortable and natural for me and OH MY GOD why are you taking pictures of the engagement ring I’m wearing since I’m engaged, stop, stop asking me questions about my engagement ring” pose is so subtle. Because the purse she’s carrying is black, it looks like she’s putting her hands in an invisible manicure bowl and speaking of needing a manicure….
Almost one year after he and Robin Wright called it quits on their engagement for the second time, UsWeekly is saying that Ben Foster is now working his buff ginger game on Laura Prepon. Apparently Ben traded in one model-turned-actress from an award-winning Netflix show for another model-turned-actress from an award-winning Netflix show.
A source claims that Donna from That 70s Show and Ben Foster have been together since at least July 4th weekend. The source says Laura and Ben were seen at a bar in Cape May, New Jersey on July 1st and that Laura was “all over him.” The source adds they were “really close” and “laughing.” More recently, they were seen “making out” during a 2-hour dinner at a French bistro in New York City. If this pattern continues, I’m really excited for the possibility of a source claiming to have seen them dry humping at a BBQ joint in Texas followed by full-on fucking at a juice bar in L.A.
As for how Ben and Laura got together, UsWeekly doesn’t know. But they do have a mutual friend in common, and that’s Danny Masterson. Ben has been good friends with Danny since way back, and Laura worked with Danny on That 70’s Show. She also dated Danny’s brother Christopher Masterson for 7 years. Both Laura and the Masterson brothers are big time Scientologists, and typing “Ben Foster Scientology” into a search engine returns more than a couple results. So there is a chance there’s a romantic meet-cute story that begins with the words “One upon a time in the Celebrity Centre…”
I have very few feelings either way about two somewhat bland mid-30s actors hooking up. But I am giving a slow congratulatory clap for Laura’s down-lows today. Robin Wright has said in the past that she’s never “laughed more, read more, and come more” than with Ben Foster. Good for you, Donna! Get that enthusiastic ginger business.