Farrah Abraham Is Still Campaigning Hard For Mother Of The Century
The last time Backdoor Farrah’s name was farted up onto this blog, I linked to a post about the picture she posted on Instagram of her 7-year-old daughter Sophia drinking Flat Tummy Tea. Whether she really gave her little daughter laxative tea or she was just trolling for attention, I figured that an agent from CPS would still crash through her ceiling, swoop up Sophia and retreat back up into a getaway helicopter. That didn’t happen, because Farrah is still using her daughter as a prop to get attention. And yes, I’m falling for it, but it’s either post about this wreck or do another damn post about the election.
Lindsay Lohan Is Trying To Make A Little Money Off Her Fake Euro Accent
Lindsay Lohan managed to get herself a little attention recently and it looks like she’s going to milk it for all it’s worth. Last month Lindsay did an interview where she sounded like the Lysol lady’s English-speaking half-sister and it made the internet collectively freak out over her accent of questionable origin. Lindsay decided to name her European-ish intonation “Lilohan.” Now she’s trying to cash in on the accent craze by selling branded Lilohan merch and giving the money to charity. The charity is not The Lindsay Lohan’s Wallet Fund.
Jabba The Trump Bragged About Tom Brady Voting For Him, But Gisele Bundchen Says Otherwise
On Erection Eve – That was a typo and I’m going to keep it, even though it makes no sense since this caca storm of an election has been the complete opposite of sexy and nobody’s got a boner. Well, Ken Bone may have a boner since that trick is always horny.
But anyway, on Election Eve, the mutated Oompa Loompa gooch wart was at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire where he said that Tom Brady voted for him. It wouldn’t be that surprising if Tom voted for Trump, because they are bro-friends (see: them in the picture above looking like conjoined twins from HELL) and he did have a “Make America Great Again” hat in his locker room. But in Tom’s defense, he may not have not know what that hat meant since he can’t read. Tom also said last year that he thinks Trump has what it takes to be president.
Prince William And Duchess Kate’s Visit To Canada Cost Canadian Taxpayers A Whole Lot Of Money
Back in September, Duchess Kate and Prince William flew to Canada with Prince George and Princess Charlotte for a week of waving (or not), and smiling. I’m sure a rejected Justin Trudeau didn’t forget. Vice decided to find out how much the royals’ hoser getaway cost the taxpayers of Canada. As it turns out, it cost a lot of money.
Angelina Jolie’s Team Say That She And Brad Pitt Have Come To A Custody Agreement
Angelina Jolie’s dramatic fight with Brad Pitt over the custody of the child army has been settled. At least that’s what they want you to believe (but more on that in a second).
Prince Hot Ginge Defends His Girlfriend Meghan Markle’s Honor Against The Tabloids And Racist Trolls
As Duchess Kate sat in her royal hair brushing salon (yes, she has one of those) at Kensington Palace this morning, she started to do the usual 100 brushes she does every day and when she got to 8, the rage inside of her boiled over and she slammed down her silver princess brush before screaming so loud that Prince George awoke from his deep slumber, sat up and thought, “Err, isn’t screaming my thing?” Duchess Kate knows she married the wrong British prince, because Prince William’s weak ass never defended her like this. She’s so going to switch Prince William’s hair growing vitamins with laxatives.
A quick second after everyone heard the rumor that Prince Hot Ginge betrayed my loyal heart (it’s okay, I still have my DIY Prince Hot Ginge Pillow Person) by getting serious with Rachel from Suits (government name: Rachel Meghan Markle), the tabloids got to work. The paparazzi stalked Meghan’s mom, The Sun allegedly got an interview with her half-sister (who called her a superficial fame whore), they got all Ancestry.com by writing about her ancestors and The Daily Mail shit out this wreck of a headline: Harry’s girl is (almost) straight outta Compton: Gang-scarred home of her mother revealed.
Since the rumor came out over a week ago, Meghan and the royals haven’t said anything, but Prince Hot Ginge had enough and this morning, he lifted his royal shield of honor to try to block the shit balls that the media and trolls are throwing at his lady love. The dusty DOS machine that operates my emotions is shaking and spitting out smoke, because it doesn’t know whether to swoon myself inside/out over PHG romantically defending his girlfriend or spit out rays of jealousy at Meghan over PHG romantically defending her.