Kanye West Had All Of His New Fancy Furniture Banished From His Sight!
Since Kanye West’s fashion line is full of overpriced minimalist zombie rags, I figured that his interior design aesthetic is the same and his house is as empty as his sense of humbleness and the only thing in there is a $980,000 custom-made Northern White Rhino suede sectional that’s been distressed with holes made by specially-trained Luna moths. But apparently, Kanye’s house was filled with a bunch of really expensive furniture until one day he sashayed in, felt the sting in his eyes from the ugliness of it all and did what you did when you watched his video for Famous: HEAVED!
Jennifer Aniston Is Again Talking About Being The Media’s Sad, Childless Poster Girl
For years we’ve endured (Carl Sagan voice) billions of magazine headlines celebrating a Jennifer Aniston pregnancy or the countdown to a pregnancy or the sadness of lack of pregnancy. In July, Jennifer said in an essay for the Huffington Post that she had officially had it with the never-ending pregnancy rumors. Now it feels like we’re going to spend the next several years – or at least a few months into 2017 – discussing how over it Jennifer Aniston is. Justin Theroux took the September shift, Chelsea Handler got October, and now, in November, it appears that it’s Jennifer Aniston’s turn again.
“Doctor Strange” Is Jaden Smith’s New Religion
Millions of people have seen Doctor Strange (proof: the $85 million it made at the domestic box office this past weekend), but I bet that none of them were more enlightened by it than intergalactic sage Jaden Smith. Jaden Smith’s mind is already wide open so it takes something beyond powerful to open it up even more and that movie about a surgeon wizard did just that. If Marvel passed out donation baskets after every showing of Doctor Strange, Jaden would’ve dropped in the AMEX black card his parents gave him, because that movie was like a life-changing sermon to him. You won’t find me (totally) laughing at 18-year-old Jaden Smith, because when I was around his age, I saw Showgirls for the first time and immediately declared that holy work of art my new spiritual advisor, and it still is!
There Is No Snow White-Watching In Alicia Keys’ House
During interview with Net-A-Porter’s The Edit, SANS FARDS enthusiast Alicia Keys said that fards isn’t the only thing that’s sans in her life. Alicia is currently raising two sons, 6-year-old Egypt and 1-year-old Genesis, with her husband Swizz Beats, and she’s trying really hard to raise them sans sexism.
St. Angie Jolie Is Sharpening Her Shank And Is Ready To Go To War With Brad Pitt
But St. Angie Jolie really doesn’t need to sharpen her shank when she can easily cut a trick deep with her clavicle bone.
Brad Pitt made it perfectly clear that he’s not just going to hand over sole physical custody of the child army to Angelina Jolie when he filed his response to her divorce filing and asked for joint custody. Angie would rather eat an entire meal at Outback with Chelsea Handler while wearing a bright color than agree to joint custody. Because of his alleged plane freakout on Maddox Jolie-Pitt and other possible incidents, Angie doesn’t trust Brad around their 6 children. TMZ says that Angie only wants Brad to get monitored visitation and is preparing for battle. A source says it’s going to be “War of the Roses redux.” So that’s the cue for Brangelina’s minions to put mattresses under every chandelier in every one of their mansions.
Joe Jonas Was Seen “Kissing” Sansa Stark
The current #1 spot on the top of Ashley Greene’s shit list Joe Jonas might have a new special person in his life. And it looks like the lucky lady who gets to brush up against his thick n’ juicy brows as she goes in for a smooch is Sophie Turner, aka Sansa Stark from Game of Thrones.