Zendaya was cast as Mary Jane Watson in the eight-millionth Spider-Man movie, Spider-Man: Homecoming, and the Mary Jane Watson of the comic books is a redheaded white girl. The Mary Jane Watson of the first set of Spider-Man movies, played by Kirsten Dunst, was a redheaded white girl. They tried to work a redheaded white girl Mary Jane into the second of Spider-Man movie starring Andrew Garfield by putting Shailene Woodley in a red wig (her scenes were later cut). Die-hard superhero fans don’t exactly adapt very well when you try to change their things, so of course they lost their damn minds when Zendaya – not a redheaded white girl – was cast as Mary Jane opposite Tom Holland. Zendaya doesn’t care.

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As the KKK raised their torches of victory over their candidate of choice winning, and Chris Christie, the LeFou to Trump’s Gaston, pushed a wheelbarrow full of bricks to the American/Mexican border to begin building that wall, Hillary Clinton officially threw in the towel while wearing one of her favorite funeral goin’ pantsuits. Hillary didn’t speak at her depressing election night party at the Javits Center in NYC last night, because it was kind of hard for her to speak with her jaw being on the floor and everything. But she picked it up, got herself together, quickly re-worked her victory speech into an “awww shit” speech and delivered it in NYC today.

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And that’s what the back of his head looks like. Judging by that teaser shot, Johnny Depp’s character is someone who might show up on an Ancestry.com search made by Macklemore.

Last week we learned that Johnny Depp would be bringing his charismatic griminess to the sequel of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, which is a prequel to the Harry Potter films. Now we can stamp TRUE on the rumor that Johnny Depp would be playing Gellert Grindelwald, and that he’ll be playing opposite a young Albus Dumbledore.

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All it takes is about 0.6 seconds on Twitter to see that many weren’t feeling the fact that America elected a greasy crumpled paper cocktail napkin as President. But Lady Gaga took her upset feelings one step further than social media. Lady Gaga, who campaigned hard for Hillary Clinton, climbed on one of the dozens of sand-filled sanitation trucks that surrounded Trump Tower in NYC very early this morning and protested with a “Love trumps hate” sign. Gaga tweeted the picture above with the caption: “I want to live in a #CountryOfKindness where #LoveTrumpsHate.”

Damn, you’ve got to be feeling a whole lot of emotions to touch a sanitation truck. I don’t care if those trucks were hosed down with hot bleach first, there’s still a risk of the back of your hand feeling the slippery flutter of a used condom. And you know Gaga was serious about dealing with her feelings right that second, because she didn’t change into her Joanne uniform of ass-flappin’ cut-offs and titty bib first. Hell, she didn’t even go home and get that tired pink hat, and you know she doesn’t do anything without that hat.

Fear of being that close to trash aside, both literally and figuratively (see: location of the trucks), Lady Gaga did feel her feelings in one of the most suitable ways I can think of. That’s probably not the first time a New Yorker in a tube top has hung off a garbage truck at 2:30am shouting about how some asshole did her girlfriend wrong, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

Pic: @ladygaga

With 2016 being a never-ending violent diarrhea night terror, we all should’ve know it was saving this Defcon fuckery for its grand finale. (Although, we’ve still got around 2 months of this piece of trash year left…) Oh, 2016, you’re so cliché in your terribleness. I hit the snooze button so much this morning on my iPhone that I’m surprised Siri didn’t get pissed and scream, “Bitch, I’m sick of you poking at me, so just stay in bed, you lazy ass.” Every time my alarm went off, I hit snooze, looked at Twitter to see if maybe an oops was made and Jabba the Trump lost, and then I’d sigh and pull the sheets over my head again. But it’s real. And while the stocks dropped (for a minute) like my stomach when it was announced that Florida committed the ultimate act of Florida foolery by giving it to Trump, the makers of Xanax and Valium are probably going to have the best quarter ever. Congratulations to them!

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“It’s called reading darling. You know, just like you should of done with our prenup.” – nightflyer001

Upvote winner:

For anyone keeping score at home that’s one vote for Donald Trump and one write in for “help me” – BlairBear

(NOTE: It looks like Eric Trump learned from daddy.)

Pic: Getty