Sexy human cigarette (don’t judge me) Billy Bob Thornton recently reminded everyone that he’s still friendly with Angelina Jolie. He also moistened her ego a bit by saying he never felt “good enough” for her because she was such a saint. I figured that was Billy Bob’s way of dropping hints that he’s on Team Angelina in the dramatic divorce to end all dramatic celebrity divorces. But it sounds like that’s not the case at all.

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It feels like every other day there’s a GQ Men of the Year Awards somewhere and I wonder if the world would continue to spin if GQ suddenly stopped giving dumb awards to famous men. Probably not, so they should keep on, keep on and they did in Sydney today.

Australia has many homegrown dudes that GQ could’ve honored, like Roger the Buff Kangaroo, but they imported a few pieces of American dude meat instead. They brought in Jon Hamm, Chris Evans and Scott Eastwood, who wore sunglasses on the red carpet, because he wanted to remind us that he’s got boiling hot used douche water running through his veins.

I’ll take Jon Hamm in any form, but he sometimes looks uncomfortable in a tuxedo. It’s as if you made Fred Flintstone wear tight pants and a suffocating shirt instead of the usual loose-fitting animal-print shift dress he always wears. The Hammaconda on the other hand… It’s always been a refined gentlepeen and I’m sure that underneath those pants, it’s wearing a monocle, a bow tie, a top hat and is delicately sipping on a flute full of champagne. The Hammaconda should stay in Australia to teach etiquette and manners to those Melbourne Cup messes. Jon Hamm can still come back to the U.S. Yes, the Hammaconda can stretch that far.

And here’s more pictures from the GQ Men of the Year Awards including some of Jai Courtney and ex-rapper, alleged celebrity and living Mannequin Challenge Iggy Azalea.

Pics: Splash

Jay Z already has a pretty big pile of lawsuits sitting on his desk in his office at Tidal HQ. There are lawsuits from artists who claim they haven’t been paid by Tidal and a lawsuit that Jay Z was reportedly going to file against Tidal’s former owners. Now Page Six is saying that he’s in possession of a lawsuit from the late Prince’s estate for allegedly doing Prince dirty, business-wise, after his death.

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Even before the diarrhea-dipped clump of dick cheese won the presidency, several American celebrities prepared to slide the word “eh” into their daily vocabulary, because they vowed to run their asses off to Canada if he beat Hillary Clinton. But Corey Feldman is on the opposite side of that. Corey wants to stay in the country and he wants his Canadian piece/main angel to stay too. Corey is afraid that while rounding up Mexican immigrants, La Migra is going to pick up his girlfriend and slingshot her back to the land of authentic Swiss cuisine and Sandra Rinomato. So he put a ring on it.

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I hope Michelle Duggar hasn’t already put away her giant trash bag of special occasion Dixie Moments plates, because she’ll soon have another wedding to get ready for. A little less than two weeks after the latest Duggar daughter officially started her journey as an inevitable baby-making machine, 19-year-old Joy-Anna Duggar announced that she has begun the family pre-marriage tradition of “courting.”

People says that Joy-Anna introduced her future fiancé during the wedding special Counting On: Jinger’s Wedding on Tuesday night. 22-year-old Austin Forsyth asked Joy-Anna to go a-courtin’ on a rock they once hung out on with their friends. I believe that’s also how some lizards choose a mate? Joy-Anna and Austin say they’ve known each other for 15 years, which I guess is kind of cute if you’re the person who likes to picture a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old getting married one day.

Joy-Anna and Austin’s courtship will probably turn into an engagement soon-ish. Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar probably have some kind of creepy homemade clock that they set every time one of their spawn get courtin’ that counts down the minutes until their kid can have the ultimate threesome (husband, wife, and the Holy Spirit watching from a chair in the corner) and make the next generation of spawn. The only reason the Duggar daughters get married so fast after courting is because their fiancés can only stand so much of Michelle’s pull-string baby doll voice squeak out the words: “Tick tock, we want more grandchiiiiiildrennnn!”

Pic: DuggarFamily.com

If you’re a Walmart parking lot drug dealer in the Salt Lake City area,  a barefoot tornado of blond messiness may have tried to trade you a kid for a baggie of the bad shit last night. Because TMZ reports that Charlie Sheen’s ex and the mother of his 7-year-old twins, Bob and Max, caused a scene at a bar last night and they were all missing for a few hours.

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