I’m pretty sure if you were to write a handbook for human beings, the first page would be like: “Welcome! The holes on your face are for breathing, eating, or fun,” and the second page would be a giant warning that reads: “DO NOT FUCK WITH THE TAX MAN.” Because you absolutely should never, ever try to withhold a single penny from the IRS. Well, the executors in charge of the late Prince’s estate are likely crying at least a few dove-sized tears today, because the IRS has decided they weren’t doing the correct math when they calculated the value of Prince’s estate. And now the IRS wants the money they were missing.
Tomorrow marks the four year anniversary of Prince’s death. I’m pretty sure he’d be disappointed to know that the occasion is being marked by one of his former collaborators, Apollonia, publicly excoriating another former collaborator, Sheila E., on Facebook. I wonder which Prince GIF Prince would use to comment on Apollonia’s assertions that Sheila is a phony who’s desperately seeking relevancy by abusing her association with Prince now that he’s gone, despite the fact that he refused to talk to her the last five years of his life. There are so many to choose from!
41-year-old Kobe Bryant, his 13-year-old daughter Gianna were among the nine people who died yesterday when his private helicopter crashed in Calabasas CA. Of course this news was fast-spreading and people were getting so much shit wrong in the confusion, some even reporting more members of Kobe’s family died. One source of info which seemed to be on the mark facts-wise, was TMZ, who broke the story. They broke it so fast, in fact, that the police weren’t able to even notify Kobe’s family before TMZ could notify Twitter. And they’re pissed about it.
Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness became the Afterworld’s Sexiest Resident in April 2016, and at the next Grammys in 2017, they paid tribute to him with a performance from Bruno Mars and The Time. And at last night’s Grammy Awards, they paid tribute to him again, and while I think every Grammy Awards should have a Prince tribute, I wondered why exactly they were doing one. Turns out, it was an informercial to promote the Grammys tribute concert to Prince that will record tomorrow and air on CBS later this year. Usher is a part of the Grammys tribute concert, so he did the tribute last night, and I give that entire dull glitter mess of a performance 5 out of 5 Prince side-eyes:
And that bland tribute mostly got 5 side-eyes due to Sheila E getting pushed to the back, and FKA Twigs being used as a glorified Usher back-up dancer. And she claims it wasn’t her choice to not sing.
Donald Trump is most likely as dead on the outside as he is on the inside, but if he was able to feel things, he’d probably feel a stinging, but sexy, triple slap on the face after the ghost of Jehovah’s Sexiest Witness slapped that bitch down while sitting on the shoulders of an angel sitting on the shoulders of another angel for using Purple Rain again without permission.
While he was alive, Prince was highly protective of his music and would scratch at a fucker for doing the very un-sexy thing of infringing on his copyright. Prince’s Estate is honoring his tradition of spitting at pieces of thieving trash by shitting on the Trump campaign for playing Purple Rain at a rally in Prince’s homeland last night even though they said a year ago that they would never play that song again. I know, Trump lying about something. The spirit of Prince probably busted out the most sexiest faint after being overcome with the shock of it all.
Even though she only met him a handful of times, Sinead O’Connor and Prince will forever be intertwined thanks to Nothing Compares 2 U, the Prince penned song that made her famous. In 2014, Sinead told Esquire Magazine that one of the few times she met Prince, he tried to whoop her ass. Apparently, he “summoned” her in order to lecture her about her potty mouth, and things escalated after she told him to fuck off. Yesterday, Sinead repeated the story to Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain, adding that there were other women too, who had first hand experience with Prince’s petite fists of fury. How fucking dare she*!
*Talk to Piers Morgan