Hot Slut Of The Day!
Roger, the big, buff, ginger kangaroo who is always giving you “Pump You Up, Matey” realness.
The Daily Mail, the highly-esteemed literary journal where I get all my big, buff kangaroo news, tells me that two weeks ago, Dave, a 6’5″ fur-covered bag of pure muscles was seen hopping around an Australian neighborhood in the suburbs of Brisbane. Dave is like The Rock of kangaroos and is the sole reason why grass will soon be completely extinct in Brisbane. Bitch probably swallows an entire lawn as a snack. Well, Dave now has a little competition in the big, buff kangaroo department. The Daily Mail brings us Roger, the ginger Hulk-a-roo who lives at The Kangaroo Sanctuary Alice Springs in the Northern Territory of Australia.
Roger is the Kellan Lutz to Dave’s The Rock, because he’s not as big, but he still looks like he’s been cutting his grass with KGH (kangaroo growth hormone). 9 years ago, Roger’s mom died when he was just a joey and he was found lying in her pouch on the side of the road. (That sound you hear is the sound of gears in a Disney executive’s brain spinning.) Roger has lived at The Kangaroo Sanctuary ever since. Dave may have about 30 tons of muscle on Roger, but Roger is trained in paw-to-hand combat, can crush metal with his bare paws and can kick out the bowels of his opponent. (That sound you hear is the sound of gears in a UFC promoter’s brain spinning.)
When I first looked at pictures of Roger, I figured that Mariah Carey’s in-house Photoshop artiste was doing charity work for kangaroo sanctuaries in Australia. But the manager of The Kangaroo Sanctuary swears that the pictures are real and Roger really does look like a juicehead who never misses arm day, will one day get a tribal tattoo armband, rules the Vegas pool party scene and has the words “once hooked up with JWoww” in his Tinder profile.
Drake, who?
There’s also videos on YouTube of Roger in action. Here we were preparing for the cats to take over the world and enslave us all when it’s the buff kangaroos of Australia who will probably become our overlords one day soon.
Pics: Facebook (For Elizabeth)