Now For The Drama, Glamour, And WTF-ery Of The Oscars Red Carpet

Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.

If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my  plastic recyclables from my paper.

Continue reading

Two Trailers For “Solo: A Star Wars Story” Were Released

During yesterday’s National Sporting Event, a sneak peek of the teaser trailer for Solo: A Star Wars Story aired. So, basically a teaser trailer for a teaser trailer. Then the actual teaser trailer dropped today but it’s only slightly longer than the teaser, teaser trailer. Both the pre-teaser and the actual teaser show the big debut of Alden Ehrenreich as Han and Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian, but only one of them might be a terrible actor. Also in it are Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke) with bangs, Woody Harrelson with bangs and Chewbacca, also with bangs.

Continue reading

World-Famous Stoner Woody Harrelson Has Quit Smoking Weed

It truly is the end of times. The bible foresaw it!

Cheech and Chong 21:11 – And great earthquakes shall be in divers places, and famines, and pestilences; and fearful sights and Woody Harrelson shall quit the herb.

Legendary stoner Woody Harrelson, who once tried to open up a weed shop, has caused many stoners to smoke a bowl in his honor by announcing that he has broken up with the green. During an interview with Vulture to promote his new movie Wilson (which sadly isn’t a biopic pic about the ball from Cast Away), Woody said that it’s been almost 365 full days since the magical green cloud has entered his body. In possibly related news, the Taco Bell closest to Woody’s house closed down about a year ago due to lack of business.

Continue reading

Hawaii Won’t Let Woody Harrelson Open A Medical Marijuana Dispensary

What a shame; if anyone should be given the thumbs-up to sell weed in Hawaii, it’s the person in the picture above. Woody Harrelson, one of the very few people who is able to look stoned even when he might not be (that suit jacket is throwing me off), is apparently trying to open his medical marijuana dispensary in Hawaii. Unfortunately, he won’t be saying the words “Aloha and mahalo for choosing Woody’s for all your pakalolo needs” anytime soon.

Woody applied for a license early in 2016 on behalf of his company, Simple Organic Living LLC, after Hawaii created the Medical Marijuana Dispensary Program. Sadly, Reuters (via People) says that the Hawaii Department of Health denied Woody’s application on Friday. But Woody wasn’t the only one who was going home that night and smoking a cheer-up bowl; out of more than 60 applications, the state apparently only accepted 8. So, sorry, the 52+ other people. It looks like it’s back to Craigslist and the parking lot at Zippy’s for now.

There was no reason given for why Hawaii didn’t want Woody selling weed. Maybe the person in charge of approving applications thought it was Woody from Cheers who was applying, and they were afraid his slow ass would end up getting repeatedly hustled by Hawaiian high school stoners. Oh well. I’m sure that hasn’t derailed Woody’s dream of being the Newman’s Own of pot. What am I saying? Even if he woke up one morning and didn’t want to sell weed, I’m sure people would still approach him on the street with a handful of cash asking “So, how do we do this?” Like I mentioned above, Woody Harrelson was blessed with a face that says “Of course I can help you get some weed.”

Pic: Splash

It Was Really Nice Of Woody Harrelson To Dress Up For Work Today

Right now I’m wearing shorts, a t-shirt and flip-flops with socks (which I call the “Florida geisha” look). I look like trash but my outfit is black tie and tails compared to what Woody Harrelson wore to the Paris photo call for Hunger Games: La Révolte – Partie 2 today. Oh, the job of a famous multi-millionaire actor. This is one of the reasons why I side-eye a millionaire actor type when they go on and on about how hard their job is. Ho, please. They can show up to their job in their pajamas and everyone will call it quirky and cool. But if a regular showed up to their job in pajamas, they’d be called “mentally unstable” and security would escort them out of the building.

I don’t know if Woody Harrelson doesn’t give any fucks or gives too much fucks. He obviously knew he’d get all of the attention if he showed up dressed like you 10 minutes after getting home for work. Trick didn’t even wear shoes or slippers. You can’t go into many stores without shoes on, but Woody Harrelson’s special ass can show up to a work event without his hooves covered. You know, I would’ve loved this if he would’ve went all the way by accessorizing his eyeballs with bloodshot veins and decorated that shirt with Doritos crumbs. That would’ve truly made this look stoner chic.

And I guess today’s theme was “slumber party,” because Jennifer Lawrence wore old-timey sleeping clothes to the Hunger Games Paris premiere:

She looks like she should be holding a candelabra while slowly walking down the darkened hallway of a dilapidated mansion as she searches for the dark mysteries that live behind the walls. Bitch, you’re in the  Hunger Games, not Crimson Peak!

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash