Now For The Drama, Glamour, And WTF-ery Of The Oscars Red Carpet

March 5, 2018 / Posted by:

Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.

If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my  plastic recyclables from my paper.

Next up is Taraji P. Henson, who never fails to deliver on a red carpet. Every inch of Taraji is serving expert posing-for-the-cameras drama. I’m almost sure Taraji has her face set to STUN before the door of her limo opens. Taraji is wearing a Vera Wang dress, and you know you’re extra when you ask for a separate gown for your arm.

Normally this would be where I would place a pretend crown on Taraji’s head and declare her the queen of giving it to you on the runway, but….Andra Day showed up and did this:

There’s posing. And then there’s dropping to the floor in your Zac Posen dress (that he made with a comforter stolen off his mother’s guest bed) and giving a look that screams, “I don’t need a buff dude in a billowy unbuttoned white blouse, I am my own romance novel cover!

My very favorite look of the night has to be St. Vincent, who wore Saint Laurent. Laugh all you want, but this outfit is going to be a huge hit with the students of Miss Ennui’s Sullen Teen Goth Haunted Tap Dance Academy.

And here’s a whole lot of everyone else. Honorable mention goes to James Ivory who showed all the kids on Tumblr who’s the biggest Timothée Chalamet fan of all by wearing his face on his tuxedo shirt.


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