World-Famous Stoner Woody Harrelson Has Quit Smoking Weed

March 20, 2017 / Posted by:

It truly is the end of times. The bible foresaw it!

Cheech and Chong 21:11 – And great earthquakes shall be in divers places, and famines, and pestilences; and fearful sights and Woody Harrelson shall quit the herb.

Legendary stoner Woody Harrelson, who once tried to open up a weed shop, has caused many stoners to smoke a bowl in his honor by announcing that he has broken up with the green. During an interview with Vulture to promote his new movie Wilson (which sadly isn’t a biopic pic about the ball from Cast Away), Woody said that it’s been almost 365 full days since the magical green cloud has entered his body. In possibly related news, the Taco Bell closest to Woody’s house closed down about a year ago due to lack of business.

Woody made the declaration that shook every stoner when he was asked what the biggest misconception about him is.

They think I’m a party animal, which … I am a party animal. I mean, that might be one thing. But I am a party animal. But on the other hand, I haven’t … I’m now extremely moderate and … I actually stopped smoking pot almost a year ago.

55-year-old Woody said that 30 solid years of partying “too fucking hard” caught up with him and it was time to blow a weed-free goodbye air kiss to the good shit. Woody says that he still drinks every now and again, and he doesn’t have a problem with anybody else smoking weed, but it was just time for him to retire his bong.

The effect of it is euphoria. But when you’re doing it all the time, it just becomes … Well, you know. I feel like it was keeping me from being emotionally available. I really don’t want this interview to turn into a whole thing about that.

Woody says “keeping me from being emotionally available” like it’s a bad thing. That’s the sole reason why some of us smoke it up! But really, good for Woody and I just wish I was one of his friends so he could’ve given me his stash after he quit. You know his weed supply was so big he needed a semi trailer to move it all out of his house. And I could use some of Woody’s old weed now, because I just got the sad image of a stoned, wild, shirtless and sweaty Matthew McConaughey banging on his bongos while staring at the empty spot where his old partner in toking used to twirl and dance to the beat.

Pic: NBC

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