Yep, that’s Jersey girl Meryl Streep the moment she discovered she’s totally allowed to blaze in her home state. That’s right! New Jersey, Arizona, Montana, and South Dakota all voted to legalize recreational marijuana. They join twelve other states, including California, Colorado and Illinois. And all of Canada. New Jerseyites immediately hit Google to study up; searches of “how to roll a joint” rose 3,000% on election night. Ehh, it ain’t that hard. Easier than rollin’ a cannoli! Pause for laughs.
Every single member of the marijuana industry probably put their house on the market and Nair’d their hole in preparation for selling ass to pay their bills after reading this from Page Six:
But weed dealers can go ahead and take their house off the market and let their holes get hairy again, because it’s only been reported that Willie Nelson has stopped “smoking.” So that means Willie has probably replaced his in-house joint roller and bong packer (please tell me Willie had his own in-house joint roller like Snoop Dogg) with a Le Cordon Bleu-trained edibles chef. We can all breathe a marijuana-infused sigh of relief. Well, everyone except for Willie since his lungs have fucked with his toking.
It makes sense that out of all the gas station iced teas out there, Arizona would be the one to dip into weed. I mean, there’s no way that the Snapple Lady would let this happen. And Lipton and Pure Leaf are too square and basic to party like this. That leaves (or leafs, if you will) Arizona Iced Tea to pick up the weed flavored pieces.
It was a simple mistake, really. It could have happened to almost anyone. But it did happen to one Cassandra Walker, a Dairy Queen employee who was unjustly fired for creating that beautiful marijuana-themed birthday cake you see above. The thing is: it was supposed to be a Moana cake. Like the Disney movie about the Polynesian girl who saves the ocean? Easy mix-up.
Carl’s jr. is capitalizing on the national holiday of stoners (4/20) and creating a burger infused with CBD oil. It’s only happening at one Carl’s Jr in Denver (of course) and only for 4/20. I can’t decide if showing up at Carl’s Jr on 4/20 for a promotional weed burger is my seventh circle of hell or would be a fun afternoon. I’m sure it would be a combination of stoned teenagers, weed connoisseurs and a subset of people just trying to get a Carl’s jr burger who have no idea why everyone smells like a hemp factory and Bob Marley is vaguely playing the background.
Yes, read that headline again. If you’re high, read it a third time. This is the type of fuckery that takes place down in Port St. Lucie, FL where 23-year-old Andrew Anthony Gallagher decided that paying with cash is so 2018. He’s looking ahead to the new shit for 2019 and it involves using a different kind of green as currency; marijuana.