Category: #tooktwitter
Donald Trump Reportedly Asked Twitter To Remove A Mean Comment Chrissy Teigen Tweeted About Him In 2019
I don’t want you all making fun of me, but I logged onto Facebook this morning just to see my memories because that’s a fun little feature I enjoy. So I’m corny, OK. Sue me. But it says that six years ago, I tweeted “.@realDonaldTrump #pettiest. #president. #EVER.” That was 2017, so it’s pretty wild that yesterday, in front of members of the United States Congress, my eerily precinct tweet has been proven to be 100% accurate. Yet, Chrissy Teigen is the one whose 2019 tweet calling the president Donald Trump a “pussy ass bitch,” was read into the official congressional record. And she didn’t even tag his pussy ass! It should have been me, dammit!
Elon Musk Polled Users On If He Should Step Down As The Head Of Twitter With Unsurprising Results
Could it be that our internet-age Icarus has, at long last, flew too close to the sun? In this case, the sun being Dave Chappelle’s white-hot dragon breath? Because not only did Elon Musk get his ass torched by ten minutes of sustained booing, it looks like he’s had his eyelashes singed off too so now he looks even more like Dr. Evil dressed up as Pennywise the Clown for a costume party at Twitter HQ but is now standing outside in the rain arguing with the bouncer that he doesn’t need an invitation (it’s his party, dammit), before being led away by security, his comically large rubber shoes squeaking the entire time, much to the delight of the crowd of revelers who just unanimously voted that he should be 86’ed from Club Twitterverse for good.
Alyssa Milano Made Whoopi Goldberg Sigh On “The View” By Announcing She’s Sticking With Twitter
We can’t credit Alyssa Milano for the creation of the #MeToo movement but we can acknowledge that she was one of the first celebrities to inspire my usage of the hashtag #TookToTwitter, which, despite my considerable efforts over the years to make that a thing, continues to languish from disuse, forever criminally underused and hanging by a thread much like the fate of Twitter itself since Elon Musk took over (or #TookTwitter, for those keeping track) and fired all the adults. But ever since Alyssa got a little bit of credit for helping #MeToo spread like wildfire on Twitter back in the early days of our current end times, she’s used the platform as a virtual soapbox (yes, her avatar is STILL standing on a literal one, megaphone in hand) for her burgeoning career as a leftist rabble-rouser. And she’s not going down without a fight.
Twitter Is Running On The Fumes As Hundreds More Employees Jump Ship
Over the past few days, doom-scrolling Twitter has taken on an entirely new meaning. It’s actually kind of been fun, but then again, I have none of Elon Musk’s beluga-hued skin in the game. But according to Business Insider, the Titanic memes and hashtags like #RIPTwitter, #Twitteroff, and #Twittershutdown being gleefully shared probably hit differently for the hundreds of employees who Elon hadn’t already fired as they watch Twitter sink, circling the very drain that Elon walked in with just three weeks before. All the while, Elon’s been working “morning to night, seven days a week,” doing everything in his power to assure the few remaining employees who hadn’t already resigned after yesterday’s ultimatum deadline that they’re a big joke to him by posting dank memes, featuring himself, at their expense, and locking everybody out of their offices until Monday.
Elon Musk Tells Twitter Employees To Work 80-Hour Weeks And Took Away Their Free Lunch
I’ve been passively enjoying the implosion of Twitter as much as the next person but Elon Musk is really making it difficult for us to differentiate between which desperate, impulsive, and unhinged decisions are real, and which are parody. And not for lack of a consistent policy on Blue Checks. Not when Elon himself has changed his profile picture to one where he’s wearing the little Last Samurai costume he rented for Heidi Klum’s Halloween party. He couldn’t even buy a date, it’s so sad. Just a grown man with too much money playing dress up and doing power poses on the red carpet like an 8-year-old boy in his new Christmas Underoos. So how are we supposed to know if the same guy who’s telling his employees they need to work 80-hour weeks, go into the office, and have to bring their own lunch from now on, also tweeted, “Twitter feels incredibly alive,”? You guys, I think he thinks we think he’s cool. I’m crying.
Elon Musk Settles On $8 A Month For Twitter Blue
Tired of feeling insignificant, impotent, and, let’s be frank, ugly, but don’t have $44 billion dollars to throw around? No? How about $20? Surely you must have $20 laying around somewhere. Have you asked your mom? Maybe she could help. Still no?! Jesus, OK. How about $8? Because Elon Musk is really trying here. As it turns out, free speech ain’t free so Elon’s been trying to find a way to monetize it by selling blue checks as a perk for joining Twitter Blue, a subscription service that Elon seems to think will upend the “current lords and peasants system” by allowing everyone the opportunity to become an edgelord for just $8 dollars a month. And that’s his final offer! For less than the cost of a cup of coffee (was in the 80s), you can save yourself from the utter and complete humiliation of being the type of person who would spend $8 a month to share a blue check with intellectual luminaries such as Meghan Markle’s estranged sister Samantha Markle and The United States of America’s estranged former president Donald Trump. You see, Elon did happen to have $44 billion on hand, so he’s all set. But the rest of you uggos are really making things difficult for him.