Category: #tooktwitter
Elon Musk Stopped By Twitter HQ As Part Of His Crusade To “Help Humanity”
The ink isn’t even dry yet, and there are still a number of Is to dot and Ts to cross on Elon Musk’s purchase of Twitter, but he’s already thrilled and delighted his soon-to-be employees by instituting a new company tradition— Bring Your Sink To Work Day! According to the BBC, Elon still has until tomorrow to finalize his purchase, but he got a jump start on being the HNIC (what? head nerd/neanderthal, narcissist- take your pick!) by dropping by Twitter’s San Francisco headquarters carrying a porcelain sink. Seems random, I know, but Elon’s not your typical CEO! Elon’s got jokes, and while this gag appears to be solely in service of a very sweaty pun, he tweeted, “Entering HQ: let that sink in,” any employee who doesn’t want to count themselves among the reported 75% reduction in the workforce he has planned, better have laughed their fucking asses off. Those who either didn’t laugh or made themselves scarce when Elon arrived, better hope he says “psyche!” again by midnight tonight.
Twitter Has Sued Elon Musk In An Attempt To Force Him To Go Through With His Acquisition
Twitter is finally taking steps to rid itself of its troll problem. Well, not all the trolls obviously, some I imagine are useful for traffic, but the big ugly one that has been running around leaving poop emojis in their corporate offices must be stopped. As expected, after Elon Musk officially withdrew from his acquisition agreement to buy the company for $44 billion, Twitter has released an army of lawyers armed with big words highlighter pens and filed a lawsuit against Elon to “compel consummation of the merger,” in the hopes that he won’t shit where he eats, I guess. Jokes on them though since trolls as nasty as Elon will happily eat their own shit for lols, even if it costs them a $1 billion breakup fee.
Twitter Is Likely To Accept Elon Musk’s $43 Billion Offer To Buy The Company As Soon As Today (UPDATE: The Deal Is Done)
UPDATE: It’s official. The Twitter board has accepted Elon’s offer and Twitter is going to become a private company. All the details are here.
Bret Taylor, Twitter’s Independent Board Chair, said, “The Twitter Board conducted a thoughtful and comprehensive process to assess Elon’s proposal with a deliberate focus on value, certainty, and financing. The proposed transaction will deliver a substantial cash premium, and we believe it is the best path forward for Twitter’s stockholders.”
Parag Agrawal, Twitter’s CEO, said, “Twitter has a purpose and relevance that impacts the entire world. Deeply proud of our teams and inspired by the work that has never been more important.”
Here’s the original post:
Bro may at times live below the poverty line, but Elon Musk was able to move some money around and come up with $43 billion to buy Twitter. Maybe he took out a second mortgage on his couch, cashed out an IRA, and recommitted himself to eating nothing but peanut butter and Top Ramen for the next few years, but he’s done it. And according to Reuters, Elon’s “best and final” $43 billion offer is probably going to get the job done. Despite trying to hinder the deal with a so-called “poison pill,” Twitter “is poised to agree” to the sale which could be announced as soon as today. It’s a shame that Elon’s 7th child’s college fund is toast, but at least Exa Dark Sideræl Musk gets to play with Twitter’s ban button. Babies love buttons!
Twitter Shareholders Are Suing Elon Musk For Failing To Disclose His Share Purchases On Time
We recently learned that Elon Musk has amassed an over 9% stake in Twitter, making him the company’s largest single shareholder. A move he probably celebrated the cowboy way, by shooting his guns in the air and shouting “YÆÆ HÆ!” Problem is, in doing so, he might have inadvertently shot himself in the foot. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Elon is being sued in a class-action lawsuit filed by Twitter shareholders who accuse him of being late to notify financial regulators that he’d been busy gobbling up shares of the company, costing investors “significant profits when Twitter shares skyrocketed in light of the news.” Hope he was wearing boots or else the next new product from Tesla will be robot replacement toes. Because the last thing we need is for Elon to turn into the Six Million Dogecoin Man!