Category: Tom Cruise
Tom Cruise Made An Appearance At Yesterday’s Oscars Nominee Luncheon
Last year Tom Cruise jumped out of airplanes and took on a clandestine mission to become best friends with Queen Elizabeth before her passing, which simply proves he loves to live on THE EDGE! And one of the best ways to do that, especially as an actor, is to debut a brand new look that will make everyone wonder, “Hmmm, there’s something different about you. Are you on Ozempic?” This is what Page Six says happened to Tom Cruise at yesterday’s Oscar nominees luncheon, which he attended to support Top Gun: Maverick.
Scientology Leader David Miscavige Seems To Have Gone Missing As Lawyers Try To Serve Him With A Trafficking Lawsuit From Past Members
Where in the world is David Miscavige? The leader of the Church of Scientology is currently as hard to find as his wife, Shelly Miscavige. While Shelly has been alleged to be missing since August 2007, David is freshly MIA, and it seems there’s a good reason for him to hide. Lawyers are currently trying to serve the 62-year-old head bitch of Co$ with a lawsuit alleging that he was involved in child trafficking. Someone check Tom Cruise‘s COVID cruise ship that he rented–I’m sure David could hide there!
Here Are Some Of The Wet And Wild Looks From The 2023 Golden Globes Red Carpet
Did somebody say FASHUN?!? Well, say it louder next time, I don’t think the folks in the back heard you over the din of shitfaced celebrities using the Golden Globes’ phenomenal flame out last year as an excuse to load up on free champagne, talk shit, and network with fellow survivors of the Great Los Angeles Deluge of 2023. However, a few stars heard the call to bare arms (regretfully, ladies only. Where was Timothée Chalamet with his scrumptious little back meats!?) and used the opportunity to challenge their stylists to come up with a look that simultaneously screams “I’m the greatest star” and “I am being pranked by my stylist, aren’t I.” Meanwhile, the real jackasses pulling one over on these celebrities are the goon-squad of aestheticians going around convincing them to donate their precious buccal fat reserves “for charity.” Sad truth is that only a tiny portion of their donations actually make it to starving children in need. Sorry, Wednesday‘s Jenna Ortega, your generous donation is now just padding for some ghoul’s pocket. Also, I think your parachute got a little turned around. Must have been the wind.
Golden Globes Host Jerrod Carmichael Asked The Big Question Of The Night: Where Is Shelly?
Okay, well, the second big question of the night since the first was, “How much pandering can the Hollywood Foreign Press Association do to pull themselves out of the disastrous hole they dug for themselves?” The show’s host, comedian Jerrod Carmichael, addressed that shit in his opening monologue by bluntly saying, “I’m here because I’m Black.” That got big laughs. But later in the night, Jerrod brought out the three Golden Globes that Tom Cruise returned to sender because the Jesus of Scientology is way too good to be associated with such a shady and diabolical organization. Jerrod then dropped a “Where is Shelly?” joke, and some laughed and clapped, but others groaned or stayed uncomfortably quiet. The audience obviously got the memo that it’s now okay to laugh at what a mess the HFPA is, but there was no memo that it’s okay to laugh at Scientology disses. Stick to one cause, Jerrod!
Emily Blunt Says Tom Cruise Told Her To “Stop Being Such A Pussy” On The Set Of 2014’s “Edge Of Tomorrow”
Back in 2014, Emily Blunt co-starred in the sci-fi flick Edge of Tomorrow with Tom Cruise, the self-proclaimed Gene Kelly of action movies. The New York Post reports that, during a recent guest appearance on the SmartLess podcast (hosted by Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Will Arnett), 39-year-old Emily shares that, during filming, she freaked out about having to do stunts in her character’s 85-pound battle suit. She recalls crying and telling Tom that she wasn’t sure if she could get through the film shoot. His response surprised her. Lemme guess. He called Emily “glib,” busted out a travel-sized E-meter, audited her, slapped a “Clear” sticker on her forehead, and confiscated all her meds. Nope. Emily claims Tom told her to stop being “such a pussy.”
Apparently Tom Cruise and THE QUEEN Became Secrets Friends Before Her Passing
Tom Cruise, the King, Queen, Prince, Princess, Duke, Duchess, and (insert every other royal title here) of Scientology, apparently was “secret friends” with THE QUEEN of England before her death at 96 in September. Not only does he play a special agent with super stealth skills in the Mission: Impossible franchise, but apparently, he treats his special friendships with a lot of secrecy as well. Sources claim Tommy and THE QUEEN (not to be confused with Tommy and THE QUEEF, aka Tom Cruise and David Miscavige) became friends over the summer. Queen Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Philip, died last year, so shameless Tommy was probably trying to woo THE QUEEN into signing on to be his next wife!