Category: Prince Hot Ginge
Princess Beatrice’s Wedding Is Set For This May
When Princess Beatrice got engaged to her alleged cheating slut of a boyfriend, real estate mogul Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi, she probably thought she was going to get an extravagant Disney princess wedding like her sister Princess Eugenie did (complete with MILLIONS of adoring subjects). But then her father Prince Andrew’s name came up more and more as being a good friend to dead pedo Jeffrey Epstein and we heard more and more about how one of Epstein’s alleged sex trafficking victims Virginia Giuffre was forced to have sex with Prince Andrew. And Prince Andrew gave that interview that should be on Wikipedia’s list of history’s biggest disasters. That caused a wave of shit to knock away Bea’s dreams of waving from an opulent royal carriage at all the peasants who came out to see her (read: the tumbleweeds and crickets, no offense to tumbleweeds and crickets).
For a minute there, it looked like maybe that Edoardo dude would realize that the Royal Family step on the social ladder is half-broken and stepping on it will cause him to fall to the bottom, and he’d call off the wedding. But that didn’t happen, and now People has spit up the date for Bea and Edoardo’s date. .
Meghan Markle And Prince Harry Are Looking To Summer In Los Angeles
If you see a duchess wandering around the Warner Bros. lot this summer while practicing opening a Deal Or No Deal briefcase, your eyes won’t be deceiving you! It will probably be THEE Meghan Markle rehearsing her way back to financial independence – minus the fleet of taxpayer-funded security behind her. Prince Harry and Meghan are currently holed up in Canada, but sources say they could be spending the summer in L.A. – and Meghan is on the hunt for work.
Prince Hot Ginge Talks SUSSEXODUS, Saying It Has Brought Him Great Sadness And He Had No Choice
On Saturday, THE QUEEN decided to fuck up the weekend of every British tabloid editor by announcing some details in Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle’s exit from professional royal life. PHG and Meghan will no longer get money from the Sovereign Grant (but Prince Charles will continue to Venmo their allowance each month), they’ll have to pay back the renovations that were done at their home in England Frogmore Cottage, they’ll have to pay rent for Frogmore Cottage, and they will keep the HRH title but can’t use it. All of that will go into effect in Spring 2020 (and reportedly be up for review a year later). But in the meantime, it was business as usual for PHG and last night, he showed up to a dinner in London for his mental health and pediatric HIV charity Sentebale and spoke under an old set piece from Midsommar. Most of PHG’s speech was about him and Meghan sliding down the emergency exit slide out of the royal family. And as he did that, I’m sure the anti-Meghan conspiracy theorists watched his blinks to see if he was blinking “heeeeeeeelp me” in Morse code.
THE QUEEN Has Spoken: The SUSSEXODUS Deal Is (Almost) Done
Just ten days after Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Back To Plain Ole’ Meghan Markle made Prince Andrew’s life by taking all the spotlights off of him, Buckingham Palace has announced that the major details for them to no longer be “working” members of the royal family have been worked out. They are now many steps closer from going from living royal luxurious lives to living just regular luxurious lives. BP announced that they will no longer partake in royal duties, they will lose their HRH titles, they will no longer get money from the Sovereign Grant, and they have to repay all the renovations (reportedly around $3 million) that were made to their home Frogmore Cottage. Start trickin’, tricks!
THE QUEEN Will Let Prince Hot Ginge And Duchess Meghan Step Down From Being Full-Time Royals
THE QUEEN hosted the SUSSEXODUS summit at Sandringham Estate today to figure out what in the shit the royal family is going to do about Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan quitting as full-time royals to be bi-continent (I know that doesn’t totally work, but just give it to me, because I wanted to write that PHG is bi-something) and make their own money. I was hoping that THE QUEEN’s emergency meeting would be live-streamed and made up of her telling PHG that they’re going to settle everything with a dance-off, and yes, she’d win as soon as she dropped it low and twerked it on the throne. It wasn’t live-streamed, but THE QUEEN did put out a statement letting us know that she wishes “Harry and Meghan” would stay on as full-time royals, but she understands (uh huh) and already triple-slapped PHG down with her glove for making her do actual fucking work! No, she didn’t say that last line, but that probably happened.
Prince Hot Ginge Is Going To Get It From THE QUEEN For Announcing That He’s Quitting His Job As A Full-Time Royal!
In that picture from 2018, we all thought that Duchess Meghan was smiling at whatever was happening in front of her, but now we know she was smiling while thinking, “These royal hos have no idea that I’m going to pull a Yoko Ono on their asses!”
British tabloids editors who were still hungover and worn out from the holiday break got an electric jolt to the ass yesterday when Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan brought on SUSSEXODUS (copyright: Twitter), or Megxit, depending on what nickname you’re into (I prefer SUSSEXODUS since it sounds like the clothing-optional Caribbean resort that PHG will open now that he’s a part-time peasant). PHG and Meghan announced out of nowhere that they’re going to be part-time royals, and while their allegiance is to THE QUEEN, they want to do their own thing. Prince Hot Ginge (or should I just call him Hot Ginge now?) and Duchess Meghan’s announcement apparently made THE QUEEN spit out her gin, and anyone who causes her to waste gin is fucked! Well, anyone except for Prince Andrew. She’d just delicately pat Andy Boo Boo on the bald spot while telling him it’s all okay.