THE QUEEN Will Let Prince Hot Ginge And Duchess Meghan Step Down From Being Full-Time Royals
THE QUEEN hosted the SUSSEXODUS summit at Sandringham Estate today to figure out what in the shit the royal family is going to do about Prince Hot Ginge and Duchess Meghan quitting as full-time royals to be bi-continent (I know that doesn’t totally work, but just give it to me, because I wanted to write that PHG is bi-something) and make their own money. I was hoping that THE QUEEN’s emergency meeting would be live-streamed and made up of her telling PHG that they’re going to settle everything with a dance-off, and yes, she’d win as soon as she dropped it low and twerked it on the throne. It wasn’t live-streamed, but THE QUEEN did put out a statement letting us know that she wishes “Harry and Meghan” would stay on as full-time royals, but she understands (uh huh) and already triple-slapped PHG down with her glove for making her do actual fucking work! No, she didn’t say that last line, but that probably happened.
PHG, Prince William, and Prince Charles were all part of the meeting at Sandringham today. Meghan apparently called in from her second home of Canada where she is with Master Archie. THE QUEEN also confirmed that PHG and Meghan will live in Canada.
“Today my family had very constructive discussions on the future of my grandson and his family. My family and I are entirely supportive of Harry and Meghan’s desire to create a new life as a young family. Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working Members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family.
Harry and Meghan have made clear that they do not want to be reliant on public funds in their new lives. It has therefore been agreed that there will be a period of transition in which the Sussexes will spend time in Canada and the UK. These are complex matters for my family to resolve, and there is some more work to be done, but I have asked for final decisions to be reached in the coming days.”
Okay, yes, THE QUEEN called them “the Sussexes,” but does her calling them “Harry and Meghan” mean that she’s going to make them hand over their titles, crowns, royal sashes, and scepters, and I’ll have to call Prince Hot Ginge just Peasant Hot Ginge from now on?
Earlier today, PHG and William put out a joint statement where they took a royal shit (or in PHG’s case a half-royal shit) on the story from The Sunday Times that claimed William told friends that he’s sad and has put his arm around his brother for all their lives and can’t do that anymore. There was also a story in The Times saying that William “bullied” PHG and Meghan. They denied all that:
A joint statement from the spokespeople of Prince William and Prince Harry: pic.twitter.com/H8hqYCHirK
— Omid Scobie (@scobie) January 13, 2020
It hasn’t even been a week since PHG and Meghan brought on HAR-MEG-EDDON, and there’s approximately fifteen billion new stories about this unorganized wreck every single day (including the one about how Prince Hot Ginge became Pimp Hot Ginge by planting the seeds for Meghan’s voiceover job for charity with Disney). And there’s going to be even more stories now. So maybe this is all part of PHG and Meghan’s plan to takedown the British tabloids? I mean, tabloid editors probably haven’t slept since the announcement was made and they won’t sleep again until they are all forced to check into a rehab center to deal with “exhaustion” and overdosing on Harry and Meghan, causing the tabloid industry to collapse!
Or maybe Meghan just misses doing her greatest work, commercials for Reitmans, and wants to do that again and doesn’t care that she’s SINGLE-HANDEDLY bringing down the monarchy and milking Canadian taxpayers while doing so. Yeah, that must be it.
Pic: Wenn.com