Category: Prince Hot Ginge
Simon Rex Says He Was Offered $70,000 By A British Tabloid To Lie About Hooking Up With Meghan Markle
The name Simon Rex takes me back to a frustrating moment in the 90s when a teenage me learned that a hot new MTV VJ named Simon Rex did gay porn. So of course, me, being hard up for anything gay, used our dial-up (which was run by a sedated snail on a rusty treadmill) to download Simon Rex’s gay porn from Napster, or some shit. And I’m giving you a low estimate when I say that it took 80 hours to download a 45-second clip (and that’s partly thanks to my sister fucking shit up for me by constantly having to use the phone). When I finally opened up that clip, I dropped the lotion and waved my fist in the air while cursing the lie-telling evil pieces of trash who told me it was gay porn. It wasn’t gay porn! It was just jack off porn! Yes, I still fapped to it, but I fapped through angry gritted teeth.
Well, Simon Rex’s jack off porn past is back in the news again thanks to a story he told on a podcast called Hollywood Raw (which surprisingly isn’t a podcast devoted to porn starring celebrities). Simon claimed that one big British tabloid offered him a ton of money to lie and say he hooked up with Meghan Markle, and probably because that tabloid couldn’t wait to use the headline: Royal Blue Waffle! THE QUEEN Orders Meghan Markle’s Tramp Ass To Get An STD Test After Finding Out She Hooked Up With A Bareback Gay Porn Star!!!!
Prince Hot Ginge Supposedly Got Tricked By Pranksters Pretending To Be Greta Thunberg
I threw the word “supposedly” into that headline, because for all we know, The Sun could’ve hired a Prince Hot Ginge voice-alike for this stunt, and if that’s the case, please have that Prince Hot Ginge voice-alike call me. Just give me time to grab the gallon jug of lube and make some room on my credit card for the $3.99 a minute I’ll probably get charged.
The last time a royal-themed phone prank happened was in 2012 when two Australian radio hosts called King Edward VII Hospital, where Duchess Kate was laid up with pregnancy woes, and pretended to be THE QUEEN and Prince Charles in order to get through to Kate. The nurse who answered the call fell for the prank and transferred them to the nurse attending to Kate. The station aired the prank, and later, the nurse who answered the call tragically died by suicide. In other words, that royal phone prank did not end well. But two Russian pranksters still decided to bust out their own phone prank and put on their best Greta Thunberg and Greta Thunberg’s father voices to trick PHG, and they reportedly got through and talked to him. Will somebody please pay PHG and Meghan Markle another $1 million to speak at their event, because they obviously can’t afford to pay a phone screener and are getting Guy The Beagle to do the job (no offense to Guy The Beagle’s phone-screening skills).
Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Clocked Out On Their Final Event As Senior Royals
If you’re in London and happened to see a flame ball of tip-moistening hotness and a bowl of really fancy-looking spinach cartwheeling down the street, don’t worry, it was just Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle celebrating their almost freedom from being professional royals. Today, PHG and Meghan completed their last hard labor task of smiling and waving as a top tier royal, and can now devote all of their time to doing the hard labor task of collecting a mountain of money in exchange for saying words to a bunch of rich assholes at a bank event, and/or saying words in front of a camera. But of course, PHG and Meghan’s last royal job didn’t end without a bit of drama. At their final event today, everyone reached for a pashmina as their nipples got hard from the awkward coldness wafting off of Duchess Kate as she seemingly ignored The Suckits.
Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Are Back In London (For Now)
Duchess Camilla must be sleeping well this week because she’s been relieved of British tabloid punching bag duty – Meghan Markle is back in town! March 31st is Prince Harry and Meghan’s last day as seniors royals. But before they have to take “Royal” off all their social media and T-shirts they planned to hawk on Etsy, they have to finish up a few previously scheduled royal engagements. Harry has been in London already hyping up the Invictus Games and having four-hour heart-to-hearts with Grammy, er, THE QUEEN. But now Meghan is there to do one last whirl of smiles, nods and handshakes (OK, maybe not that…unless you’re Prince William) before she can steal Harry once and for all on the other side of the pond! Meanwhile, Archie is back in Canada. Continue reading
The Queen And Prince Harry Had A Heart-To-Heart
The clock is ticking for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to drop their royal duties to become movie stars and high-paid public speakers. But before they leave senior royal life, The Queen reportedly had a long-ass chit chat with Harry while he was in London for the Invictus Games. They reportedly made amends, but, nah, those freeloaders still can’t use “royal” for their branding.
THE QUEEN’s Eldest Grandchild Peter Phillips Is Getting A Divorce After 12 Years Of Marriage
Believe it or not, but THE QUEEN has other grandchildren besides Prince Hot Ginge and his brother (“And us! And us!“, squealed two ugly hats in a field of tumbleweeds). THE QUEEN’s eldest grandchild is Peter Phillips, the 42-year-old, no title-having son of Princess Anne and Captain Mark Phillips. And it has been announced that he and his wife of 12 years, 41-year-old Autumn Phillips, are getting a divorce. And Autumn is from Canada, so there was a rumor she was going to flee back to her homeland. But don’t worry Canada, you don’t have to worry about your land getting overrun by royals and their security paid for by you, because Autumn is staying in England.