Category: Prince Harry
The Cover, Title, And Release Date Of Prince Harry’s Memoir “Spare” Have Been Revealed
The Doomsday Clock (Big Ben, I assume) for the British Royal Family has been set to toll at the strike of midnight on January 10, 2023. For that is the day when Prince Harry’s memoir, confidently titled Spare, will be unleashed on the world and the secrets buried within those hallowed pages will spew forth and wreak havoc on Harry’s dad, King Charles III et al. melting their faces clean off their skulls like that poor unfortunate souls who dared look at the contents of the Ark of the Covenant in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Cause you know Chuckie Trips and his rag-tag crew of minimally employed relations are gonna peek. They won’t be able to help themselves!
Netflix May Delay Prince Harry And Meghan Markle’s Docuseries After Former British Prime Minister John Major Complained About “The Crown”
Another day, another appalled British dude who should be sending Netflix a lovely gift basket as a thank-you for casting a relative hottie to play them on The Crown, but is complaining instead. As we know, The Palace’s ass is already puckered over what might be depicted next season as The Crown catches up to more modern events. And now, with the premiere of season five fast approaching, former British PM Sir John Major (played by Jonny Lee Miller) has come out strongly against a plot point that he thinks is going to play out in an upcoming episode involving King Charles III, formerly known as Prince Charles (Dominic West), whining to him that his mom THE QUEEN (Imelda Staunton) won’t abdicate the throne to him. I’m like, Sir, get your priorities straight. Jonny Lee Miller has actual lips! I mean, they’re still British, but they’re there.
Meghan Markle And Prince Harry Are Reportedly Butting Heads With Netflix Over Cuts They Want To Make To Their Docuseries
Since America famously did an entire revolution so we wouldn’t have to concern ourselves with whatever it is King Charles III gets up to in his free time, it’s flummoxing to me that his son and his son’s wife, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, seem fixated on becoming the American Royalty they so obviously think we need, when we already have the Kardashians, the American Royalty we so obviously deserve. Our interest in The Sussexes is for entertainment purposes only, so if they’re not going to serve us up a heaping Hungry Man helping of revolutionary schadenfreude by reminding us why we bounced in the first place, then what use are they to us?
Sources Say King Charles III May Permanently Exile Prince Harry From England
Watch out Great Britain and its Commonwealth subsidiaries; there’s a new sheriff in town. And by sheriff, I of course mean unelected figurehead of an archaic, parasitic institution still perpetuating the myth of the divine right of kings. God’s newest special baby, King Charles III, ain’t your mum’s monarch. You won’t find old Chuckie Trips cooing at corgis and coddling his kids like his mother THE QUEEN. According to The Daily Beast, Chuckie Trips don’t play when it comes to his wayward son Prince Harry, and he’s about to get medieval on his ass. Or, more accurately, he’s reportedly prepared to go Prewar Era on Harry’s ass by having him “permanently exiled” from the kingdom, much like his great uncle King Edward VIII was after abdicating the throne in 1936. And Harry’s not the only Royal who might find themselves on the smooshy underside of Chuckie Trip’s iron fist. His brother Prince Andrew is reportedly stressed that Charles is going to kick him and his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson out of their 31-bedroom Royal Lodge house in Windsor now that mum isn’t around to shield him with her ample bosom. Damn, if I knew Charles was gonna be this ruthless, I wouldn’t have had all those ball caps made that read “Make The Crown That Bitch Again.”
THE QUEEN’S Corgis, Sandy And Muick, Were Brought Out To Watch Her Funeral Procession Arrive At Windsor Castle
Now that THE QUEEN’S farewell tour is over, body language experts and lip readers are probably soaking their overworked eyeballs in a Calgon bath right now after over a week of analyzing every teeny tiny move made by the Royal Family for any sign of drama. But before THE QUEEN arrived at her final resting place, King George VI memorial chapel, several of her beloved pets, including her last corgis, were brought out to say goodbye to her for one final time. And I don’t need to be a corgi body language expert to tell you that THE QUEEN’s last corgis, Sandy and Muick, were watching their human’s funeral procession while hoping that she’d jump out of her coffin, say, “PYSCH, I just wanted to fuck with Chuck,” before scooping them up and taking them far, far away from you know who.
King Charles III Faced A Leaky Pen As His Staff Are Facing Layoffs
THE QUEEN hasn’t even been laid to rest yet, but despite only having been king for less than a week, the Monarch Formerly Known as Prince Charles has already heralded in The British Royal Family’s flop age. Today, as THE QUEEN’s THE COFFIN made its procession through the streets of London to Westminster Hall followed by her children King Charles III, Prince Andrew, Princess Anne and Prince Edward, and her grandsons Prince William and Prince Harry, who managed to walk side-by-side without throwing elbows, The Guardian reports that “up to 100 employees at the King’s former official residence” were given “notice of their redundancy,” as King Chuckie Trips and Queen Consort Camila will be moving to Buckingham Palace. Which could prove disastrous from an optics standpoint given that Charles continues to have problems with unfamiliar office supplies and was nearly done in by a fancy fountain pen for a second time in this, the first week of the Carolean Age.