If the upcoming season of The Crown doesn’t feature a Royal Rumble-inspired scene where Prince William holds Prince Harry back while Prince Charles runs towards him for a dropkick to the chest I don’t want to see it. Because even though most of the show mixes fact and fiction I can only imagine how much that family wants to beat Harry’s ass for revealing all their family struggles during Harry and Meghan Markle‘s interview with Oprah earlier this year. Well, it ain’t over yet because Harry is preparing a new tell-all that’s set to bring even more drama to the Royal Family.
Page Six reports Harry has been secretly writing his upcoming scathing tell-all for almost a year, and I can’t help but picture him lying across his bed in a robe and fuzzy slippers writing “Dear Diary, Ugh….I hate my family”. However it started, Harry has almost finished the first draft and he’s set to release the memoir in the summer of 2022. But he wants everyone to know that the autobiographical fairy tale he’s about to unleash unto the world will be more focused on the man he is now.
“I’m writing this not as the prince I was born but as the man I have become,” Harry said in a statement after the news broke. “I’ve worn many hats over the years, both literally and figuratively, and my hope is that in telling my story— the highs and lows, the mistakes, the lessons learned — I can help show that no matter where we come from, we have more in common than we think.”
Don’t let that last statement fool you because it’s not like he decided to write this memoir for free. Page Six also reports that the memoir, written with assistance from Pulitzer prize-winning ghostwriter J.R. Moehringer, has already been sold to Penguin Random House and Harry is getting $20 million. That’s a hell of a payday for someone willing to talk shit about their family once again. But Harry will give all proceeds from sales of the book to charity.
While the renegade royal said Monday he will be donating all the proceeds to charity, it’s yet to be made clear whether he will keep the multimillion advance — believed to be at least $20 million, according to publishing insiders.
This time around, it’s alleged that Harry will go into further details about Megxit, how his mother Princess Diana‘s death affected him and the strained relationship he has with his father Prince Charles. And although he’s vowed to donate all of the book’s proceeds to charity it’s not clear if he’s keeping the advance for himself. My guess would be yes because I’m sure Meghan has already tucked that check deep down into her bra for safekeeping. Meanwhile, over at the House of The Undying (aka Buckingham Palace) they are all SHOOK! They’re still recovering from Harry and Meghan’s Oprah interview and the death of patriarch Prince Philip. And according to Us Weekly, none of them are ready for another round of H-Bomb’s from those damn Sussexes.
“The royal family is shaken up about the book,” a source tells Us Weekly exclusively, noting that Prince Charles and Prince William are “particularly concerned about what Harry will reveal” after the 36-year-old prince’s recent streak of criticisms, which were “bad enough” already.
The insider adds, “They haven’t received a copy yet and don’t know what to expect. It’s making them nervous.”
Royal Insider my ass. That wasn’t anyone but Kate Middleton speaking directly with an interviewer in a low voice over the phone moments before Queen Elizabeth kicked in the door waving her favorite memaw-beating belt while Prince William screams “Let’s get ready to rummmblleeeee“.