Category: Prince Charles
Prince Charles Got Coronavirus
“You bloody motherfuckers, this is not the crown I wanted,” screamed Prince Charles to the sky.
Clarence House announced that the 71-year-old professional handshaker caught the current worst downside of the job: coronavirus. But they say he’s only got minor symptoms and is doing okay overall. 72-year-old Duchess Camilla tested negative, and they’re isolating from each other, so their usual game of Hide The Kotex is on hold for now.
Prince Hot Ginge And Meghan Markle Clocked Out On Their Final Event As Senior Royals
If you’re in London and happened to see a flame ball of tip-moistening hotness and a bowl of really fancy-looking spinach cartwheeling down the street, don’t worry, it was just Prince Hot Ginge and Meghan Markle celebrating their almost freedom from being professional royals. Today, PHG and Meghan completed their last hard labor task of smiling and waving as a top tier royal, and can now devote all of their time to doing the hard labor task of collecting a mountain of money in exchange for saying words to a bunch of rich assholes at a bank event, and/or saying words in front of a camera. But of course, PHG and Meghan’s last royal job didn’t end without a bit of drama. At their final event today, everyone reached for a pashmina as their nipples got hard from the awkward coldness wafting off of Duchess Kate as she seemingly ignored The Suckits.
None Of The Senior Royals Attended Prince Andrew’s 60th Birthday Party
According to The Daily Mail, Prince Andrew celebrated his 60th birthday with a scaled down intimate family gathering instead of the “lavish bash” (via New York Post) his mother The Queen had previously planned for him. It was so intimate in fact, that his own siblings, Prince Charles, Princess Anne and Prince Edward, were not in attendance. Instead, it was just Andrew and mumsy sitting criss-cross applesauce on the dining room table with a sad Tesco birthday cake between them like Sam and Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles. Oh, and Formula One racing billionaire Bernie Ecclestone was also there. Plus a few others. But just like 50 people including China’s UK ambassador Liu Xiaoming and “racing heir” Guy Sangster and his wife Fiona. Fun fact: Andrew partied with Guy and Fiona at Tramp nightclub “just 72 hours” after he, allegedly, profusely sweated upon Virginia Giuffre at the very same club!
Prince Charles Named Katy Perry An Ambassador Of British Asian Trust
Katy Perry did geisha cosplay once. She posed next to a boy in a Katy’s Fries costume for a Vogue India spread. And her soon-to-be-second husband is British (AND voices Prince Hot Ginge in Gary Janetti’s Prince George cartoon for HBO Max). So that makes her a bona fide Brit and a person of several Asian descents. Whether or not you TRUST her, I’ll leave that up to you. But besides the trust part, Katy is the perfect ambassador for the British Asian Trust since she’s British and Asian. Insert obligatory “ScarJo is livid” joke here.
“We Need To Talk About Andrew” Starring Prince Charles And The Queen
Prince Andrew farted up a real black cloud over the royal family thanks to the disgusting “friends with a convicted pedophile who allegedly forced an underage girl to have sex with him“ situation. It’s made Andy have to step down from working royal life. It’s thrown a wrench in his daughter’s wedding (THE HORROR!). And it’s caused him to get into a he said/they said mess with the FBI. Because of all of this, Prince Charles and The Queen herself have met at Sandringham to discuss his fate. Guillotine! Just kidding. Unless Guillotine is the name of a fancy bistro that Andy and mum can have a laugh in while sipping on gin after church.
Prince Charles Appeared To Snub Mike Pence At A Holocaust Event In Jerusalem
Yesterday, Prince Charles made headlines for flying private to the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, to lecture people on climate change. And Charles is in the news again today for appearing to snub Mike Pence, Vice President of The Keebler Commission on Whoopsy Fudge Stripes, and in his spare time, The United States of America. Maybe Prince Harry called in a favor with pops to take some of the heat off of him and Meghan Markle, because we haven’t seen Prince Charles in the news this much since Tampongate.