Category: Open Post
Open Post: Hosted By The Return Of Gordon Ramsay’s “Kitchen Nightmares”
Restaurant owners across America are stress-smoking cigs as we speak because culinary terrorizer Gordon Ramsay will return for another round of Kitchen Nightmares on Fox. This is good news for minimum-age-earning line cooks who really want to feel worthless while getting screamed at by Gordon Ramsay. Although, they could scream back at him, “Instead of yelling at me, try to work on your dismal Kitchen Nightmares success rate of only 16%.”
Open Post: Hosted By Martha Stewart On The Cover Of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition
Back in 2020, Martha Stewart went viral when she posted a pouty pool thirst trap to her Instagram. Last month, she teased that more sexy pics were on the way. Turns out, she wasn’t kidding. Martha Stewart horndogs rejoice, for today is the day your goddess appears on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition! At age 81, she’s the magazine’s oldest cover model in history. And if you’re thinking, “Where’s the pool?? Where’s the pout?” don’t you worry. There are plenty of wet n’ wild poots in the full photoshoot…
Open Post: Hosted By Sweden Winning The Eurovision
Every year, our European friends come together as a community, find their best (or hottest) singer, and put them in their most sparkly outfit on the most pyrotechnic-ed stage, and have all of Europe judge who has the catchiest and most fuckery-filled song. Whoever wins is allowed to run the EU for a year. This process was decided during the Paris Peace Conference. Last night, Europe underwent its annual grueling 4-hour song contest, and SPOILER ALERT Sweden’s Loreen and her abs took home the iconic glass microphone!
Open Post: Hosted By The Existence Of Velveeta Chocolate Truffles
Two of the greatest joys in life are 1) eating chocolate and 2) eating cheese. The pleasure one derives when biting into a decadent yet creamy piece of chocolate or cramming a triple-cheese pizza into your mouth cannot be compared. Knowing this simple fact of life, gourmet chocolate company Compartés decided to use this knowledge for evil and create an unholy combination: the TruffVel. And it’s just in time for Mother’s Day (if you hate your mom)!
Open Post: Hosted By A Kansas Man Dressed As A Can Of Bud Light Getting Arrested For DUI
Bud Light spent some time in the news recently when outrage and boycotts ensued after they dared to enter into a partnership with trans influencer, Dylan Mulvaney, when it seems that a large percentage of their customer base happens to be transphobic human sludge. And the company probably isn’t thrilled that they’re making news again; this time because of a Facebook post a Kansas sheriff’s office shared after they arrested a surprisingly-not-from-Florida-man for driving under the influence who also happened to be dressed as a Bud Light beer can.
Open Post: Hosted By The News That A “Freaky Friday” Sequel Is Officially In The Works
Last year, while Jamie Lee Curtis prepared to bring Angela Bassett to tears at the Oscars and Lindsay Lohan hoped for a lucrative payday in 2023, it was announced they both would be open to a Freaky Friday sequel. Why? I have no idea, but since Disney knows how to get a bag, this sequel is happening. And just in case you’re thinking they may scrap this idea once they realize we’ve already seen this movie just know it is officially in production and coming to our screens very soon.