The Bearded Golden Angels Rejoice! Conchita Wurst Won Eurovision

May 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Michael Sam became the first openly gay player in the NFL and Conchita Wurst, the glamorous Austrian Jesus in a gorgeous beaded sausage casing, won Eurovision. The only way this weekend could get any better is if an Anderson Cooper Real Doll dropped on my front doorstep and it’s announced that Milk from RuPaul’s Drag Race is going to play Bea Arthur in a biopic for HBO.

Conchita Wurst, the bearded drag queen goddess persona of 25-year-old Thomas Neuwirth, beat all of the other European in the rhinestone-embedded glamorous version of The Hunger Games called Eurovision! Conchita and her song “Rise Like A Phoenix” beat Russia (who got earfuls of boos) and the Ukraine by getting 290 points. The Netherlands got second and Sweden got third. The gold glitter falling from the skies is from the most glamorous angels in heaven jizzing over the news that Conchita Wurst has been crowned the Queen of Europe. Here’s Conchita after winning. All hail Conchita!

Dear Austria, can we trade you a Conchita for a Kardashian?

And here’s syphilis in a beard Russell Brand paying tribute to Conchita on Twitter last night:


Russell Brand tried it, but this is more “unshaven Kim Kardashian at 5 o’clock” than Conchita Wurst.

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