Cameron Diaz Explained The Concept Of Twins And Why She’s Not Attracted To Her Husband Benji Madden’s Twin Brother
Cameron Diaz retired from acting and found peace several years ago after bowing out of the business with a very memorable performance (and not in a good way) as Miss Hannigan in 2014’s Annie remake which still haunts my nightmares. Since her exit from acting, Cameron has been focused on chilling, selling wine, and taking care of Raddix, the 1-year-old daughter she shares with her husband Benji Madden. Entertainment Tonight says that Cameron was on Anna Faris‘ Unqualified podcast and spoke about her life and husband. And Cameron explained that even though her husband is a twin and she met his brother, Joel Madden, first–she had zero attraction to Joel and the brothers are completely different people because, in case you didn’t know, twins are not the same person. Unless you’re talking about Hallie Parker and Annie James–those manipulative bitches are both Lindsay Lohan.
Ahhh, Old Hollywood. The scandals, the style, the starlets! I am, of course, talking about the mid-aughts, a very, very good time for show business – both of Britney’s marriages, the end of the original Bennifer, the rise of TomKat, Ashlee Simpson’s lip-sync jig on SNL, everything Lindsay Lohan, and the continued reign of Paris Hilton (ft. Nicole Richie). Little did we know what was stirring in the deepest, darkest recesses of Calabasas. A powerful, starving force had awakened, attracted by the bright lights of the paparazzi and the tacky fashions of the red carpet. “Me, me, meeee,” the beast growled, “Why not meeee?” Then, in 2007, the beast emerged; Kim Kardashian’s sex tape was released, and Keeping Up with the Kardashians promptly hit the airwaves.
Legend has it that it was Paris herself who helped crown her successor; she hired a then-unknown Kim to organize her closet. And now Kim’s sister, Khloe Kardashian, has let everyone know again that she briefly worked as Nicole Richie’s assistant. Sigh. The takeover was inevitable.
Well, MTV has done it! They’ve shown that you can put on a star-studded spectacle in the middle of a global pandemic and proved beyond a doubt that it’s a very dumb idea. MTV dared to do what the other girls wouldn’t and risked everybody’s health by inviting confirmed disease vector Doja Cat (who really should have that glowing fish whistle looked at) and others to walk a virtual red carpet set up for last night’s MTV VMAs. Was it worth it? Well, let me put it this way. No.
Unbeknownst to me, Nicole Richie not only has a sideline rap career, but she’s also got an entirely separate musical persona (like Garth Brooks and Chris Gaines, only…better?). I guess the name “Nicole Richie” has a lot of prestige behind it and she didn’t want to tarnish her reputation in case audiences failed to connect with her new musical venture. If you’re interested in hearing what Nicole Richie has to say about the environment, set to thumping trap beats, keep on, keep on.
I like to think this is what it looks like when Nicole Richie discovers a new tattoo on Joel Madden that she hasn’t seen before. “Oh good lord…is that a death metal Hello Kitty smoking a crack pipe while riding a flying turkey sandwich behind your ear? You know what? I don’t need to hear the story behind that one.”
According to In Touch, the more tolerable half of The Simple Life won’t be staring at the random stickerbook-looking tattoos of Hot Topic’s Peter Pan much longer. A “source” says that Nicole is thinking about ending her 4 year marriage to Joel Madden and has recently met with a divorce attorney. The source goes on to say that they’re starting to spend more and more time apart because they can’t stop fighting about work and how to raise their two kids, 7-year-old Harlow and 5-year-old Sparrow.
“It’s better for everyone right now if they just stay apart because it’s really not working anymore. It’s very obvious to friends that a divorce announcement will probably be happening soon.”
I’m not sure where Joel is staying during all of this, but it’s probably not at his twin brother Benji’s house. Star says things aren’t so great between Benji and his wife of 8 months Cameron Diaz either, which means shit is probably awkward as hell for house guests.
Since Nicole Richie is a low-level member of Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goopy Rich Girl Gang, I’m kind of shocked she went to a divorce attorney instead of a conscious uncoupling mediator. “I suppose you also stopped using the diamond-filtered alkalinity water press I gave you” thought Gwyneth, as she wrote Nicole’s name just underneath Madonna’s on her loyalty ranking list.
Here’s Nicole looking like one of The Pink Panther’s used Q-tips a FIT fashion show in NYC yesterday:
Pics: Wenn.com, Splash
Well look who we have here, it’s the seven basic bitches: Skinny, Boozy, Aussie, Goopy, Cougary, Bleachy, and McCartney (you know you’re the definition of basic when your nickname is just your last name).
On Friday night, struggling single mother Gwyneth Paltrow treated herself to a night out with her girlfriends at vegan restaurant Crossroads (once again, I feel the need to mention that it is tragically NOT a Crossroads-themed restaurant). Since it’s scientifically impossible to have a group of seven women get together for a girl’s night without taking a picture of it as proof (try it – I promise you it’s impossible), Gwyneth made sure not to leave without uploading a selfie to Instagram of herself, Nicole Richie, Chelsea Handler, Naomi Watts, Sam Taylor-Wood, Gwen Stefani, and Stella McCartney. Hold on a second, Nicole Richie? Color me a Simple Life-shade of confused. When did they become friends? OH MY GOD, WHO CARES. This group of women is the visual form of chasing 2 Ambien with a mug of Sleepytime tea.
Even though I normally cackle with delight in watching Gwyneth Paltrow try to do normal people things (divorces, hot dogs, etc) I actually really like this picture. I know, book me a room at Calmwood. Whatever filter (or lack of filter) Gwyneth used makes it look like the picture was taken during the middle of a seance held at Castle Goopskull using a broken Polaroid i-Zone, and Gwen Stefani is the first poor soul to be possessed by the malevolent spirit they summoned from hell. It’s like Paranormal Activity 4: Snobby Rich Ladies. It’s terrifying. I love it.