A couple years ago Cameron Diaz announced that she had retired from acting. Her last gig was as Miss Hannigan in 2014’s abysmal Annie remake, a performance that caused Carol Burnett to roll over in her grave (and the woman isn’t even dead yet!). Since then, Cammie D married one of the Good Charlotte twins (allegedly Benji Madden, but who knows, her and sister-in-law Nicole Richie could be swapping on the reg), had a baby daughter, callously named her Raddix Chloe Wildflower Madden, and declared she was getting into the wellness business.
Recently 47-year-old Cameron launched a “clean”, chemical-free wine line called Avaline (um, that’s a far better name than Raddix), and went on Gwyneth Paltrow’s digital series “In Goop Health: The Sessions” to promote it. The two friends chatted about motherhood, marriage, and being a “manifester”. For all I know, they also talked about who killed Jeffrey Epstein, but I couldn’t watch more than ten seconds of that rich-wellness-lady-spiritual-journey mumbo jumbo without my morning bowl of Honey Bunches of Oats creeping its way back up my throat.
Yes, Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden’s newborn daughter’s full name is Raddix Chloe Wildflower Madden. That’s some parental abuse right there! To their sadness, Raddix Wildflower will probably become a super-uptight CEO type with a lot of pencil skirts and shoulder-pads and actively hate her parents for putting that albatross around her neck.
Back in August, Cameron Diaz teased that she was looking into getting into the “wellness” business and cited Goop and her sister-in-law Nicole Richie’s House of Harlow as inspiration. Well, it looks like Cameron’s new project might very well be baby forward because she and husband Benji Madden just announced the birth of a little baby girl with the ridiculous name of Raddix Madden. You know, so they can call her Rad. Pink is livid she didn’t think of that one first!
Cameron Diaz has been out of the game for a while now. In fact her last movie was way back in 2014–her last credit seems to be the reboot of Annie… Which is like, what a way to go out, eh, Cameron?
Well, she’s back, but not in any kind of acting capacity–she’s back in an interview capacity. She talked to InStyle about how she is no longer acting and loves not having to talk to people anymore about acting and can focus on all the other stuff in her life. But that stuff is a secret so she’s telling InStyle how she can’t tell them about it. Get it? But she did tease us, if you think “tease” means ‘basically telling you’–as Cameron let us know that she’s got her eye on the “wellness” market and is thinking of tearing a page out of her pal Gwyneth Paltrow‘s very organized, overpriced book. Is there a Cameron Diaz Goop on the horizon? Probably.
Seven weeks after he made it legal with legendary dick hunter and Razzie award-winning actress Cameron Diaz (which, to be honest, is probably six weeks longer than Cammy’s hungry coochie expected this shit to last), Benji Madden went and paid tribute to the current love of his life and partner in questionable decisions by getting her name tattooed across his chest. I’m not familiar with tattoo terminology, but is this what’s known in the body mod biz as a “future cover-up”?
Benji “Not The Cute Dog Benji” Madden posted a picture of his new Cameron chest tattoo to Instagram yesterday with the caption: “Thinking bout you❤️❤️❤️ #LuckyMan“, and he didn’t specify who that ‘you’ he was thinking bout, but I’m going to go out on a limb and assume he was referring to Cameron Diaz. Or maybe it had nothing to do with that tattoo? Maybe it was actually a message to the pirate dentist who did his gold tooth. “Thinking bout you, Scurvy St. Rum-Swiller, DDS – xo #Y’arrr”
Obviously, a famous trick getting another famous trick’s name tattooed on their body is pretty much a guaranteed way for two famous tricks to jinx the hell out of their relationship, but at least Cameron is a generic enough name that he won’t feel too badly when they eventually break up. There are so many options! He could tell people it’s in honor of Cameron Frye from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off or he could change the E to an apostrophe and say it’s because he’s a huge Cam’ron fan.
Or he could throw in an extra couple of Os, turn it into Cameroooooon, and pay tribute to drag superstar BeBe Zahara Benet. That’s what I’d do.
(via Benji Madden)
Well, it really happened. Our slut sensei (slutsei?) and peen-chasing idol, Cameron Diaz, is officially out of the game and has hung her vagina up on Benji Madden’s dick for now. Cameron had a legendary run and she did us mega sluts proud, but I guess there comes a time in every slut’s life when they have to let their fuck parts breathe a bit and settle down. This is why I weep. Leonardo DiCaprio better not even think of settling down, because he’s the slut hero we need now more than ever!
Earlier when Allison wrote about how florists and shit were setting up at Cameron’s house in Beverly Hills, I thought that maybe just maybe she would realize that there’s more peen in the sea, get cold
feet cooch and pull a Runaway Bride. But that didn’t happen. Cameron really did get married to the dude who wet humped on Parasite Hilton regularly. Benji and Cameron have been doing each other full-time since May and they got engaged 2 seconds ago. They gave this statement to People:
“We couldn’t be happier to begin our new journey together surrounded by our closest family and friends.”
Begin our new journey together?! What kind of lovey-dovey shit?
UsWeekly says that Cameron’s bridesmaids were Drew Barrymore, her new sister-in-law Nicole Richie, her assistant and her sister Chimène. (Side note: Cameron may be the richest Diaz sister, but Chimène is the Diaz sister with the hottest first name.) Benji and Cameron’s guests included Goopy Paltrow, Samantha Ronson, Robin Antin, Reese Witherspoon and a bunch of other rich Hollywood types who can party hard on a Monday night without worrying about calling in sick to their job the next day.
Congratulations to Cameron and Benji. And congratulations to psychology students specializing in dickmatization. They now have a case to write their thesis about.