Category: Jake Gyllenhaal
Jason Momoa Gets Into The Bathing Debate And Lets Everyone Know That He Showers
Time for another episode of DO! THEY! SHOWERRRRRRRR! Thanks to the attention-seeking antics of Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell, Ashton Kutcher, and Mila Kunis, celebrities have managed to snatch a free fifteen seconds of attention by discussing their bathing habits. Dax had Mila and Ashton on his podcast, Armchair Expert, and they talked about not fully washing themselves or their children every day. Then Kristen and Dax were on The View, and since over-sharing is their brand, they continued the snowball effect by talking about how they wait until their kids smell to bathe them.
Then Jake Gyllenhaal ruined my day by revealing he was Team Stanky Perineum and also took bathing as a light suggestion. Thankfully hotties like Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans made clear they in fact did shower. Add another to Team Bathing Beauties because Jason Momoa has entered the chat. Aquaman himself said that of course he showers–he’s the hero of the water!
The Rock Would Like You To Know That He Isn’t One Of Those Celebrities Who Don’t Shower That Much
I don’t know how in armpit jelly HELL we got here, but here we are again. Actually, I do know how we got here. We owe it all to Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher. Here I was thinking that the worst thing they contributed to society was their ear-and-nerves-destroying Cheetos commercial, but no! Mila and Ashton got the stank ball rolling by admitting that they don’t really lather up their bodies regularly and instead give themselves a whore bath. Then we heard from other celebrities who said that they don’t shower that much either. But Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has popped up to say that the answer to the question, “Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?”, isn’t, “Yup, smells like aged crotch cheese and hot onions.” Because The Rock says he bathes daily. In fact, he bathes three times a day. Yup, these celebrities either shower too little or too much. Can they do anything right?!
Jake Gyllenhaal Doesn’t Really Bathe All That Often Either
For some reason which is absolutely, thoroughly, and completely beyond my comprehension, several celebrities have let us know that despite having luxurious showers and bathtubs, they don’t like to use ’em. Unclear why, but Dax Shepard, Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis, and Ashton Kutcher all revealed some interesting bathing habits which would certainly have not flown in my house as a child, but I’m not these people’s parents. Well, add another to the list–Jake Gyllenhaal said he’s on Team Less Showers and takes a more relaxed approach to bathing.
BREAKING PEEN NEWS: Jake Gyllenhaal Says That Amy Schumer’s Husband Is Uncut
According to the Internets, 64% of males born in 1980 were circumcised. Jake Gyllenhaal was born in 1980. Jake Gyllenhaal is also Jewish on his mother’s side. So, odds were, the boy was snipped. But we could never know for sure. Until now. By George, he’s cut and we learned highly important news this thanks to Jake himself.
This vital information was dropped on Amy Schumer’s new HBO Max documentary “Expecting Amy”, which follows her difficult pregnancy. In between clips of Amy puking her guts out from hyperemesis, there was footage of her wedding with chef Chris Fischer. Apparently Jake was childhood friends with Chris, and he and their two other buds spilled the tallywacker tea during their wedding toast.
Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal’s Quarantine Love Song
Beyond being a sourdough daddy, some of you might not know that Jake Gyllenhaal is a multi-faceted Broadway queen at heart. And he’s here to serenade you with a love song during the time of corona while looking positively coquettish with those locks behind his ears. He’s looking like flirty Jesus in prison.
The Live Stream Of Stephen Sondheim’s 90th Birthday Celebration Concert Was Extra Dramatic Due To Technical Difficulties
Last night’s live stream broadcast of Broadway.com’s Take Me to the World: A Sondheim 90th Birthday Celebration gave all the Anne Hathaway types their lives, but it also shaved precious minutes off said lives due to a harrowing period of technical difficulties which can be summed up by the face host Raúl Esparza is making above. If the show hadn’t ultimately given us the cultural high watermark of Christine Baranski, Meryl Streep, and Audra McDonald in their bathrobes getting litty 2 titty while singing The Ladies Who Zoom, I mean Lunch, it might have been a complete disaster.