Category: Jake Gyllenhaal
Taron Egerton Is In Talks To Play Seymour In A Movie Remake Of “Little Shop Of Horrors”
Rick Moranis starred opposite Ellen Greene in the 1986 movie adaptation of the 1982 Off-Broadway musical Little Shop Of Horrors which was based on the 1960 non-musical movie. Rick played Seymour Krelborn, a bespectacled schlub who falls in love with a woman named Audrey and learns some hard life lessons from a man-eating plant from outer space (Audrey II) . It’s a perfect movie which means it’s time to remake it only worse. So suddenly, Seymour is up for grabs again. It was once rumored that Josh Gad and Rebel Wilson were going to star in a remake, and then there was the rumor that Lady Gaga was going to play Audrey. And now according to Full Circle Cinema, Taron Egerton is in talks to star as Seymour. Which, fine, after Rocketman we know he can hold a tune and pull off glasses. What is more distressing is that Scarlet Johansson is in talks to play Audrey. Frankly, I’m not sure she has the (vocal) range. And, since she wants to be free to play flora so badly, I would like to see her audition for the role of Audry II instead.
Jake Gyllenhaal’s Girlfriend Came To His Broadway Premiere
Jake Gyllenhaal celebrated the opening night of his Broadway play Sea Wall/A Life. According to The New York Times, Sea Wall/A Life is actually a double bill of two separate monologues with Jake tackling the latter, jerking tears and jolting funny bones recounting the birth of a daughter and the death of a father. He probably jerked a few tears from his fans in another way too, by inviting his girlfriend to his opening. Page Six says that “things are heating up” between 38-year-old Jake and 23-year-old French model Jeanne Cadieu. If you’re disappointed in Jake for making basic ass dating choices remember, a French 23 is more like an American 39, so he’s actually dating an older woman!
Things Jake Gyllenhaal Loves: Sean Paul And Thin Gold Chains
So Jake Gyllenhaal and Tom Holland are on the press tour junket for their new movie Spider Man: Far From Home. Sending the hunky jock Jake Gyllenhaal and the adorable twunk Tom Holland out on a tour together is really going to give the gays a lot to work with, and it already has.
Well there’s some stuff here for you gross heteros as well. Did you know that Jake is a huge Sean Paul stan? Do you want to hear him sing in that island accent? Oh and are you ready to see Jake wearing a thin gold chain around his thick neck? Do you want to see him looking like The Situation‘s hotter, younger brother? Hope you are, because it’s his new thing.
Open Post: Hosted By Tom Holland Talking About The Time That Jake Gyllenhaal Worked Him Out So Hard He Couldn’t Walk
Tom Holland may only be 23 years old and newish to the game, but he can already teach other wannabe gay-baiters like Nick Jonas and Taron Egerton, how to truly bait a gay. All you gotta do is let out a cloud of innuendo while telling a story about how you worked out with Jake Gyllenhaal and he worked you out so hard that you had trouble walking. Suddenly, us hard-up, easy-to-woo gays are mindlessly pre-buying tickets to the next Spider-Twink movie after being hypnotized by the image of Mysterio defeating Spider-Twink by pounding a paralyzing ray into him, leaving him dead-legged and his spidey tenses tingling something raw. Yes, I’ve thought about this.
Open Post: Hosted By Tom Holland Not Knowing How To Spell Jake Gyllenhaal’s Name
So what? Neither can I! I had to look it up to write this post! Spider-twink Tom Holland is out stumping for his new Spider-Man flick Spider-Man: Far From Home. So, he went on Jimmy Kimme Live! with co-stars Jake GYLLENHAAL, Zendaya, and Jacob Batalon and there was this whole air hockey thing. Celebrities must hate how they have to act even more like circus poodles for these irritating late-night hosts now with all the humiliating games and what-not. They should blame simpering kumquat Jimmy Fallon. He started that bullshit. Moving on, Kimmel pointed out that Tom doesn’t know how to spell Jake’s name.
Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal Proving He Has No Patience For People Who Use Words They Can’t Pronounce
I learned something new about myself this week. Thanks to Jake Gyllenhaal, I now know that pedantic, bitchy, dismissive Jake Gyllenhaal in sweater is exactly my kink. During a Sundance press conference for the movie Velvet Buzzsaw (sadly, it’s not a Velvet Goldmine sequel so you won’t see Jake in skin tight lame, but it does have Toni Collette), Jake sternly corrected his director Dan Gilroy when he tried to say that Rene Russo has a “touch of melancholy”, but mispronounced it so badly it seemed like he might have been having a little seizure.