Category: Cocktales

Open Post: Hosted By Diddy’s Claim That His Hustle Was Inspired By Waking Up With 15 Cockroaches On His Face

July 7, 2021 / Posted by:

Yesterday Diddy took to Instagram to inspire and motivate the masses. He posted a video of himself eating mango beside a pool beside an ocean. Diddy tells his 18 million followers that they too could be “eating mango with the ocean as your backdrop,” they just need to “hustle hard” and want it bad enough. But it’s the caption that piqued the Internet’s interest: Diddy writes that his drive to succeed was inspired by the time he woke up with 15 cockroaches on his face. This was Diddy’s Scarlett O’Hara “As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry again!” moment. He writes, “At that moment I said hell no, I refuse to live like this. Work hard, believe in your crazy dreams…AND NEVER SETTLE!” Ya hear that? Never ever settle for less! If you’re waking up with 15 cockroaches on your face, hustle that bustle until one day you’re waking up with 150 cockroaches on your face. Believe in your crazy dreams!

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BREAKING PEEN NEWS: Jake Gyllenhaal Says That Amy Schumer’s Husband Is Uncut

July 10, 2020 / Posted by:

According to the Internets, 64% of males born in 1980 were circumcised. Jake Gyllenhaal was born in 1980. Jake Gyllenhaal is also Jewish on his mother’s side. So, odds were, the boy was snipped. But we could never know for sure. Until now. By George, he’s cut and we learned highly important news this thanks to Jake himself.

This vital information was dropped on Amy Schumer’s new HBO Max documentary “Expecting Amy”, which follows her difficult pregnancy. In between clips of Amy puking her guts out from hyperemesis, there was footage of her wedding with chef Chris Fischer. Apparently Jake was childhood friends with Chris, and he and their two other buds spilled the tallywacker tea during their wedding toast.

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Chace Crawford Showed Off Both Of His Heads

August 16, 2019 / Posted by:

Up and to the right. We finally have a definitive answer to a question Chace Crawford has probably been asked a million times in his life. Nobody should be asking Chace “how’s it hanging?” anymore. Asked and answered! Chace is on the new Amazon show The Boys and plays an Aquaman type superhero called The Deep (so deep, so deep he’ll put your ass to sleep). Amazon sent out a bunch of press packages which included a promotional calendar. In one of the photos, Chace appears in his skin tight aquasuit, and Page Six says somebody “forgot” to Photoshop out his Aquaham. In other words in this press package, his package is pressing his thigh.

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John Mayer Now Claims He’s Only Slept With Six Women

October 30, 2018 / Posted by:

Here’s a sobering thought. I have slept with more people than John Mayer. Now, before you start high-fiving me and calling my pussy a dick gobbling legend, know that John now claims he has slept with exactly six women. After stating on his Instagram Live show Current Mood, that his “number” was under 500, John has revisited the subject, and in his quest to be named “most popular” in the yearbook, has revised his number to six.

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