Ricky Schroder is up to his old tricks. No, I don’t mean acting in Hollywood productions, he’s far past that. But he is still throwing tantrums in public places over mask mandates. Last May, Ricky terrorized poor employees at Costco in California over his refusal to follow policy by wearing a mask in the store. Now he’s lighting up a *checks notes* security guard at the Dwight D. Eisenhower Presidential Library & Museum. Ah, yes, good–finally someone is standing up to those fucking fascists at the Presidential Library and Museum! Always shushing people and telling people not to touch the historical items! Monsters!
When it was announced last week that 95-year-old Queen Elizabeth had been diagnosed with COVID-19, I’m sure a whole lot of people started preparing for the not-best, or threw on their tinfoil hats, grabbed their copy of Weekend at Bernie’s, and started speculating about the real truth of Liz’s health (especially in the wake of the news that she had started canceling virtual engagements). But here we are, The Queen is on the mend, and is well enough to be making house calls.
Dr. Mehmet Oz, who notoriously shilled bullshit weight loss lies, is now trying to debate the Director of the National Institutes of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, Dr. Anthony Fauci. Dr. Fauci is sort of busy dealing with the Coronavirus pandemic that has so far killed more than 947,000 people in the United States alone. But obviously, debating with Dr. Oz takes precedence! And Dr. Oz is confused why Fauci hasn’t responded to his call to debate. Apart from the fact that Dr. Fauci is not running for election as a Republican Senator in Pennsylvania like Oz is, I don’t see how a man who makes a living saving lives would need to debate a man who makes a living teaching daytime TV watchers what a fart is.
It was revealed over the weekend that 95-year-old Queen Elizabeth has tested positive for COVID-19. And she’s staying put at home and isolating. How her majesty caught COVID is up for debate, although she did attend a maskless in-person meeting only a few days before her diagnosis was revealed. And also, uh, you know, there’s the awkward fact that her son and heir Prince Charles and his wife Duchess Camilla also came down with a case of COVID prior to her catching it. So she’s playing it safe and not attending any more of those maskless meetings. But as it turns out, The Queen isn’t just switching from in-person to working remotely from home. The Queen must need more rest than previously thought because she’s canceled all virtual engagements as well.
On February 10, it was announced that 73-year-old Prince Charles caught COVID-19 for the second time in a year (he caught it the first time in March 2020). Some people probably threw a, “Can you taste that shit?”, side-eye at THE QUEEN as she sipped on her pre-lunchtime gin and Dubonnet because she was with Future King Charles just two days before. And on February 14, it was announced that 74-year-old Future Queen Consort Camilla tested positive for COVID-19 too (and this came after Duchess Camilla went maskless at an event on February 10). Well, today it was announced that Coronavirus is fucking with 95-year-old THE QUEEN as well because she’s tested positive (and this comes after she went maskless at an in-person meeting on February 16). QUICK, somebody tells THE QUEEN’s royal pooches to double mask up and stay away from all humans in the palace because Coronavirus is running through that shit.
The Academy of Motion Picture Sciences has confirmed that Regina Hall, Amy Schumer, and Wanda Sykes will, in fact, be hosting next month’s Oscar ceremony. And keeping with that momentum, they have also settled on a theme, and that theme is Fuck It. As such, this year’s Oscars ceremony will be dedicated to Vanessa Hudgens’ iconic, and in retrospect, prescient “yeah, people are gonna die, which is terrible, but, like…inevitable???” speech from March of 2020. Coachella is all “same, girl, same!“
According to Deadline, The Academy has released their COVID-19 protocols for the ceremony and have decided that presenters and performers will be exempt from any vaccination or negative test requirements, while nominees and guests will have to adhere to both. In addition, this year’s in-memoriam segment will include a mix of living and dead celebrities because with this setup, who can say? If Van Morrison’s unvaccinated ass shows up to sing his Best Original Song nomination from Belfast and crosses paths with a COVID positive pirouetting Jet practicing backstage, he might not make it to the end of the night.