Senators Slapped At Dr. Oz For Blowing Weight-Loss Smoke Up His Viewers’ Asses
Fun probably-fact: Dr. Oz’s glum “I’m getting scolded by senators face” is probably the same as his “Darn, my poop isn’t banana-shaped today” face.
Not a conversation with my mom goes by without her saying to me, “Well, honey, Dr. Oz says….” So all those senators who snatched Dr. Oz’s wig yesterday better hold onto their chairs and get ready, because once my mom figures out how to find their email addresses and email them, their eyeballs will never be the same again. Those bitches will be asking Dr. Oz if he knows a supplement they can use to stop the burning they got in their eyes after they read a rage-filled email from a level 10 Ozoholic in California. My mom still asks me how to go to Google.com, so it could be a while before she goes after them, but she will go after them one day!
Dr. Oz thought he was in DC yesterday to testify before the senate about scammers using his image and name to sell weight-loss products (like green coffeebean extract) that he endorsed on his show. But surprise, bitch. Dr. Oz got hit with a banana-shaped log of truth when a bunch of senators shook their heads at him for talking up weight-loss supplements to his legion of devoted followers who would tongue kiss a toad if he told them that toads have enzymes in their mouths that kill belly bulge. NBC News says that Sen. Claire McCaskill of Missouri, who chairs a Senate committee on consumer protection, gave my mom’s God a verbal slap down for overselling weight-loss stuff he knew didn’t work.
“I don’t get why you need to say this stuff because you know it’s not true. So why, when you have this amazing megaphone…why would you cheapen your show by saying things like that? When you feature a product on your show it creates what has become known as the ‘Dr. Oz Effect’ — dramatically boosting sales and driving scam artists to pop up overnight using false and deceptive ads to sell questionable products. While I understand that your message is occasionally focused on basics like healthy eating and exercise, I am concerned that you are melding medical advice, news, and entertainment in a way that harms consumers.”
Senator Claire McCaskill, you dun goofed! Now you’ll never be Assistant of the Day!
After those senators ripped Dr. Oz a new one (which he’s probably into because that means he’s got more places to expel banana-shaped poop from), he tucked his tail in between his legs and said that he really does believe in all the products he pushes and he’ll turn down the “flowery” language from now on.
I would interview Dlisted’s resident Dr. Oz expert, my mom, about this travesty, but I already know what she’s going to say:
WITCH HUNT! WITCH HUNT! WITCH HUNT! WITCH HUNT! That senator probably eats too much sugar!
Witch hunt is right! I mean, in that still above he kind of looks like the Grand High Witch in a toupee.
Every time I watch Dr. Oz, he’s always pushing something. One episode he’ll say that rinsing your butt out with flax seed oil will make your shit come out smoother and the next episode he’ll say that putting butter in your coffee gives you energy (Side note: A side effect of drinking butter in your coffee is that you’ll suddenly want to be served by black men in white suits. It’s the Paula Deen effect). Sometimes I want to try the stupid crap he says to try and I know that if I do try it and it doesn’t work, it’s on me, because I made the decision to try it. When are we, as consumers, going to take responsibility for…… You know, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’m too busy bracing my ears for when my mom calls me to say that she heard I said her precious Dr. Oz looks like the Grand High Witch and how could I say that? “You only said that because you eat too much sugar. Dr. Oz says you need to cut down on that sugar. I’ll send you some brown rice syrup” is probably what my mom will say.
And here’s Senator Claire McCaskil being the Uncle Ben to Dr. Oz’s Spider-Man.