Since Holly Madison is peddling a new book called The Vegas Diaries, she is once again going on about how being a member of Hugh Hefner’s harem of rotating plastic blondes killed her inside and that she was constantly living in fear because of competition with the other hos. Holly’s face is on the cover of this week’s People under the words, “I Was Living in Fear,” and well, her arch rival Kendra Wilkinson had something to say about it. And thanks to Kendra, the walls of my nightmares will be covered with new images.

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Today is the second-to-last day that Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan have to sit next to each other on Live! and pretend that they don’t completely despise each other with every fiber of their being. Michael’s last day as the Michael of Live! With Kelly and Michael is technically tomorrow, but Kelly was clearly too excited and decided to celebrate his final show a little early. Kelly took a page from her own Stunt Queen 101 book and celebrated by leaving house wearing a jacket with the word “Freedom” written across the back.

#KellyRipa sends a message with a "Freedom" jacket the day before Strahan’s exit https://t.co/SRZzYTvWTL pic.twitter.com/ClK5GtFj2x

— Page Six (@PageSix) May 12, 2016

Hmmm…whatever could Kelly Ripa’s “Freedom” jacket mean? The message is just too subtle. Maybe tomorrow morning she’ll make it just a teensy bit more obvious by dancing out of her house to Kool & The Gang’s “Celebration” while wearing a t-shirt that says “ADIOS, GAPPY!” in huge glitter letters.

As for what will happen on Michael’s last day, TMZ says that it will be pretty low-key. They’re basically doing a clip show of his 4 years as co-host, and the guests will be Carmelo Anthony and Matt Bomer. But if it ends up being half as awkward as today’s show was, then I’d say now is the time to plan on calling in sick so you can stay at home and watch the trainwreck in real time.

According to E!, Kelly and Michael really brought the restrained hate this morning. After noticing a woman in the audience wearing a graduation cap, they asked what she graduated from. She told them she had just gotten a degree in Journalism and Media Studies, to which Kelly joked “Perfect! Just in the nick of time.” Michael, who clearly does not give a fuck anymore, added “Don’t let this show scare you away from your dreams.”

Oh boy, who even knows what kind of messy stops they’ll pull out for Michael’s last day. I know they won’t, but what I’d really like to see is Kelly and Michael doing a Mystery Science Theater 3000 thing where they talk about how much they secretly hated each other while watching Michael’s montage. “Oh my god, I remember that day! I tripped on my way out and you laughed. You know what? I’m really really not going to miss you.”

Pic: Splash

31-year-old Nev Schulman, one half of the Catfish duo, announced to the world yesterday that he’s going to be a daddy, and his 30-year-old girlfriend Laura Perlongo announced in detail how they found out. Laura, who’s in advertising, wrote a long ass piece on Attn about how she was stoned on a weed gummy when she found out that a Catfish fetus is growing in her body. So many famous types get their spokeswhore to spit out a generic statement about how they’re “over the moon” (yes, my finger tips hurt from typing that), but Laura and Nev didn’t do that.

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Maybe it’s because I always have Waiting to Exhale on the brain, but when those pictures of Orlando Bloom snuggling up on Selena Gomez in a booth at a Las Vegas club hit the internet earlier this week, I expected Katy Perry to Instagram a video of herself in Orlando, Florida tossing a lit match onto a rental car filled with his clothes. But she didn’t do that. I’m guessing because Jeremy Scott couldn’t get the cartoon flames right on her scorned woman costume. Instead, she waited until last night and kept it vague-ish by tweeting a link to Peggy Lee’s “Is That All There Is?”

Is that all there is? https://t.co/54Q72MfXND

— KATY PERRY (@katyperry) May 12, 2016

Just for some context, the third verse of “Is That All There Is?” is about a woman who falls in love with a guy and they go on long walks and shit. And then one day he up and leaves, and she thinks she’s going to be super bummed about it, but she just sort of shrugs. For once I can say “How very subtle of you” and actually mean it. Or maybe this is just the beginning, and a Lemonade-style tell-all album called Perryer is coming later.

Selena Gomez, meanwhile, would like you to know that she has been dating, but won’t say who, because that’s personal!

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Hours after Ronan Farrow spit on the media and Hollywood for supporting and  pretty much ignoring the allegations against alleged PedoPolyp Woody Allen, his movie Cafe Society opened the Cannes Film Festival last night. Woody and the cast, including Kristen Stewart, Blake Lively and Jesse Eisenberg, were sitting in the audience when the host of the opening ceremony, French comedian Laurent Lafitte, leaped into the hearts of many by throwing a Roman Polanski joke at Woody:

“You’ve shot so many of your films here in Europe, and yet in the U.S. you haven’t even been convicted of rape. Thank you for coming tonight. Although it’s the least you could do. Your film isn’t even in competition. What’s the worst that could happen? … Or that it’s not as good as ‘Manhattan.’”

Woody wasn’t bothered by the joke, just like he wasn’t bothered by Ronan slamming him. But failed lifestyle blogger and Antebellum south-era enthusiast Blake NotSoLively was highly, highly offended by the jokes that came out of Laurent Lafitte’s offensive-making mouth.

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Ugh, I instantly regret choosing that picture; it’s far too early to imagine what Tyga is doing to Kylie Jenner that would cause her to make that face.

TMZ says that Kylie Jenner’s gross – and at one time illegal – 19-month-long relationship with her 26-year-old boyfriend is over. And it’s reportedly for realsies this time. Tyga has officially lost his meal ticket. Angela Kardashian™ had to sit her pregnant ass down before she passed out from “HAHAHAHA!“-ing too hard. Tyga, please return your prepaid Kardashian Gold Kard and keys to your kompany vehicle back to Kris Jenner. I’d make a joke about Kylie returning the gifts Tyga bought her over the course of their relationship, but we all know he didn’t pay for those.

TMZ can’t say why Kylie kalled it kwits with Tyga. But they do say that the time of death for Kylie and Tyga’s relationship is sometime last week before the Met Gala. Both Kylie and Tyga went to the Met Gala, but Kylie chose not to walk the red carpet with him. They also say that Kylie’s rubber lips collapsed into a frown when he showed up, because she’s the sole reason why he was invited in the first place. To be fair, the same could be said for Kylie. “Guys, what if we don’t get enough pictures of Kim Kardashian? Better send out an invitation to her understudy, just to be sure.”

So far, neither Kylie nor Tyga have confirmed on Instagram or Snapchat or whatever that they’re done. According to UsWeekly, they might be keeping quiet because they’re just taking a break and may get back together. I’m sure it will all be explained during a very special episode of KUWTK called “Kylie Makes Everyone Forget About Blac Chyna’s Pregnancy News For A Couple Seconds.”

What is known about this situation is how Tyga spent Mother’s Day last Sunday. TMZ says he went to lunch with his mama and some random model who may or may not be his new girlfriend. No word on where he found this new girlfriend, but for now let’s just assume it was Instagram.

For now, there ends another trashy chapter in the Kardashian family storybook. But thanks to Tyga and Kylie’s shameless thirst and willingness to exploit a situation for some attention, we’ll always have this disgusting reminder of what once was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8AurWRkRpo

Pic: Instagram